I am Jane in Pain

If you think the title of the post is funny because it rhymes, let me assure you the contents are NOT. I sat staring at the blank screen and blinking cursor wondering how I can make this blog sound happy. The truth is, it's very hard to be a happy me. Sure everyone else who doesn't know me well enough can say that being happy is a choice, but if you are close to me (think close enough to be affected by what happens to me, that's how 'neighbour' is defined in law), then you'd get the feel of how hard it is for me to be happy.

For starters, I do not choose to be unhappy, I do not choose to be cranky and I do not choose for misfortune to happen to me (who does?). So, if you think all I do is sit and complain, buzz off. I don't need you to show me your hypocrisy. And yes, I am in a bad mood. Whether or not you choose to read is up to you. I did not force you and neither did I point a gun at your head to make you read. I write what I want, you read what you want. Fair and square. Like I said, many know me, but only a few know who I am. So if you can't empathize, don't criticize. No, I'm not in a rhyming mood, they just so happen to rhyme.

This post, I believe, is from the very depths of my heart. There's never a day that goes by without me wondering what I've done to ever deserve what happens to me. I don't think that I'm a very demanding person when it comes to life, and I don't believe that I don't have dreams just like everyone else. I don't think I'm not grateful for what I get, and on the other hand, I don't think I'm over grateful of what happens to me. Sure I may not be very religious, and sure I don't buy other people's words very easily, but I do have my own principles and I dare say I live up to them as much as I can. What I'm trying to say is that even though I think that morality is subjective, I still don't do what I think is not right, and even that subjects to some of the things society thinks as wrong. I don't kill (I'm serious when I say I don't even have the heart to kill even an insect), I don't steal (in fact, the opposite always happens), I don't intentionally hurt others (or so I think) and most importantly, I don't think I'm bad. Although I am not perfect. Sure, I don't listen to my parents most of the time (but I really want to justify that how my parents make me feel is also wrong), I am vengeful (I don't do you harm in a long term), I keep grudges (but I don't take them out on people), and I don't welcome other people's principles (is it wrong to have my own?). My point is, I really don't know what I did to deserve what happens to me. What did I do so wrong, that trouble comes after me wave after wave?

They always tell me to be strong, to always believe that better things have yet to come. But how strong can one person be? I feel like I've been forced to swim, without the chance to come up to the surface to take a breath. Of course I'd get tired easily! I do try to solve my own problems. I try to solve them as fast as I can with hope that I'd get a bit of breathing space before the next wave of trouble comes in. But NO! What ever that is causing the world to spin won't let me. What are these ramblings all about? Let me tell you now:

I'm sure you already know that I'm going to have my dental surgery done soon by now. And my scheduled consultation appointment is on 11th of August. Yes, I dread what the dentist has to say, and I dread having to go for operation. Even though I dread these things, I eventually get them done, EVENTUALLY. But guess what? Yesterday night, after my parents sent me healing 'energy', pressure started building up in my ears. I called my parents and they told me that Reiki has a reverse healing process.

And so, I waited for the pressure to subside.
It didn't.
I waited some more.
It started to hurt.
It hurt so bad I thought it was going to pop and release the pressure soon.
It DIDN'T.
I drank water, saliva, jumped about, did anything to release the pressure.
It DIDN'T go away.
Beau heated up water for me to inhale steam from.
Pressure went down a bit but was still there.
I waited.
Tried to sleep it off.
I felt an excruciating pain in my right ear as if something was trying to get born from my ears.
It popped. It felt like a little balloon in my ear that grew bigger and bigger and finally POPPED!
The growing pressure was painful enough.
But the pop was the worst.
Not only did it pop once, but a few times. All equally painful, if not more.
I finally managed to force myself to sleep.
Something told me to sleep on my right side, on my hand.
An hour later, I woke up to find coagulated blood on my palms.
You get my point.
It was thick with mucus and blood and wax.
I forced myself to sleep again.

I was already sick from Wednesday night onwards. I thought it was getting better. I was so HAPPY. But no! Things just HAVE to get worse. And by far, this is the worse ever. I was out at Midvalley's when my eyes started tearing. At first, I thought it was just because I didn't have enough sleep. Later on, I realized that the tears were not really tears but mucus spilling out of my tear glands. How fucked up is that? I went to the doctor, and he calmly told me that my ear drum has burst. It was as if he saw such things everyday! In my common sense, burst ear drum = DEAF. And he was acting so calmly! I mean, hello??!! I'm partially temporarily (I'll explain later) deaf in one ear! He said that I had to put ear drops to clear up the infection and then, if I wanted to (WTF! This is my hearing we're talking about!), I can go for operation to stitch it back together. Please, put myself in my shoes, and tell me how you'd have feel if you were in my shoes. I have not cried a single tear, although my face does show that I'm worried. How is that not being strong? I told my mum and she was LITERALLY speechless (speechless for my mum is a big thing).

How is it that I'm NOT supposed to make my parents worry? I don't mean to make them worry. Sometimes they just worry on their own, for unnecessary things. But of course, I don't mean that worrying for a burst ear drum is unnecessary. But, these are things I can't control. If you said that I poked a needle into my ear and broke the drum, then it's my fault. But my ear drum broke because of the pressure built up in the Eustachian tube! I couldn't possibly control that. I don't understand how parents can blame us for everything even things we can't control. I didn't ask to get sick and I certainly didn't ask for my ear drum to burst. Why am I still getting scolded for it? I don't understand. The only bright side is my mum can not scream at me, at least for now. Some how, I feel like it is connected to her screaming. She SCREAMS on the phone. It literally hurts my ears. And when I put it on loud speaker, it gets LOUDER.

My dad came up with this idea that if I don't get it done quick, the skin of the ear drum would shrivel and thus, I won't be able to hear properly. So I'm going back to get it done soon, and I just hope and wish they'd give me general anesthetic and wake me up only when the pain is gone. Hopefully, they'd do my tooth too. Then it'd save me the trouble of going under the knife several times.

The irony is that I've always thought I'd be knife-free for at least half of my life, if not a third. I admit I'm afraid of needles, knifes, scalpels and anything cold, hard, sharp and made out of steel. Who can blame me? I try my best to keep myself knife-free. I remember how my auntie had to go get the liquid sucked out of the Eustachian tube when I was young, and how she told me how she got it stuck. Ever since then, I always took precaution with my nose. But NO! Life just has to prove it's a bitch and make all my nightmares come through. My tooth decided to grow sideways, and now my ear drum decided to burst. I think I'm considered partially TEMPORARILY deaf now. So yes, I'm a quarter deaf. Don't make fun of it because it's not funny and I won't spare you the benefit of the doubt or laugh. So don't even bother trying.

I know I don't take extremely good care of my health, but I do average! I see other people taking drugs and smoking away and are as fit as a fiddle. How is this fair? Another thing is the doctor actually warned me about high-blood pressure today. HOW NOT TO GET HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE?Always under pressure, no rest, always stress, no solutions, always thinking and even then also things still go wrong.

They say failing to plan is planning to fail. I say it's bullshit. Everytime I plan, see what happens. Tell me how to be happy. Teach me the secret to becoming happy. I believe that people who smile in the face of trouble have already grown immune to it, or they've already gone crazy. I've not yet mastered that art, unless you're talking about fake smiles which I put on to show everybody that I'm okay. No, I'm NOT okay. So please don't ask the obvious. How can someone who's had their ear drum burst be okay? Let me burst your ear drum and see if it's okay with you. And don't tell me that there are other people who have had worse luck then me. I will tell you that the ratio of those people to the people who live their lives with shit NOT coming in wave after wave are at least three folds.

They tell me that I have to suffer now to reap the sweetness of my suffering later. How long more must I suffer? They also say that you reap what you sow. What did I sow to reap this? Answer me now. Is it hard to be me? Or is it just hard to feel how hard it is to be me? You don't go through shit like I do. You don't get your feelings manipulated by your own family. You don't know how hard it is to finally realize and stand up to what they've been doing to you. You don't know what it feels like to have your own family use you. You don't know how it is to have to smile to people who back-stab you. You don't know how it feels to have to be nice to people who pretend to be nice to you but are actually giving you a hell lot of problems. You can tell me fuck the world.
But can you do it?

I am Jane in an ill-condition

As a kid, I never minded getting sick, in fact I used to LOVE getting sick all the time (think: Sore throat? Fever? Oh, YES!). In fact, I always wished it turn into something really nasty. For example, when I was in Form 2, I had the best time of the year when I had chicken pox, except for the after math when the name calling started. Why? Because I got to skip school, because I got to sleep the whole day, because I was forced to eat only certain things (helps with the weight and detox) and best of all, because I wouldn't get scolded, although there are exceptions to the last one.

Nowadays, getting sick is like an obstacle; for one, I do force myself to go to class nowadays (yeah, I finally came to my senses. Going to class means that I will need less time to revise nearing exams, you get my drift) and food becomes such a problem. Besides that, I'd have to go to the doctor's, something I never really fancied and still don't (think: long waits, needles, probes and medication). By the way, I noticed that doctors now take my blood pressure, which really freaks me out. I don't understand why. I mean, there was once, when beau and I both got sick, and he is way older than me, but he didn't get his blood pressure checked; I did! WHY? Probably because I am an ACCA student, therefore higher risk of getting high blood pressure. Lol.

This time around, I decided to become my own doctor. I knew I had a nasty cold (cold are never mild when it comes to me), and I knew the medication needed. Added points for my own dispensary located in the drawer of my study desk (gastric pills, antihistamines, paracetamol [very important], neurofen, you name it, I've got it). What I didn't have was antibiotics, please don't ask why, use your logic. And so, I thought I'd be a smart alec and off to the pharmacy I went. Unfortunately, pharmacists at Midvalley were as if their license was at stake; I do know of many pharmacies in Sunway who dispense antibiotics off the counter, but in Midvalley, nobody did! Except for one, located in some corner on LG. It was only by chance that I found the pharmacy and I so happened to be there just as the lady was leaving for her lunch break. The antibiotics are helping to control the sore throat, but it really isn't getting any better. Whatever it is, I'm still going to give it a little bit more time just to see if it really doesn't work. And then I shall have to figure something else out.

Other than that, I finally saw my lazy orthodontist at Bangsar after almost one year of her canceling my appointments. I mean seriously, how many coincidence can it be? She's always on sick leave, or she'd be at some convention or seminar or whatever, and sometimes, she'd go off to the bank for hours and never show up until it's time to pack and go home. This is the attitude of most hospital doctors, if not all. Very rarely do you see hardworking and efficient ones who are ethical enough to put their patients' needs first. The very reason they are doctors is to help the sick, right? It's not just for a check at the end of the month, and it really shouldn't be just to fulfill the houseman-ship requirements set out by the government. Nonetheless, who am I to speak? I don't run the government and the government today can't even take care of itself, what more the people. Probably they should rewrite the Hippocrates oath and also impose severe punishment for those who do not comply (such as the ACCA code of ethics). It really does make sense, don't you think? Why should a money-minded, unethical, under-qualified doctor have the courtesy of opening his own clinic and over-charging the public? And I propose that all hospital doctors have a special oath as well, by which if they don't comply, their license will be revoked not only here, but every where else in the world as well. Why should they become doctors when they can't even master the essence of being one? It is not the public's fault that the lines at the hospitals are so long. If there were more USEFUL doctors, doctors who don't take half an hour break after every hour, doctors who don't come in at 8am, have tea breaks at 10am, lunch breaks at 12-2pm, and another tea break at 3pm and nurses who don't show attitude, I'm sure we'd have shorter waiting periods and better services. Today, I'm in a doctor-bashing mood, particularly hospital doctors. If you're a doctor, or you're aspiring to be one, I suggest you read on (if you can take criticism and want to be a BETTER doctor) or just leave.

Hospital doctors and nurses get fixed salaries (at least that's what I've been told). These fixed salaries are paid not by the hospital, but by the government (hence the term, GOVERNMENT hospital). Where does the government get the funds to pay their salary? From every taxpayer, of course! So really, substance over form, materiality over legality, WHO are their bosses? The hospital directors or the taxpayers? If you've ever had the experience of having to go to a government hospital, how have you found MOST of the nurses? I've only had bad ones. From nurses telling me that I can't do this and that, from nurses threatening me, to nurses who refuse to register me so I can see the doctor. It really wouldn't hurt them to have a little courtesy and learn some manners. Probably in the future, nurses training should incorporate skills such as COURTESY and PROPER MANNERS 101. What right have they to shun patients away and what right have they to refuse you an appointment? It's like telling your boss "Sorry boss, I can't do it, please pay me my salary and find someone else to do it." If only we could get them fired.
On the other hand, (although I've never come across a nurse who dares do such things) I believe that doctors are mere employees, and that they have proper working hours, say 9-5pm, with a 2hour lunch break and their compulsory prayer breaks. But prolonging these breaks are really unethical. For one, you are letting other people (who need to eat and pray also) wait, and you are cutting into your working hours. Aren't you slacking and cutting hours? In the private sector, you get SACKED for that. Think of hospitals (and other government departments) as a company. Think of the directors and what-not as the CEO, and think of the taxpayers as shareholders. Even if you aren't a tax payer, you're still a stakeholder because the company affects you in some way or another. These people are mere employees. Why do they enjoy the ability to torture and refuse their bosses? Really doesn't make sense to me. If I ever get to audit one of the hospitals, I promise you there'd be serious changes. So what if they refuse me treatment after that? I don't trust most of them anyway. I'll just go somewhere else. Simple.

No offense to those whose fathers are doctors and who are aspiring to be one. I hope you don't become like that and maybe start a new revolution among all hospital doctors.

On another note, I've started work as a review writer. It's not as fun as I thought it would (my mum always said "All you think is about fun, and you only want your way. Nothing is going to bend your way just for you". Well I know she wouldn't! But trust me, if I had my way, everything would bend), and it's super ultra boring, not to mention I don't understand half of the terms I see. Plus, I find it so constricting to write only 300 words worth of WMA, MP3, Anynet+ and Progressive Scan. I need room for my creativity to grow! I need more words! I need SPACE.
Nevertheless, nobody said working would be easy. There are those who enjoy the benefit of doing what they love, but how many are there? Money is still money, and although I wish it did, it doesn't fall out of the sky (it gets printed by machines). And now, I'll just have to start finding that perfect balance between study, work, play and also sleep. Beau is having exams and he's blaming me for being here. If I'm not here, he says he wished I was, if I'm here, he says I'm distracting him. Sigh~ Nighty night night!

I am Jane in Search of the Four-Letter Word in Red

No, the four-letter word does not start with F and it is not in anyway, a profanity, although I do have a fondness for foul language (read expression of thought, people!). The four-letter word my friends and I have been hunting for (not that it is that hard to find during this time of the year) starts with 'S' and ends with an 'ale'! YES! SALE! Oh, how we all love the sight of percentages on big read cardboards everywhere!

In fact, it is the best time to go shopping for branded stuff now! Honestly, I was never brand conscious, but after I found out where most of the shops here selling ridiculously priced pieces got their stock from, I became really reluctant to even enter their shops. Why on earth would I want to pay the price of a clothing, which has been overly priced, perhaps not twice, not thrice but at least FIVE TIMES if not just and additional zero at the back of the cost price? With that same price if not lower, I can go to their supplier and get the same dress in MULTILPLE colours! Hack, I could possibly even wear the same piece in different colours for every day of the week! So, yes, SALE period is when my friends and I go crazy over Forever 21, MNG, EDC to name a few. Not that their material or workmanship is any better than what the other shops sell, but having to know that our clothes come directly from multinational companies (although some of them are still made in China where production cost is ridiculously inhumanly chicken crap) , we rest in piece knowing that they have a tag on it, and are not over-priced, or are they?

My latest lust includes

1. A quilt from Ikea (I do not like duck downs and I think it's cruel)
2. A hobo bag from Sisley, United Colours of Benetton (picture not found, but I assure you it is absolutely gorgeous and to die for) or Esprit
3. CK Perfume
4. Espadrilles and sexy pumps
5. Long worded Tees
   
6. Long tops with boat necklines
7. A new bikini, just for the fun of it

So if anyone wants to get on my good books, you know how! Lol.
Sigh, I wish I had an unlimited and no-need-to-pay credit card, so basically I want just a piece of plastic which I can swipe everywhere and get stuff. I think the reason why I'm lusting for so many things is because I haven't gone on a shopping spree for so long. So, Singapore, here I come.

I'm too lazy to write now, just met up with Meiyuin. I have class in about 2 hours, and I have to go to Setapak after that because it's easier to get to the lrt station from there and I do not fancy waking up early in the morning to catch a bus. Other than that nothing much interesting happening except that all anti-viruses have failed me and thus my lappie is a little bit cuckoo right now but I do hope it can persevere a bit longer before having to be reformatted. And I've started work as a review writer and I think it SUCKS. Why? As you all should know by now, I am a woman of WORDS. Words DO NOT elude me even though sometimes I need to think really hard before the word I think of comes to mind but WORDS are never little when it comes to me. And my job basically just requires me to state the specification of electronic gadgets in sentences. How boring and uncreative! I need to be creative and I need to speak my mind. I doubt this it going to last long, but then again, it IS easy money. I wish I were a food critic or a restaurant review writer instead. Think of all the possible places and food I'd get to experience! Lol. Toodles.

I am Jane on Finances

At the beginning of this month, I vowed to start saving for a new camera. If you must know, my dad broke the camera he bought me and thus I am now left with a faulty and stubborn camera. Not that it was a sturdy one in the first place, but that is really the least of my fault because my parents didn't believe in what I said. They still don't and they still continue trusting people who cheat their money and end up buying gadgets not worth their price. Needless to say, my effort to save has failed me once again.

Honestly, I really don't know where most of my money went to, because although I used to buy tons and TONS of shoes, I really don't anymore. Probably it's because I've just given up wearing them. I used to remember how I could (and still can) run from my house in Bukit Damansara, across the highway, under the fly over and across the vast car park up to the steps of HUC, and along the one kilometer corridor before reaching class, and boy, was I (actually) fast. Today? I can't even stand walking around the malls without going home to sore feet. Sorry for the side track, although my shoe purchases have decreased, my love for them really hasn't.

Back to my money. I'm not in financial difficulty, in fact, I had just enough to spend this month. But of course, I want a new camera and if this continues, I am not going to get anywhere near it. And of course, being typically human, I want a lot of other things as well. I don't think anyone has ever complain about having a little extra to spend, right? If you do, please give me your money. I will spend it for you. We all want extra money so that we can move out of budgets and care less about not having enough by the end of the month. Especially now, when the market is doing so badly and prices of EVERYTHING has gone up so drastically. I have no idea why some people are complaining about the pinch in their pockets but still continue spending as they always do, if not more.

How can anyone claim that their not materialistic in this situation? Unless you're a monk and you practice the many precepts, one of which that we can not dwell on worldly things. I don't know how that works, but I'm not going to criticize religion. Even as a kid, do we not crave for food? Do we not look for our favourite toy? And do we not cry, kick and scream when what we want is not in sight? Has materialism not become part of human nature? Unless, of course, you are tarzan living in the jungle.

Some how, my train of thought let me to when I checked my bank account one fine February day, and saw that my very first pay was in. It was worth four figures, and the job I did was quite simple. I wish I could have that job back, but some how, big corporation aren't as ethical when it comes to small time employees, especially if they don't reside in the US. Anyway, my point here is that I still remember the joy that filled me at that moment as if it just happened yesterday. It wasn't really a greedy feeling, but more of a taste of my first financial independence. This was the money that I earned with my own two hands. This was the money that I could use to buy what ever I want without my mum having 'direct' rights in criticizing. But of course, I can never escape her criticizing. Imagine how she'd react if she knew I blew more than half of my salary for a small little gadget which I love till today. It may not be perfect, and it may not be the latest technology. But I'm happy with it, for now. And I shall always keep it because it is the symbol of my first financial independence.

Months have passed by since that bank transfer happened. And the amount I have is substantially different from what I intended it to be. There is still some left, but not much. Now, I crave to have that feeling again. I have no idea how that opportunity came across to me, but I do hope an even larger and brighter door opens up this time. I'm not being greedy. I'm just being 'contented'. And maybe slightly over optimistic. And so, one thing led to another, I started job-hunting online. I've applied for a few, but none can compare to my first job. Sigh! I really do hope something comes around again. I like the feeling of not having to ask my mother for money. I like the feeling that (although I am still financially dependent on her) I don't have to wait for her to bank in money for me because I know I have my own. Any ideas? How to be financially sound, but at the same time not waste too much time on it? I envy those who can balance everything so well. I can multi-task, but I cannot balance my duties. And so, I shall resort to being a bum.

Money oh money, I wish you fell from the sky and onto my lap, or come rolling in when I open the door. Don't judge me. I'm not being money minded. I just want what I want. And that's perfectly human. Funny that an accountant-to-be can't even manage her own finances. Hold that thought, let me rephrase that, I think I actually didn't do that bad. At least I didn't have to ask my mum for extra. In fact, I haven't asked for a very long time! *pat on back. But I still get nagged for no reason :( No idea when my mum will be grateful, but that really is beside the point.
It feels like it has been a long month for me, it doesn't even feel like July right now. It feels like it's at least September, if not October. Results are out in two weeks. More stress, more problems, more mood swings, more worrying, more uncertainty, more tension. Sigh, why do they torture us like this? I've been to Melaka this month, I've been clubbing, I've gone shopping, I've done a lot of other things which I can't remember. But I still do look forward to getting my quilt from Ikea before August ends! And I do need a better bag. In fact, let's do some calculations.

Opportunity cost is the cost for the opportunity lost to use the money for other things (rough definition, but you get the point).

And so:

Bag [47] (which I think is quite unsuitable now but was desperate enough to buy) + shoes [30] (which I now think I could have found better) + Expensive Ice Cream [15] (social obligation. Lol) + meat [7] (which I ended up throwing away due to my own carelessness) + cab [11] (which was really unnecessary, I was just lazy, or I was just in a rush for something that wasn't there yet)
= RM110 (minimum)

These are things that I remember. Trust me there are quite a number of other things I forgot about. And so, using shadow pricing theory, my opportunity cost could have gotten me a nice Sisley bag which was so rarely on sale or a nice, not-so-warm quilt (I'm boiling in my current one and it's giving me a bad nasal allergy). And oh, I so am looking forward to a shopping spree in Singapore. All praise goes to the great Singapore Sale. Sigh...

On the other hand, I did experience something worthy my money today, if not under priced. We went for Journey to the Centre of the Earth 3d and it was AWESOME. Maybe the storyline was a little crappy, but the 3d effects were AWESOME! My favourite part was when the birds all flew 'out' of the screen. Seriously, RM17 is a very very affordable, if not cheap price to pay for such an experience. The motion master in Genting costs at least double, for only 10 minutes!

Someone please tell me how to print money...

I am Jane's Reminder

Time and time again I am reminded that I should care for no one at all. Why?
Feed and pet a dog, but don't expect it to NOT bite you back. That's why.
My own family screws me over. How can I expect other people not to?
Just a fact I will have to live with. It never ceases to happen
It's not like I don't give people the benefit of the doubt.
It's just that when you have hopes, you will obviously face disappointment.
What's worse is being misunderstood at the same time.
And your pretensions and arguments all making you look bad.
You do things, that you don't even expect others to know.
It never fails to kick you right back.
Funny how on the way to Ikano Diane and I were talking about the same thing.
And what a coincidence for it to happen on that same day, not that any other day is better.
Seriously, is humanity so sick that there really is no hope for it at all?
Don't know why the bother for all the hassle, frustration and worries.
Not only unappreciated, but unnoticed, and what's more, all gone to waste.
Waste of time, energy, and effort.
I am hopeless, I know.
The world is the cause.

I feel suffocated. I feel like losing all hope. It has always been hard to be me. So who should I really be?

I. Need. To. Breathe.

I am Jane's Lust for Raw Fish, Salty Watermelon and Good ol' chicken stew

Today, I shall talk about food, delicious food, and nothing but absolute food (except for the little random thing down there)

1. Sushi, Sashimi, as long as its raw fish and friends, you all belong in my mouth. Not my stomach, just my mouth. I do not need the extra calories and possible worms, but I do really yearn to taste you. My roommate and I had a long talk about Sushi places and we got ourselves so hungry, we went to bed with this longing for sushi. And so, I shall raid Sakae Sushi while I'm at The Curve tomorrow. (Yay! Another flea market to raid! And with my best girl friend too!)
2. Salty watermelons, listen to me before you think I'm crazy. Well, I am a bit. Anyways, while I was at home, I saw this Chef Whatshisname mix watermelon cubes with olive oil and salt. It didn't sound yummy, but I had excessive amounts of watermelon today. And so I isolated a few cubes, and sprinkled salt on it. I couldn't find oil and so I omitted it out. Seriously, it doesn't taste bad at all. I've even developed an unusual fondness for it!
3. My dinner today consisted of pomelo, kiwi fruit and watermelon, topped with a generous amount of chocolate ice cream (bloody Jusco ran out of vanilla). Trust me, after I finish cutting them all up, my hands were soaked in so much acid, I could feel it as I rubbed my fingers together. If you're thinking "Wahlau...diet ar?", please have a look at the picture first. (sorry its rotated)
4. I have a very weird craving for Salted Fish Fried Rice. I really don't know why. I never liked salted fish as a kid. I remember the only time someone gave my mum a jar of it, and how we all complained about how it smelt like a dead rat. My father takes care of our food most of the time. He doesn't allow us to eat 'unhealthy' food, or rather, cancer-causing food as much as he can. And hence, for a very strictly Chinese (I really don't know how else to put it) man, my father is anti anything made in China, even the vegetation imported from their fields.
   
5. Chicken Stew...I can still taste you. The last time I was over, my beau and I took on reverse roles. I was made to follow his commands "Cut the carrot, cut the potato, cut this cut that. Like this, Like that!" (Just for fun), while he cooked. He even let me pound the garlic with the piston and mortar (seriously good for releasing stress, he let me do it so that I wouldn't bite him.Lol!). Preparing that dish brought back childhood memories to both of us. When he was frying the chicken, garlic and ginger, he said it smelt exactly like his mother's chicken soup. And when he put in the water and the chicken stock, it smelt exactly like my dad's chicken. And when it was done, it really was as if it came from the best of both worlds (at least that's how I see it). But of course, he'd want all the credits.

It's weird how we both come from different backgrounds, and how we like our own culture's food as well as food from each other's culture. Perhaps it's because I grew up eating Chinese food that I've taken a certain liking to having taire with my rice. And oh, how I love drinking rasam and eating papadam/allapam/whateveryoucallit with urka. Prema used to think I was crazy for eating so much of both. And of course, the beau LOVES Wat Tan Hor and Sang Meen although he always orders something else and thus, end up with the wrong dish at times.

The weird thing is we really have very little in common. Probably because of that, what I lack, he has, and what he lacks, I have. Some people can't stand people who have different opinions than theirs, but I really wonder how we survived our differences. Probably because we're both slackers and we just sit around and do nothing all day. When I'm feeling productive, he's feeling lazy. When I feel sleepy, he feels productive. So all day long we feel lazy and sleepy. That really has got to change (you hear that?!).

What I do notice is our love for food and movies. We can do away with anything but the two, and maybe a few other things. I never really liked cooking. I never really had the patience, and I really never had the know-how. My food has always been over-cooked (still is) for fear of under-cooking (so does his). I never really bothered frying or grilling anything if I didn't have to. Even nowadays the microwave is my best friend because I simply just throw everything into a bowl and heat it up. Interestingly, my laziness has taken me by surprise by offering to omit even the heating step and hence, I now only eat raw fruits and vegetables. But nowadays, with two watchful and hungry eyes, food is never left on the stove longer than it has to for fear of mutating gastric juices.

Some couples do sports together. Some share hobbies as a way of spending time together. Food brings us together. Our monthly food splurge never ceases to fail us, whether it's Tony Roma's or Melaccan Gula Melaka. We spend time together while we prepare meals, and we eat together. There really is no wonder why I put on so much weight. And so, in order to balance the eating we do together, I have to eat less when I'm not with him. Haha, as if it's going to work.

Hmm.. I feel as if this post is a little bit too personal now. Oh, well! There's always editing later on.

To hungry stomachs and lustful tongues!


Randomness

Few days ago, my nose was having its usual 100m sprint while I was in class (I honestly don't know why my nose becomes like that only when I have class. I believe I'm allergic to studying). And so, I called my dad to 'consult' whether or not I should 'consult' the one with the medical degree (not that they do anything else than dispense antihistamine. Trust me, I know all of them). What I did not know was that my mum was out with him, which was really a rare occasion. And so, my dad passed the phone to my mum (read: {-.-} ). On to the juicy part, this was basically what our conversation was like:

Mum : What's the problem now?
Jan : My nose is running.
Mum : So? You don't want to go to class?
Jan : No, I AM in class.
Mum : Then? How come you can call me now?
Jan : We're having a break.
Mum : So? You want to skip the rest of the lecture?
Jan : No, I just asked you whether I should go see the doctor.
Mum : So? You want to go now?
Jan : No, I'm having class NOW. My nose is running. It always does when I'm in class
Mum : You didn't go to class?
Jan : NO! I AM in class!
Mum : Then why are you calling me?
(*note: in music, we have a term called crescendo, which means getting louder, and it starts here)
Jan : Because I wanted to ask you if I should go see a doctor!
Mum : So you're telling me you don't want to go to class?
Jan : I TOLD YOU I WAS IN CLASS!
Mum : Then, what do you want me to do?
Jan : NOTHING!!! I JUST WANTED TO ASK YOU A QUESTION!!
Mum : So? What do you mean? You don't want to go to college at all?
Jan : I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU! PASS THE PHONE BACK TO DAD. AND IF IT MAKES YOU HAPPY, THEN YES, I DON'T WANT TO GO TO CLASS!!!

Seriously, at that moment, I was plotting to wake up the next morning, and even though I'd go to class, I just wanted to call my mum and tell her "Mum, I don't want to go to class" and I really wanted to do it every day for a whole month and see what happens. Unfortunately, I really don't know if my mother is playing dumb or she just can't understand simple English (being and English teacher). Trust me, this is not the first time, and I doubt it will be the last. And I'm always at fault in the end, never her. Why can't she apologize?

On to happier things, I was bored out of my wits today, and so I hopped out of bed and on to a bus, and went to Amcorp Mall to raid another flea market. I don't know why, but I've really taken a liking to them. Anyway, I guess I was a bit too late because as I reached, I saw most of the vendors already packing. Nonetheless, I still managed to bring back a black shawl to add to my collection. So, Plain Blue, Peach, Pink and White, turquoise and black, and pink and purple, meet your new sister, black, orange, blue and green! I know, I'm crazy

Studying done today = 0, zero, elek, nada, tarak, kosong, 'mei yo'; and I'm thinking of playing only.

I am Jane in the Rain!

I shall attempt to write my shortest blog. Notice the word 'attempt'.

In the midst of darkness
when all was calm
the first drops broke
the silence of the night

Oh, what joy! I really love rain but I'm not a poet. I was 'inspired' for a moment, but I really was trying to sleep.

I love rain at night
I love rain in the morning
I love rain just before I sleep
I love for rain to wake me up

I want rain to wash away my sorrows
I want rain to drown my tears
I want rain to fall on me
And shed the weight of the world in did

Things have started fluctuating again, so has my mood, and so has my opinion on people.

I really beg to differ that all humans are ethnocentric. I, for one,am thoroughly disgraced by my race today. Oh, the torture I had to endure. Makes me wonder what people go through just for companionship. Nothing in detail, the beau has heard much. For further enquiries please contact GK at 012-3825-633. (no, that is not his real phone number. Type it using T9 dictionary on your handphone)

And so, I shall sing of the dreadful sha-lala and much more. Oh, how i despise what I witnessed. Such deceit and such sheer stupidity. And maybe a hint of hypocracy.

And so I must end the blog here, because I 'promised' to keep it short and sweet, although I really am the contrary. Toodles!