I am Jane the procrastinator

Some habits never die. Like how I like to procrastinate. It's almost dusk now. And I'm still awake. After my test which supposedly ended at 9.50pm (obviously I didn't really know what else to write so I left early), I stared at this flat thing beside my bed I call the laptop (I'm thinking of other names to call it since it obviously is EVIL) and have never left it's side (except for the one hour break to talk to my beau) ever since. I have to wake up at 10am tomorrow because I've promised my friends that we'd go to IKEA and pig out (oh, dear..there goes weeks of detoxification) as a form of relaxation since we were all killed by different lecturers. This test was particularly bad because I have been slacking. I need to start bucking up (Ohmigosh, I sound like Jo Ann, no offence).

So, from now onwards, I shall not skip Ms Pushpa's class (or whatever remainder there is *two weeks, Jane, just two more weeks**and then the dreadful mock exams!!!), I shall continue detoxing (after I satisfy myself tomorrow), and I shall start reading over my notes, no matter how much I hate Marcus.

About detoxing, I don't have any medical opinion on it, but from my experience (or rather the lack of it), it really is something good. I have no idea what has gotten into me, but I've become a little bit health conscious nowadays. Just a little bit. Those days, I just threw caution to the wind, ate when I felt like eating, starve when I felt like starving, and consume whatever I that caught my eyes.

This whole detox thing started way before I knew I was doing it. Last semester, while I was on my vege-only diet, for reasons not to be disclosed, I started purging like mad. Although strangely, it made me very thirsty, and I had this habit of drinking Loong Cheng tea because it was the only thing that could wash away the after taste of Coffee in my mouth. Of course, I did lose a bit of weight (all of which was gained back right after), but I felt much more refreshed. I slept less, I craved less and I was alert (according to Peter, I have a very short attention span, although I don't deny).

About a week ago, I decided to give this detoxification thing a try, since I remembered Min Huey from my HMC days only drinking organic apple juice with that powdery substance that I used to play/ help him put into his juice. I will not tell you the outcome because it is DISGUSTING. And Min Huey is a person who can describe events VERY PARTICULARLY. So, I shall be the saint here and save you of that distress.

And of course, to make use of the internet, I went to google the topic. What I got was gazillions of pharmaceutical companies promoting their detoxification teas. I also read a comment from one of the users that consumers should be very careful to check for laxatives which give the supposed 'detoxing through purging' effect. I kept reading and found out that it was exactly what I felt when I was on the vege-only diet. And so, I have decided that it should be a monthly thing just to clear my system of all the toxic MSG, carbonated oil and what nots.

Having a blender is very helpful too, except for the fact that I like to blend everything with ice-cream (any alternatives?). I blended watermelon with vanilla ice-cream, I blended honey dew with vanilla ice-cream, I blended coffee and chocolate ice-cream, I blended chocolate with vanilla ice-cream and oats. I blend everything nowadays! I must say I'm having fun. So if you have any suggestions of what I can blend together (please make it edible), I'm open to ideas.

On another note, I was so bored, I was going through my friends from HMC 's blogs. Among which was Adelias. And I came upon this picture:


And then, being the narcissistic me, I stared and stared and wished that I could have the body I had back then. I was neither too skinny or too fat. Although I had no muscles what so ever, and I was jelly-ish, I could fit into ANYTHING!! And I mean anything. Trust me, I pushed my limit, I had none.

I know, No-Action-Talk-Only will take me no where, and so, I shall give up one meal a day. So, please don't tempt me with food. I already have a hard time controlling myself. I love food, but I want my body back as well. I don't want this sad excuse of a body of which I have to cover up everyday. It sucks to be able to see nice clothes but not being able to buy them and wear them. And so, if you ask me to choose between food and clothes, I think I'd choose clothes. I think that's like the most bimbotic statement I've ever made, but tell me which girl isn't vain and I'll show you a frog under a coconut shell. You know how they say that pretty girls always get treated better than the not-so? Deny all you want, fight all you want, but in reality, it does happen. Don't blame the parents, blame society and those who impose this stupid sense of aesthetic need in us. I, for one, don't wish to abuse myself, but I don't really fancy people taking me lightly or just passing me off as well. Stupid I know, but it's a cold hard fact. How stupid it is that I must let people notice me before they take me seriously? You may have a different experience, but that's you altogether. This has been my experience, and this is my conclusion. After all, they don't ask you to submit photos with your resume for nothing you know.

On a lighter side, here are other old photos. I'm still staring and wishing hard!!

Stick thin then, Guat Lee, I know you might never read this, but I miss you a lot

Somebody thought it'd be cool to take a picture of Sharon and I looking like Chinese-national girls-who-can't-find-better-job-than-you-know-what

I just like this picture because of how Boon Woei hated the whole idea. This was taken the night they all came over.

All the girls from our first group in HMC.

Also, Meiyuin and I have been busy uploading photos on the Convent group we made in Facebook. Facebook is EVIL!!! Yawn...I'm sleepy. I'm going to sleep until Angeline wakes me up..Hehe..And then I'm going to get a scolding from her.

Last but not least, I've come to this point of my life when I feel like making amends with everyone. But I'm still stubborn enough to let that part of me control my ego. It all started with Guat Lee, and now it is spreading. However, although I feel that way, part of me also tells me that there are certain friends of whom I shouldn't even bother obliging. No, I'm not saying that I want to break off with my friends whom I find no use of, I'm just saying that I feel like there is no point in keeping in touch or rather TRYING to do so with people who can't be bothered/ treat me like crap/ only come to me when they need my help/ don't trust me/ pretend to like me. I'm not being selfish, am I? I'm just being rationale. Why do I have to oblige to people I don't like? Time and time again I'm reminded that if I help others, they won't only NOT appreciate it, but they'd kick me in the face as well. So, honestly, is it worthwhile to put myself into trouble for such people? You may argue that is what friends are for. But let me tell you that friends will also not let you go through trouble unless they really need to, and even so, they'd always be thankful, never taking you for granted. If I can break free from this, I'm a step closer to breaking free from my mother's reign of terror. I'm just so negative, ain't I?

I am Jane on Exam Eve

As if Sunway Tes messing up the exam timetable forcing me to sit for two papers in one day wasn't bad enough, and my laziness which repelled me from studying didn't add up to the disaster wasn't disastrous enough, my housemates have decided to become hyenas ones again. I believe they are all were-hyenas who only turn noisy when the moon comes out. Not only that, these people have been threatening to bar us peer meager students from the dawn of its birth. An idea just struck me; should I call in sick? As in, get an MC and all? But then again, I have been very discipline in terms of sitting for tests all these while, even though I very much knew before hand that I would fail. There's always mock. And that's when I finally get serious. Thankfully, I do get serious when it comes to the mock exams, although it's just a MOCK exam and I really should literally MOCK it. I'm just being lame, don't mind me.

The thing is, this semester I promised I'd save myself from the agony of having to sit and wonder if I did pass my exams. But if I continue slacking, I just know that it'd be the same thing all over again. Nonetheless, I was very discipline at the beginning of the sem. It's almost three quarters over now and my absent days can be counted on a single hand. Very proud of myself, I must say. But it's time for me to buck up now. The clutching jaws of the exams are drawing near again. And it is getting tougher and tougher by the moment. Although we all know I can bullshit well and the Professional Accountant is a paper which requires a lot of bullshitting (probably that's how I got such good grades the first time), the passing rate is freakishly low, and I do want to pass it the first time around. I feel my dreams which I've painstakingly painted on my study wall coming through one by one, some delayed, but still realisable.

And so, because they are hyenas and I cannot sleep, I might as well study the whole night through and pray I don't collapse or become brain dead by afternoon. Wish me luck!!

P/s: Beau has been bugging me to see his mum. It wasn't that I didn't want to. It's just that everytime she's down, I'm always away. Or even I would have left just before she arrived. And so, last Tuesday, I took the liberty to make a trip to meet the mother of my beau and I must say, I have complete trust in him now when it comes to understanding me. Haha! One of his attempts at 'persuasion' came in a form of an SMS that read "Come lar.. I'm sure you'll like her. She's not like all mothers.. Not all mothers are bad like yours. I give you 'mother back guarantee'. See! So nice..got mother back guarantee some more" or somewhere along that lines. Not that I do have a choice to trade my mother in. She is, after all my mother, what I am and what I'm not is partly because of her. Even though she isn't the most supportive, at least I've benefited by being forced to learn to stand up and fend for myself. For that I'm grateful. So please don't say I'm an ungrateful child (although my mother always uses that on me). Although, the line did crack me up when I first read it. How cute can he be? And yes, beau...you have proven to me that not all mothers are bad. Your life's purpose is fulfilled. You can rest in peace now, mummy's brown-eyed boy. By the way, I've really never met someone so pleasant and unassuming!

Time to hit the books now. Will I be lucky again this time around? I hope the Mr. MO doesn't count my marks wrongly again. BLASPHEMY!!! My next post (once I'm done with my papers) will be on racism. Since that's a huge topic when it comes to me and so many people have raised it to me.

I am sleep deprived Jane

Came back after sending Arvind and Brindha off at the air port, I had freaking eye bags for the first time! That was how tired I was. Came back, Sanjeevi sent us home, I went to college to meet Angeline to get her law notes, did my labelling, watched a movie while doing it, hung around after she finished class. And then went back, just in time for Ezra's 'buka puasa'. Yes. OMG! Ezra of all people fasting. He is obliged to, but he usually doesn't. Apparently he's carrying some emotional burden so apparently he feels the need to fast. Lol. Anyway, had a bloody FULL-filling dinner. Too full for my liking. And then, passed by Topshop and saw like a really good deal so I just grabbed two pieces of clothings and ran out. It only caused me RM39!!Wuthefak right? Pulled Ezra here there and everywhere but he didn't complain one bit! Haha, I never knew guys liked shopping. Although I still prefer dragging Sunil along since he knows my taste. Anyway, this is going to be short because I can't open my eyes anymore. Further more, I haven't done my articles. So off I go. Will continue my great story another day. On a second thought, I think I'll keep it to myself. I don't have to explain myself to anyone after all.

I am Jane, still doing everything except studying

Hello! I'm back again for the second time today, or at least in Jane's time zone. When I wrote the first blog, I was still free of worries (except for coming exams) and was busy blending everything I could think of. Later in the evening, my friend who DOESN'T stay under the hostel management told me that she heard rumours of rent PER PERSON increasing again. And so, as if this was a window of opportunity, I decided to ask around and find out that it WAS true and that a notice had already been issued. My speculation was right. Condo's new rate would be RM650 for twin sharing (outrageous, no?) while penthouse would be RM600. Others do not apply to me. As if their current and in fact, PREVIOUS rate was not high enough. Do they seriously think that our parents print money, or do they want to force us to leave just so that they can accommodate to students whose parents DO print money?Even so, how many students have parents who do print money? Sheer madness. Maybe there will come a day when nobody will even want to step foot in this place. As it is, they have ridiculous rules which hinder us from bringing anyone in except our parents (this includes simblings too). Which is really not logical. For one, any dirty old man can pose as someone's father (yes, they don't bother checking or even questioning if you look old, they just let you walk right in) and come in, rape somebody else's daughter and walk out. On the other hand, if you're an 8-year old, and you have a brother living in the hostel, you are suspicious because they think you can rape 18-22 year-old guys or even intend to steal things from their units. Madness! The reason why they want us out is so that they can check in new students, especially foreigners. For one, new students would mean new fees, extra incremental unnecessary charging for rubbish and students who are more ready to comply with existing rules instead of those who have been staying around and have a higher tendency of breaking the non-sensical rules. If they were to say that my term is over, I'd gladly leave. However, that just isn't the case. Although now that the price is so unreasonably high, I do stand a better chance of convincing my mother. My father agrees with me, although he's still not convinced by my driving skills. My mum has recently gone missing with her friends and will be back on Friday. The reason why I want to move is because I get very agitated when people misuse my things. And I like to keep to myself. There's really nothing wrong with my roommate; at least she keeps to herself and I keep to mine. But I would really enjoy the privacy of being ALONE and being able to sleep naked (Lol. For illustration purposes only. I DO NOT SLEEP NAKED!). Further more, I'd be able to on and off the light as well as adjust the air-cond temperature to my liking. Not that I'm not allowed to do it here, but at least I have more freedom. The thing is, my mother doesn't trust me with freedom anymore. If she could, I bet she'd put a CCTV over my head so that she can see wherever I'm going and whatever I'm doing. She claims that she cannot be bothered anymore, but the fact is she's a control freak, for life. Control freaks don't just let go, they never do. Face it. It's undeniable. Seriously, if she could she'd control everything in my and my brother's life, if she could. As for my brother, he lets her control everything, so much so that she doesn't find it challenging anymore and so-call doesn't wish to control anything anymore. But for me, of course, NOT letting her take control of me makes controlling me so much more challenging and exciting. It's just like telling the kid not to play with fire. The more you tell him not to, the more he wants to. It's vice versa for both of us. In the sense that the more she wants to control me, the more I won't let her; the more I won't let her, the more she wants to. It's a vicious perpetual cycle. The only way to break this cycle is by avoiding her. And by that, I mean staying FAR AWAY (literally and figuratively) from her. It's not like I don't enjoy my mother's company at all. I do, when I haven't seen her for a long time. It's like they say, absence makes the heart fonder. I'm sure not seeing me for a long time makes her miss me as well (G would say that I'm just trying to make myself feel better). I think if I were to make a survey, it'd be almost scientifically proven that the longer I stay away her, the longer it takes before she starts screaming when I see her. All things vice versa. And with that, is it wrong to conclude that we both need our own space? It's not wrong isn't it? Because by not seeing each other, we tend to get on each other's nerves less. But of course she'd deny it since she's traditional and she always plays the "I'm Your Mother" card.

So, my current foreseeable options are:

1. Apartment is a big no-no since it's dirty and it'd be full anyway since everybody (especially those who saw the notice earlier) would have queued up to switch over. I think I'd probably go insane if I had to stay there. *Please please PLEASEE don't let me resort to this.
   
2. Indah Villa looks like a drug addict joint and it's not safe to walk from there. On the other hand, it is also ridiculous to drive a car from there to college since it's quite near.
3. Palmville perhaps? But I found out that it's just as expensive as the condo. Plus, not all units are nicely furnished and of course you have to pay extra for the better furnished ones.
4. SLV where I'm staying is also a big no-no since its occupancy would be also full to the brim because a small single room here costs RM600 which is cheaper than what you pay for a double sharing room PER PERSON. Let's just put it this way, a lot of people agree that privacy is priceless and is even more important than space per se.
5. Angeline and her boyfriend. After all, she is doing the same course as me and my mother would definitely ask about this. But the thing is she stays in SS 18 and staying with her would mean that my parents would expect me to hitch a ride from her instead of letting me drive, which would be inconvenient for the both of us.
6. Wait for Kuan to come back next semester and move in with her, wherever that is. But then again, with the price hike, will she even come back? Not all parents are the same as mine. Mine would "sacrifice" for me, but never fail to remind me that I'm the cause of their sacrifice (but I gave them other better alternatives which they rejected, so it isn't really my fault right?).
7. I want to move to Kota Damansara, specifically Palm Spring. I don't know why. The first time I saw it, I felt an affinity towards it. Plus, they have security guards who actually BOTHER to look at who goes in and out and do you know they have NINE swimming pools?? Plus the rent there is way cheaper than here, and it's a nice quiet, up-coming area. Although the traffic jam (which is avoidable) is horrible there. Other than that, it's near The Curve (hey, don't judge me. Pyramid is right in front of me, okay? Having The Curve nearer to me won't mean that I'll be going there everyday. Although did I mention that this week alone, I've gone to Pyramid five times in a row?) and PLUS highway. I don't think travelling would be a problem. Since I won't be having classes everyday anyway (which makes my staying here even more unreasonable, if you calculate transport and everything). Plus, I'd have a better variety of F.O.O.D. There are a million and one reasons why I want to move there (which includes the fact that KPMG's new office is around that area). And my mother wanted to buy a house here. But seeing the current instability, I don't really think it's a good idea. Further more, I plan NOT to stay in this country. I'm all for change and adaptation.

The other underlying problem is my mother's reaction when she comes to know about this. The last time I told her that I wanted to move, not only did I get a shocking surprise, but I got a great big nagging as a main dish. My mother never forgot what I wrote in 2006. I haven't. But I choose to keep mums about it. Because it was a painful experience for me. I have learnt my lesson and I have moved on. But to my mum, I'm still that same naive stupid girl who let people take advantage of me. Wait until she sees what a cut-throat bitch I can be. I've moved on, she hasn't. And that's the biggest problem I have right now. She just refuses to believe that I've grown up. I don't know how I can show her. Everytime I think about it, I feel like Waverly Jong from Amy Tan's "The JoyLuck Club". I can relate to her exact words. Waverly Jong also plays a corporate bitch in that book. And even though she can stand up to as well as face anything and any one, her mother still remains the only person who can make her cry with just one sentence, or rather, the lack of it. This is the most important lesson I will have to learn in my life. I've learnt how to stand up to my mother, but I have to learn not to let her manipulate my feelings as well as to keep myself composed after hearing whatever she hurls at me. And when I succeed in doing that, I'd know that I've won the war against her. Lillian Too once said in her fortune book that for a person of my birth date, I should stay away from family because even though they mean good, they will be the source of my obstacles. They will be the ones who hinder me from being better and greater than I am. They will be the one who will stop me from realising my full potential as well as from enjoying life's benefits. And I for one, will not let that happen. I am unwilling to let someone get in my way. I refuse to let myself be lesser than what I can be because of somebody else. It's so unfair that somebody will have such a great influence on my fate and I refuse to let that happen. And so, my mother is now my greatest enemy in life, after ACCA, so to speak. I know her reaction when she finds out about what I say. All the self-pity will come out and I will be made to feel bad. And don't you think that she is my biggest obstacle? Can I use self pity against her? Most definitely not because she feels that she is not to be blamed for what ever happens in my life, even if it really is her fault. Simply put, my mother makes decisions for me of which I have to bear the consequences while she feels no remorse at all. Oh, mother, what will I do with you, and what will I be able to do without you (pun intended)?

What I'm facing right now, is exactly the same as our country's political situation right now (I must add that all these politics are really becoming a big distraction to me); uncertain. Anything can happen. We really don't know who is good and who is bad. They say a change is coming, but how certain are you that the change will be one for the better? I do agree that the current situation is going no where else but down hill, but it doesn't mean that the other side will be able to bring it up again. Let's not forget that together with the people who are sick of being mistreated are the people who have been pampered all their lives. They've been given fish for their whole life that when asked to fish all of a sudden, they just refuse to do so and still wait for fish to fall on to their lap. I must add that I am of unsound mind and that these are just my two cents and non-sense, since they're very fond of imprisoning bloggers nowadays. I side no one (except for LKS of which I'm a huge fan), not because I will only side the one with a better chance of winning, but because I don't trust both sides. Unless LKS were given a chance to be PM of which we all know is impossible given the current situation. I don't think I'm being unloyal to my country. I do love my country. I love the mixture of ethnicity, I love the scenery, heck I even love the fact that I can have friends of so many other races (which I find weird because I really do like mixing with other races rather than my own for some weird reason, and for that, should I be considered a traitor of my own race as my dad puts it?) but I don't like how things are done.
All my life, I've had to live and make do with what ever life throws at me; always having to find loopholes, alternatives, back-ups. So much so, I've become quite good at turning an unfavourable situation (such as the price hike), to work in my favour. I'm not afraid of change. The future doesn't scare me, although I don't really like the uncertainty. It's the past that haunts me. It wouldn't be that bad but having a mother like mine who constantly reminds you of your past mistakes is no help at all. Rather, it really is an obstacle because her reminder always puts fear into you. I'm a risk taker. I don't sit and wait for things to happen. I make things happen. And I hurl back whatever is thrown at me. That's the way I've been brought up and that's how I've survived. But my mother considers hurling back whatever she throws at me as disrespectful. But isn't throwing things like that at me disrespectful to me as well?

Long before I saw it on Lim Kit Siang's blog, I've already made up my mind that respect is something that cannot be demanded and it is not something that is in-born, but respect must be earned by each and every one of us. It is that same fateful thought that made him my hero. Because only a humble person who believes that no one is above the law will dare claim such a thing. I may appear as an arrogant person. But I don't really think I am. It's just something I have to put up just so people don't step all over me. The whole damsel in distress thing doesn't work for me at all. For me, it's always been every person for himself, sad to speak. But that doesn't mean I'm not compassionate. I am. I'd help out in any way I can. But if you betray my trust, then I won't even consider you at all. Fair enough?

I impatiently await the day I gain victory over my mother's tyranny. I would like to stress that I'm not an ungrateful child. This is just a war I have to win in order to gain my self confidence, as well as an obstacle I have to overcome on my way to self-realization.

I have only two hours to sleep before Sunil wakes me up to send Arvind and Brindha (they are literally inseparable in the sense that Arvind and Brindha always come together, figuratively and physically) off at KLIA. I still wonder why I can see beyond race while everybody still looks at colour. Aren't we all humans at the end of the day? That, coming from a girl who's terrified of black guys. Irony. I'm not being a hypocrite, okay? Don't judge me. I have my reasons.

P/s: I finally realised something comical. If I were Scrooge (not to say that I'm stingy) then my mother would be the Ghost of Christmas Past and my dad would be the Ghost of Christmas Future (not that I'm calling my parents ghost or hoping that they'd die (touch wood), but it's just a figure of speech. Ah! I'm going to bed for good. Promise I'll study tomorrow.

I am Jane having an Orgasm

I am also Jane, doing everything except study. I woke up pretty early today (part of my plan to live a healthier lifestyle) and promised myself I'd do some substantive studying. But ever since 11am, I've done everything except that. Did I mention I bought a new toy?

I now have a Philips blender and am very happy with my purchase. Why? Today I decided that it was an auspicious day to officiate my blender and so, I chose a ripe mango to start it all off with. I puréed the mango, added a bit of sugar just to get rid of the acidity, popped it into a container and into the freezer, stirring every half an hour (because it was a small batch, logic!) and three hours later, voilà! Me mango sorbet (I forgot to take pictures because after I took a bite just for sampling, I got so carried away that before I knew it, I had finished the whole batch! And am definitely craving for more). I'm now waiting for the other two mangos to ripen just so I can purée them. Besides that, I also have a watermelon waiting to be blended when the time comes. In between waiting for the mango sorbet, I also decided to blend ice scream with coffee. Although I didn't have ice to make ice blended, it tasted just fine. Except that instead of ending up with ice blended coffee, I had coffee-chocolate milk shake which tasted orgasmic.

Yes, I'm in love with my blender and my roommate and I were thinking of all things possible to blend while I was busy having an orgasm from the mango sorbet and she was testing out her electric yoghurt maker. And now, I'm going to go study, just so I won't feel guilty at the end of the day. More blending later!

I am Jane catching a breather

Been meaning to blog, but just couldn't find the time, between getting caught in class, rushing here and there, meeting so-and-so, and the unavoidable shopping. I'm finally sitting on my bed, eye lids feeling heavy, articles finished, stomach full, and all ready to hit the sack.

I really should think about investing in a voice recorder to record all my thoughts, but then again, I'd probably lose interest in a few days, or worse still, never even bother to open it. Nevertheless, this week has been an eventful week, and I'd say that although things didn't go 100% my way, I think they were tolerable times.

Things I've come across on my path to self-realisation this week, very random because they happened on different occasions, but still, serve as a very good lesson and a great satisfaction to me:

1. I hate injustice: I don't only hate it when it happens to me, but I hate it when it happens to other people as well, and this includes characters of movies I'm watching. I really don't know why, everytime I see someone getting a sucker punch for something he didn't do, (even if it's just a movie), I feel my temperature and heart beat rising, I wish I could do something (change the story line?). Probably because I've gone through so much injustice, that's why I now have empathy, maybe. Well, nobody ever said that life was a fair, what I always here is life's a bitch, so you've got to be the bigger bitch to survive, which brings me to the next one:
2. I am a Cut-throat bitch and I'm proud to be one almost two years ago, when I was staying alone in Damansara Heights, Diane stayed over and we had the best girl talk ever (yeah, totally *just for effects). She also told me, just before she left, and she also permanently inked it into my book of memories that in life, sometimes you've just got to be the cold hearted bitch for people to respect you. During those days, I wouldn't consider myself weak, but vulnerable I was. Even though I did see the truth in her words, it was hard for me to live up to them, maybe because I just don't like being cold hearted. Today, I really see that I sometimes turn into a stone cold cut-throat bitch, especially when I am angered or injustice is hurled into my face. And I don't mind being one, because deep down inside, I know why I'm doing it, it's because people who DON'T get the cut-throat bitch treatment treat me like crap and walk all over me, and people who do but still treat me like crap deserve all the crap I throw back at them. Agree?
3. Turn right, turn left, go straight, still die; No, not literally, it's really an old Malay saying. It's when whatever you do is considered wrong, no matter what your intentions are. I went clubbing last week after a very long while, and found out my best friend's new policy in dating. I won't exactly approve of it, but he has his points. So, we shall live and let live. The thing is, I met his new official girlfriend, but I really didn't like her even after the first meeting and I kind of guessed that the relationship was out of lust (either that or my friend has thoroughly gone insane). I really couldn't say anything because everytime he called or I did, she was always there, so I assumed that he was deeply and newly in love again, although I really didn't think that it'd last. Whatever it is, things aren't turning out well now, and one day, he started telling me all the things that I noticed the first time I met her. I really don't understand how a mere stranger can see through another stranger on the first meeting while lovers take almost three months to figure one another out. But that really isn't my problem. My problem is I was asked why didn't I say that I didn't like her in the first place. Why? My reasons are pure logic, common sense with a hint of experience. For one, the last time I told my best friend I didn't like her lover, I lost a best friend, not that I feel anything now. I really don't feel the lost. Secondly, if a person can spend every single day with another, it would mean that you really like the person, or at least can tolerate the person, right? Which would mean that if I were to say that I don't like the latter, chances are that you're going to defend the latter, right (or worse still, just turn your back on me)?
4. I am slowly forming a personality of my own, and nobody else's. I don't mean to say that I had no personality back then, I'm just saying that when you're young, you tend to get influenced easily. I find that I'm slowly growing out of it, which is both, good and bad. Good because now, I don't really bother about what other's think about what I do. I just do what I think is right and don't give two flying fuck about the rest. Bad because I'm stubborn, and I'm scared that once I become personally stable, then I will become even more stubborn in my ways. As it is, I already have many principles of which I am very unwilling to compromise. Is it wrong if I have my own justification of what's right and wrong? You can't judge me. Because I say it's WRONG! Lol. Seriously, I really agree with the theleological moral standard of egoism. Why should your actions be any more right than mine? If you can tell me, than we can compromise, but I'm not bowing down. With egosim, also comes my bigger than life ego; which is very rare for a girl. (is there such a thing as an Alpha Female? Lol). By the way, I think the right to privacy should be made a mandatory human right.
   
5. Money and Me don't go together. I wish it really wasn't this way, but my bank account has really suffered a huge severity in terms of materiality this month. I've been over-activating it, I think. I promised I'd save my pay for something better, but money has been flying out of my wallet/ bank account/ pocket/ hands as if it is able to defy all gravitational forces. Nevertheless, I shall make a new resolution to try harder from now on.
6. I'm not your average girl. I don't do things that average girls do. Maybe I've passed the average girl stage, or maybe I'm purely just simply not one. I don't know. Sunil doesn't see me as a girl although Gan HAS to or else he'd be so gay, but I think I'm a different type of girl to him, in the sense that I'm his one and only girl (muahahaha). The other day, after clubbing, we were all sitting at the Darussalam having supper and because there was a guy to girl ratio of 3:1, I got incorporated in as one of the guys. Even though I provided a girl's kind of view, I was still, one of the guys. Not to say that I'm always just one of the guys when it comes to my guy friends, but with these people, I'm always one of the guys. However, after their long discussion, they have come to a conclusion that I'm not your average girl who goes bimbotic at the sight of pink and fluffy things. I may be a cut throat / corporate bitch, but I'm definitely not a bimbotic bitch. That's the different.
   
7. I will always have friends I can count on. Let's hope it stays that way. I feel like things are getting back to normal. And I'm glad to have all these wonderful people around me. I just hope things stay like this without having to drift them apart. I wish there weren't anymore misunderstandings that will make us mad at each other. I'm not exactly miss popular, but just as long as these handful of people stay close to me, I'm grateful enough.

By the way, I met Ai Li last week after I took of my stitches (which was fucking painful), and she brought the whole convoy with her. Met some new friends who were with me in HMC but never got to know them, and met the old great gang; well, part of it. Sharon, Mandy, Boon Woei, Sharon still looks the same (and she has an O-kui or what they like to call Sook Tau Woo Kwai boyfriend). You should have seen her face when Kevin threw it over his shoulder, it looked as if he threw her heart down! Lol. Mandy still has evolving funky hair styles, she reminds me of that Harry Potter character whose hair colour always changes. Aili is still Aili, same dyed hair colour, same tone of voice , same kind of funny (People, Aili says she deserves to be slapped sometimes, so if you feel angry, and feel like slapping someone, please call Ms Ng Ai Li at 0163******. Or, you can just go to her blog from the links at the side and set an appointment with her). The shocker here was Boon Woei, he looks....taller, and not Boon Woei.

Boon Woei being shy. When asked if he missed me, he non-hessitantly answered "No, I don't miss anyone wan". GG.

I remember the best day I had in Help with them. It was definitely not the first day of school,it was definitely not my birthday, but it was the night when they all crowded into my small but cozy and filled-with-sorrow room and we chatted all through out the night. I even remember Weiling acting funny in front of the web camera with Han Foong and Boon Woei's expression show. He was so good at it. I kind of miss those days, really. If I had the chance, I would have made them better, spent more time with them, instead of spending my time with someone so useless who didn't even appreciate my existance. Nevertheless, the experience gave me a really good friend, so I'm not one to complain.

After meeting AiLi, I headed over to meet Diane, and off to Sungei Wang we went. Mind you, I'm not a Sungei Wang girl and I most definitely hate the crowd. But that was the only place that sold the belt I really wanted and so, what I want, I will try my best to get and that's how we ended up in Sungei Wang. Fortunately, the usual crowd was not present because it was a week day and so, I could walk freely without having to worry that I'd be squeezed in between smelly armpits. I think Sungei Wang has this aura about it. The minute I stepped into the place, I felt a shiver down my spine, not a scary one, but a disgusted kind of thing. It was as if I had just stepped into LALA-land, where the Lalas go crazy over RM10 clothes and what not. Diane agreed, Sungei Wang has this way of making you feel cheap, not to say that we feel a must buy branded clothes, but it puts us at ease to know that we did not cause or rather, help promote child labour and un favourable working terms.

Random picture because my blog is so wordy. Looks like I'm giving the De Wars bottle a titty fuck, and am enjoying it too. Curse the camera man who took the picture for positioning the camera that way. By the way, the guy in white, his name is Nike. Seriously. It says so on his I.C. And the Chinese guy in black, Sam, he's single and currently looking. So any takers? And the Cheshire cat at the back grinning from ear to ear, don't bother.

By the way, did I mention I cut my dress? It's the exact one I'm wearing in the picture above. It used to be a spaghetti straps with bra paddings. Spaghetti straps don't flatter me as much as halters do and even then, the spaghetti straps were always coming lose, exposing my boobs. And thus, I decided to do a 5 minute alteration by snapping the spaghetti straps at the end so that I can tie it as a halter, and made little incisions like those done for boob augmentation, and removing the bra paddings which made my boobies look pornstar-like. Hahaha..

Doesn't this look like an arts and crafts lover's heaven. It sure does for me, although the things are too over-priced for my liking. They do sell great stuff and offer a very huge variety though. Art Friend (or heaven) in The Gardens Midvalley.

Doesn't this look familiar? This is one of the 'smart' toilets our DPM had to personally officiate not long ago. I guess somebody decided to show the toilet who is smarter. Or maybe the toilet just wasn't smart enough. Goes to show that any toilet will be vandalised by Malaysians. Why bother building smart ones? They'll just end up like this. With flies swarming around, and rubbish in the sit.

By the way, went for my first belly dancing class and absolutely loved it, although it's priced at RM 35 per class (oouch says my wallet). I think it's worth it because they only have a small class and the teacher is really nice and patient. And I have bad coordination. Lol. That isn't new, but I do have agility, which is good for belly dancing. Expect a toner me soon! In view of my healt consciousness, I have decided to detox. Anybody knows a good detox plan?

My penthouse idiots housemates made an even bigger mess and these people should be sent to reform school where they teach them basic manners and courtesy. The whole house is full of flies and the flies have migrated into my room, which is VERY ANNOYING especially when I'm trying to sleep. I've tried killing them with Ridsect but the buggers were still flying around even after one whole day. In the end, I killed the ones who accidentally flew in between my screen protector and LCD by smashing them lightly. Disgusting, but necessary.

Till then, my boring blog will be boring, although I'm not complaining because boring means I'm not angry. Bear with me.

P/s: Today is supposed to be "Malaysia Day". I'm still looking for the new government but I don't see one. I don't mean to say that the soon-to-be new one will be any better than the old, but what's really obvious is that it's time for a change. Let's just hope for the best

Also, I got my Progress Test one marks back this week. The paper I studied my ass off for, I failed! Not only that, some idiot who calculated my marks understated my marks and my stupid lecturer refused to add them back for me. It's not just one or two marks. It's a lot. Irony is that he's the same guy who never forgets to remind us that "every mark is precious". Why don't you live up to your words? The other paper, which I didn't study at all, and went in to the exam hall only thinking of going back, I did pretty well! Seriously, the only moral of the story here that I see is don't study so that you will not only pass, but get good marks as well.

P/p/s: Since somebody said that he hasn't been very involved in my life for the past few weeks, let me remind him that I just went out with him last Sunday for a great lunch and successful shopping. That was the first time he ever let me pull him around Indian street looking for a long skirt after his faithful experience with his mother's Sarree shopping. Lol.

I am Jane, Calamity Jane

Auntie was disturbing me about how Murphy's law seems to rule my stars and planets (touch wood) and she decided that I should change my name to Calamity Jane. Which is kind of cool, since it is true to a certain extend.

Had a very fulfilling day today in terms of mind, but my wallet and bank account suffered a severe and significant drop in terms of materiality. I did everything I was supposed to do, although there were tiny changes here and there, but I still got everything done, but I came home tired and I wasted time looking here and there instead of doing my work.

About 10 minutes ago, there was a blizzard in Sunway. I wonder if there was a sandstorm at the surf beach. Lol. I was really excited when I heard the wind started howling, but as I was doing my work, suddenly my housemate cut off the internet. I can't blame her, but then again, if I don't finish my work, I wouldn't be able to go to sleep. It sucks living with other people. It's bad enough you have to tolerate other people during the day in public, but having to come home and not be able to feel comfortable or even have the least privacy really sucks. But then again, I'm not yet a graduate and I can't really do much about it (unless they kick me out! Of which I will find a way), but things are really getting out of hand. The penthouse idiots decided to test the already dying fridge's limit by buying more stuff which they didn't really need and stuffing everything into the fridge, this includes dry food stuff such as unopen spaghetti packs, unopened tuna cans and who knows what else. The fridge gave in and now it cannot be closed at all. The rubber has kind of worn off and doesn't stick. What's worse is I have strawberries inside as well as YOGHURT drinks. I remember the last time the fat-ass decided to go kampung and leave the fridge door open. Me, the unknowing victim, ate the yoghurt I had left there and had the worst stomach ache ever. It's like Deja Vu again. Now, at 3.40am, the next room is still laughing like a hyena, totally oblivious to their surroundings. Seriously feel like just taking the knife and slashing them one day.

Anyways, my net is constantly being cut off, so I shall elaborate tomorrow, with pictures. Good night!! By the way, I've made up my mind that I should stop making excuses and go for belly dancing classes starting this SATURDAY. Money burnt some more. But I hope this will be a good investment. We'll see how it goes.