I am Jane, reaching bottleneck point

In actual fact, I am the cause of this bottleneck situation. Sorry for the whole accounting jargon, but in layman terms, a bottleneck situation, is when limited capacity reduces the capacity of the whole chain (Yes, I am a Management and Cost Accounting freak, and yes, I know most people hate that subject). Well, you can also think of it in terms of physics, using that experiment where they put water through a that has a wide opening, a very narrow middle, and a medium-sized end. (I still love Physics even though I'm not studying it anymore).

It's not really my fault. You can't expect me to run a one-(wo)man show and expect me to produce the same results. Gosh, I feel as if I'm leading more than a double life here. So many things to do, so much expectations, so much objectives, so much goals, so much targets, so many people to please! I can't help to add that my mum has been working me non-stop the minute I reached home, moving the furniture (her annual fengshui must), baking cookies (she actually bought everything, but waited for me to come home so that I'd bake the cookies, I must tell you that she SPOILT the whole batch!!), cheesecakeS (notice how I highlighted the S), point here, point there, at the end of the day, I'm so tired, I just fall asleep the minute my BUTT hits the bed (I don't know how my head falls on the pillow or the quilt magically covers me). No time for OBU, no time for work.

Did I mention there's a test coming on? Same ol' same ol' "If-you-don't-get-above-30-marks-not-only-will-I-bar-you-this-time,-I'll-even-disown-you" threat from Mr Teo. Let's see if he means it this time. I have my way of worming my way through.

You know, I feel like a H.E.B. (highly efficient being) actually. Despite all the stress, I still carry on like an energizer bunny. Well, I don't know how long the adrenaline is going to last, but let's make full use of it while it's here to stay.

Things that I still need to do, in order of priority:

1. Have a good night of proper sleep
2. Do another 20 articles, perhaps?
3. Plan out Sunil's birthday (shit..it was a surprise)
4. Finish my OBU
5. Meet up with Mabel and Meiyuin
6. Get a new phone
7. STUDY (Please don't ask me why this is not top priority)
8. Clear out my closet
9. See the doctor
10. Find some place in Timbuktu where no one can find me so I can rest peacefully

How can I finish everything without anything else coming in? If the input stopped, I'm sure that I would have everything sorted out by now.

On another note, I've made a new (C)NY resolution. I shall stop binging whenever I feel stressed out. Totally challenging at this point since I'm constantly stressed. People screaming, work piling, lack of sleep, exhaustion. Damn it! Well, those who attempt the difficult always achieve the impossible.

I finally found the perfect perspective to do my research. It's so so perfect judging from how unscrupulous the business world is today. Oh, I'm so in love with myself right now. I think I need to be rewarded. Haha. Although, it has made me VERY VERY ashamed to be categorized Chinese. I know the Chinese are almost always the masterminds behind all these unscrupulous ways (trust a Chinese to look for alternative meat in a place where Chicken and other poultry are scarce). I hate it when people categorize me under a race. Sometimes I just feel like leaving that space blank whenever I fill up a form. Just today, Sunil's friend (who has never met me and seen how Chinese my features are) called up and asked me at least three times if I was Chinese. How do you talk to a person, and not sound like any race? And no, your fake "ang moh" accent (no matter how fake), is still "ang moh"-ly Caucasian and that is still a freaking RACE. Maybe I should start speaking like Stephen King. I sure hope that Machine is not a RACE.

By the way, I'm so in love with hobo bags and mary-janes. I saw one in Nike, but it had polka dots on it. (Yes people, its POLKA dots, not pokie dots [<--Peter insists its pokie dots], okay??!!) I also saw a pair in Skechers in beige and white. Loves.. Oh, yes, white is the new black now. Well, I still love black clothes, but I'm buying a lot of white recently as well. But Skechers being Skechers, the shoe cost RM289!! And here is when Internet shopping comes in handy (although it becomes a real huge distraction most of the time). Seeing that I don't really have the time to go shopping physically (because all I want to do after coming back from Menon's class is sleep), this whole online shopping is a real life saver. I still get to see pretty things, although i don't really get to touch or try them. Best of all, I get them at cheaper prices! Believe it or not, the same pair of shoes are selling on Amazon for USD 9.98!! You do the math.

Good night, I'm going to continue love-hating myself. I sweared that I'd finish the articles by tonight. I have 8 more to go, and 10 more to ammend. Oh, how I hate double work. When all this is over, I better have a bottle of Kahlua waiting to calm me down.

I am Jane all over the place

Sorry dear blog for neglecting you, I have been so freaking busy that I haven't even had time to sit down to absorb everything in. I guess that's what the beginning of the year does to everyone. I feel another strand of white hair coming on.. :s Everything has been moving at such a fast pace and I've been so busy running after it that I've lost my sense of judgement of what is really important.

I made a new resolution today. This year, I shall stop whining and revert to my old self. So this blog shall not be 95% about my mum anymore.

At the end of last year, I had it all planned out, my subjects, my timetable, my OBU project, my time allocation for friends (and family), and of course, myself. I got so comfortable planning that I forgot about the external factors. And true to Auntie's nickname for me, Calamity Jane will always be faced with disasters. Even before the first day of class, everything obviously wasn't going to go according to plan, classes clashing, missing data, MISSING AMOUNTS OF MONEY FROM MY STUDENT ACCOUNT FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME, and people who pissed me off by giving me more trouble. On top of all that, I still managed to solve other people's problems as well (and maybe because of that now the beau thinks that I'm super woman or something).

I knew from the start it would be hard, I knew that everyone will advise me against it, and I knew that I'd be all alone, but that didn't matter because I had my personal goals and objectives that I INTEND (and very stubbornly still intend to) achieve, by hook or by crook! What I'm sore about is that it's as if everyone (and everything) is going all out just to prove their point that I SHOULDN'T do it. And being stubborn Jane, I WILL do it, and I WILL prove them all wrong. These problems are popping up like wild mushrooms after a rainy day! Whenever I'm closed to solving one, something else pops up. And I have no idea where this energy and patience to deal with all this is coming from. I really have no clue. I don't even know how to solve the problem at its roots when I don't know what the root is!

Damn, I forgot I said I'm not going to whine this year. Anyway, I really hope that the madness will stop soon. I want to settle down, and carry on with my 'fool-proof' plan. I had it all figured out. Simple! Finish the OBU by Chinese New Year so that I can focus on my other three VERY HEAVY subjects. But no, Sunway has managed to slot in more classes for us! English class"Me no quarifying writing the Engrish, veli soli", computer classes for power point presentation (I thought we were the "Internet" generation?) and God knows what else they will come up with later. Just so fed up!

But life goes on, if there's one thing I've learnt is that the time I use complaining can be used to solve the problem. I used to scream at everything that comes in my way (I still do, just more randomly), but now, I just kick its ass. A fellow classmate of mine (we sit in the same class, but we don't know each other) apparently wrote some stuff about Sunway and got caught. I have no idea when complaining about something you pay for was a crime, but it apparently is. And I have no idea why people talk the talk but not walk the walk (me included).

I think I chose the most perfect topic for myself for OBU. Corporate Social Responsibility, lots of writing, lots of researching, lots of reading up to do, and did I mention lots of WRITING? I think I'm sick in the head, I had no idea I was so obsessed with writing until now. I honestly tell you that doing thesis papers are FUN! I don't understand why anybody said it is horrible.

Last but not least, I am still contemplating on a very risky decision that has to be made as soon as possible. It is clear that one of the lectures I'm attending is not doing me any good, and I have absolutely no idea why I'm still sitting there. It's time to move. Besides, risk has been nothing but a very good friend of mine who has rewarded me handsomely.

Mr. Marcus, I have no idea how you came across my blog, but thanks a lot for dropping by. Also, thanks for taking time off to help me clarify some issues. I'd be most oblige to share with you my 'opinions' as to why the students are behaving so, as you have been nothing but a very valued lecturer to us. You make difficult things so easy to understand! And I daresay I am not speaking for myself because I know a lot of people who think the same as well.

It's the whole rinse and repeat cycle again tomorrow, let's hope it stays that way. And this is coming from Jane who HATES routine.

Good night, it's menon early tomorrow morning.

And Chinese New Year shall finally come to good use this year for me to sort everything out, hopefully once and for all. And if anything comes in my way again, get your ass ready to be kicked! I still hate Chinese New Year =.=

Happy Belated Anniversary, beau!

I am Jane's 2009 irony

My first resolution for this year, is to stop procrastinating.
And on that note, I bid you good night for it has been a freaking long day for me, trying to sort everything out and putting back pieces, and because of which I am too tired to even start working.

And so, my first procrastination for this year, is to procrastinate on my new year resolutions.

Sorry for the late wishes, but merry Christmas, and happy new year.

By the way, I vote Christmas 2008 best Christmas ever. It has something to do with good company, friends, and 75.5% alcohol which gave everyone even more good company.

Good night.

I am Jane, exam stress-less!

It bloody feels good to be finally free from the clutches of exams. I don't know how I did, and I don't even want to think about it (trust me, this takes quite a lot of effort). The thing with ACCA is it's so temperamental, just like a bitchy PMS. You really never can be certain of passing. All you can do is sit, and wait, and hope, and pray.. and in the mean time, PARTY!!!

Which, ironically, I haven't gotten around to. I had the chance to go to Mansion yesterday, but totally blew it. Don't ask why. Anyway, will be heading home on Tuesday. Boo!! Mum is stressed out on self-inflicted problems. (I honestly am thankful I didn't inherit half of her double standards and dumbness) Which means that I (the innocent party) am going to be stressed out on mum-inflicted stress. Life just isn't fair, isn't it? Maybe now you get an insight of why I think she's my worst enemy. Thank God I will have a thesis to bail me out, if I decide that enough is enough. All hail the great RAP thesis (no, I'm not doing a thesis on rap music).

By the way, my mum is a real user (again, I thank God I see what she does and vow never to follow her footsteps). This is part of a conversation that took place few days ago:

Mum: Can you come back quickly?
Me : Why?
Mum: Because I want to try to bake cookies.
(Awkward silence.. contemplating or not whether to verbally express my thoughts)
Me : By YOU trying to bake cookies you mean I bake cookies.
Mum: Whatever lah! I can't find chocolate chip cookies like they used to make them.
Me : Wahlau!!! You pay people to bake cookies, but I don't get anything?
Mum: I buy the ingredients what!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not asking her for anything, I'm just pissed at the fact that she uses me whenever she wants to because I'm HER daughter (as if that gives her the right to brand her name on my forehead), and the other times when I ask for something, (even something measly), there'd be a whole commotion about how I just take without giving, and how I just keep taking and taking, and how my brother is perfectly contented with whatever he has. Well, for starters, he doesn't have to ask for anything because not only does he have ample supplies of whatever, he has EXCESSIVE supplies of everything! And so, I make my own money. And when she found out, she was more than happy to cut me off even more. Her favourite line now is "You have a lot of money what!". -.- Why don't I just emancipate myself, then? I have enough money to support me, my education is paid for. I don't need you. Plus, you don't provide emotional support. So, yes, I don't need you. Thank you for giving birth to me.

I'm not pissed off because she's giving me less and less money (as long as she gives me the agreed fixed amount, I'm fine. I'll make whatever excess I need). I'm just pissed off at how she is using me, and conveniently fitting me according to her convenience and no one else's, and her dumb right bloody smack-in-the face STUPIDITY! I've never called my mother stupid, because she has always somehow or rather come up with a thousand excuses on why she does what she does. They are a thousand of STUPID excuses, but by the time you've heard all of them, you'd be so confused you'd have forgotten they were stupid in the first place. Nonetheless, I guess old age is catching up with her. And she's slowly unable to cover her tracks as perfectly as she could.

WOMAN!!! I can't understand you for shits. I don't want to, and I won't even bother. What the hype is is if she can do this to me NOW, imagine what she will do to me in the future. God help me, I don't want to be stuck with her. Not because I don't care. Not because I'm not grateful, but because it will cause me such great mental torture that I will go insane before she goes senile.

Fuck you if you think I'm an ungrateful daughter. You don't know what mental torture is. Perpetual mental torture on a constant and consistent basis leads to a sure case of suicide, or lunacy. Whichever comes first. I rather die than become a lunatic forever haunted by her voice.

And thus, for the sake of my own sanity, for the sake of man kind, it is best that my brother gives back what he has EXCESSIVELY taken (by the way, she doesn't think it is excessive because he never asks for more, how ironic!).

And yes, I hate how her stupidity always ruins my plans and everything. And how because of her stupidity, I can't even carry out my own plans on my own, because I'm related to her, and it will cause other peopl to doubt her. Why oh why oh why, will you NOT be frustrated if you were me? Being understandable is one thing, being inconsiderate is another thing, being bloody selfish is another class of its own, and being bloody frustrated and not being to be wind down, well, that's the cherry on the whole freaking layer cake!

Oh, BOY! I can't WAIT to get home. tsk!


disclaimer: I am currently of an unsound mind due to the recently unresolved exam tension. I tend to think 'out of the box' about practically everything. Long story short, I tend to go out of topic, or misunderstand other people, and thus, sound like I'm talking in a world of my own. Apparently, the beau, Sunil and Auntie have come up with this theory that the more I study, the less social skills I will have. What do you expect? I've been cooped up in the house for over a month, with limited human contact! Any NORMAL person would have gone insane by now.

p/s: I tried out my own version of a mango cheesecake, and bloody hell, I never knew I could cook!

p/p/s: Since when did having fun feel so sinful? Why do I let her get to me? SIGH!!!

Nonetheless, I will have as much fun before I go home and am subjected to torture.

I am Jane's top ten reasons why my mum and I cannot go along

1. Double standards. What she has done, I cannot do. Reason being the world has changed and there are more bad people around. I don't understand. How is it that humanity is worse now than it was before? Back then there were rapists and burglars as well. What's so different about today and yesterday? She went all over the world when she was 18. I'm already 19 now. Why can't I go see the world? I'm going to go overseas anyway, whether she likes it or not. So I might as well give it a try now before I get a culture shock later. At least it'd be easier for me to settle in.
   
2. Suspicion. If she had her way, I'd be walking around with a CCTV camera on my head. I know I'm still young, but somebody has to teach the woman how to LET GO! I wonder what would have happened if I got the JPA scholarship instead of my brother, or better still, we BOTH got some scholarship and went overseas. Why does she have to monitor everything I do?
3. Guys are Martians we cannot trust. Indian guys, they are the worse. At least that's what she thinks! It so happens that my best friend and my beau are INDIAN GUYS. She already knows that my best friend is Indian, and she thinks that we're actually going out together. And today, as she was rummaging through my stuff AGAIN, she found a GROUP picture with my beau inside and her direction skipped all the Chinese guys and went only to him. I don't understand why my parents are so racist and what's wrong with Indian guys. As if Chinese guys are any better. I've met a lot of HORRIBLE CHINESE GUYS (not to say I haven't met any nice ones), but I don't understand why skin colour makes a person worse than another.
4. Over-protective paranoia. I know I'm a girl, and I know I made mistakes, but I've long moved on, SO SHOULD SHE!! I don't like the fact that she keeps harping on one mistake and that she'll take it with her through out the rest of my life for as long as her lips can move. I want to see the world. The more she wants to suppress me the more I want to fly away. I think that children are like water, if you give them clear paths, and freedom to make choices, they will flow smoothly and gently. But if you suppress them, or block all their freedom, they will start to find little cracks and holes, and even weak points to break even the biggest dam on earth. That's exactly how I feel, the more she wants me to stay, the more I want to go. The more she nags, the more she suppresses me, the farther I want to go. And once I leave, I will never come back. The other day, my dad's friend and my parents were talking about how their children should not fly too far away so that their parents can visit. That's the whole point! We don't want you to visit. If we want to see you, we will come back.
   
5. Distrustful. To say that I've never done anything for her to distrust me would be an utter and complete lie. But sometimes, parents don't know what's best for you. If my mother had her way, I would have been in Taiping doing my Form 6 and I wouldn't be here because I would have definitely flunked it because what I hate, I cannot do. Nevertheless, everything I say to her is a lie. Everytime I'm out, she will ask me "Where are you?" "What are you doing?" "Who are you with?" "When do you plan to go home?". Sometimes, when she asks me whom I'm out with. I just simply babble a name because if I gave her some new name, she would ask who the person is, which would lead to who his/her parents are, what do they do, where is she/he from..etc. I'M OUT CAN'T YOU WAIT UNTIL I GET BACK BEFORE YOU INTERROGATE ME? Even worse, she tells me that I shouldn't walk on the streets while talking on the phone, but when it's she who's calling me, and I tell her that I'm walking or on the bus, she'll say "Okay, okay. Call me when you reach home, don't be late. Remember to SMS. How are you going back? By the way, have you eaten? Did you know this and that did this and that?" Seriously, double standards again.
6. Don't go out so often. I know my limits lar. In fact, I haven't been out for a very long time. I know that if she had her way, she'd put a tracking device on me, or even attach me to a leash. URGH!!! Now you know why I want freedom so much. When I was a kid, I wasn't even allowed to go for birthday parties until I was 9-10. I don't understand what kind of mentality she has. If she could, I guess she'd put me in a cage in a corner of the house.
7. Mental torture and abuse. It's true, the words she uses, it's not borderline abuse, it's downright abusive and manipulative! She makes me feel bad when I haven't done anything wrong. There's always this fear inside of me. Like I said, my biggest enemy is her. I guess my only motivation is to overcome her.
   
8. Misunderstanding. The woman can't understand simple English. I'm telling her A B C, she's telling me Z Y X. And then she'll insist that she's right. And when she's proven wrong, she still has to be right. This sometimes involves a third party PROVING HER WRONG and she making a fool of herself by still insisting that she's right. Sometimes it's embarrassing. I thank God I don't spend much time in Taiping town.
9. Violation of Privacy. I like the way I organize my things. Sometimes it's messy, but it's an organized mess. I know where my things are so I know where to get them when I need them. Woman comes and messes up my stuff. She'll dig and forage through my things, and then misplace them somewhere else. Not only that, when I ask her where she put my things, she'll give me the generic "How would I know? You're always misplacing stuff". Well, if you didn't touch them, they wouldn't go missing! Very often I go home and see my room VERY EMPTY compared to how I left it the last time. And so, I had to LOCK ALL MY TOYS in my cupboard because she likes to DIG. Everytime I go back, there's always something missing. I won't be surprised to find that my whole room is missing one day. She's even spread her violation over here, digging through my cupboard, finding the tiniest evidence of distrust. Ohmigod. Please just leave my stuff alone!
10. I'm just never good enough. Just because other children have lousy parents and they do just fine, I'm supposed to do better because I have supposedly "GOOD" parents. My parents don't spoil me, and they TRY to set a good example, but I think they're giving the wrong signals. So no, they are not the best parents in the world. My mum has to learn that. Somebody please tell her that she's human as well and is prone to errors. I don't want a super mum if it means having her only 10 times worse. If anyone can stand up to my mother and tell all these to her face, I'd be forever in your debt. I seriously seriously am so fed up of her. I want to run, but I can't run. ARGHH!!! I better find a way to escape before she drives me crazy!
    

I am Jane's Nearing Future

You know how you always hear people saying cheesy slogans like "The Future is NOW!" and stuff like that? Well, I'm guessing that they don't really know the meaning of it. But I do!

I have always been very enthusiastic when it comes to doing anything that will bring me closer to my future, i.e. escaping from mum. That being with an exception to studying real hard. It's not like I don't study at all, it's just that I don't study as hard as I'm supposed to. I know for a fact that if I really pay attention and really put in the hours, I can do much better than I am doing. Needless to say, I think I value life a little too much to spend it all on books. But then again, I don't really have a social life right now, safe for the little outings here and there. In fact, I myself, have insistently and purposely secluded myself and shunt out the world just so I won't have an excuse to stay out late on useless 'yumcha' sessions, with my heart beating fast because I know I should be home studying for a test in a few days time.

Let me get this straight. I HATE 'YUMCHA' sessions, and I even hate the term 'YUMCHA'. Why? Because it sounds so boring and lame. Not only that, I believe it's something that only old men do. BALDING OLD MEN, whose kids have left the nest, and who refuses to go back to a NAGGY MENOPAUSAL OLD LADY, who can't get enough, or rather who's not getting 'any', who gossip more than the women at the hair saloon, who wear those plain white shirts which fit so tightly to show their bellies, and whose pants are worn either too high right up to their diaphragms or too low because they couldn't get enough cloth to cover their big bellies. And so, I do not understand why youth today, who have much better things to do, have decided that they too, want to be like this old men who sit in the coffee shop with a single glass of kopi-o in those crack-filled, off-white cup-and-saucers shaking their legs, waiting for the first drop of rain to fall. I don't have anything against old men, I just think that 'yumcha' is a waste of time.

However, that being said, I don't really mind the term 'lepak'. In fact, I like 'lepak-ing'. Perhaps it's because 'lepak' involves other things BESIDES sitting down and drinking ais kosong at the mamak (seriously, I know people who do such things*hint: his name starts with G). It's not like I have to be on my feet all the time, walking here and there, I do enjoy sitting down at Starbucks (No, I'm not implying I'm highclass, it's just that I've so happened to ONLY lepak there), Hartamas Square, Republic, or wherever... (just not in a mamak, because I hate the smell of unclean floors, and I SUPER HATE looking at what they do with food). But at least, besides sitting down, 'lepak-ing' also involves walking around aimlessly, playing snooker, throwing your friends into the pool, and the likes. Now, how on earth are you supposed to do that, when you only limit your 'yumcha' to drinking tea?

I don't even know why I went there. Nevertheless, this semester has gone by pretty quickly, and I'm getting quite used to this lifestyle. In fact, I believe this has been quite a smooth sailing journey, despite my having being admitted into the hospital, ear bleeding, and stuff like that. I guess I'm growing up. I feel more composed, not all over the place. It's like I've managed to pick up the bits and pieces and hold them still. Let's just hope it stays this way. I wouldn't mind! I know it's a little bit boring, but dullness is easier to fix than heart break. I've even come to the point where I've succeeded in ridding myself of un-answerable questions such as "Why not?", "I wonder why", "Maybe", and "Was it a lie?". Because I feel that it's not worth it.

Nevertheless, in a blink of an eye, I'm finally where I envisioned myself to be almost two years ago. It might have taken me longer to reach here, but at least I'm here. I'm just praying hard I'll be allowed to stay HERE and not be force to step back. But now that the future is so near, I'm a bit apprehensive about what to do. I've always worked for it, but now that it's mine to grab, I just don't know what to do!

For example, the thesis project for my degree will be starting the minute I finish my exams. Being the typical me, I lunged right into it without any second-guessing! It has always been my policy to strike while the iron is hot because I don't want to miss out on anything (past experience has taught me that). However, that policy has its shortcomings. Like, not being able to get the best deal, and sometimes regret follows suit. Whatever it is, I'm sure I was the first person to enquire about the project, and obviously pay for it. Once you pay for it, that's when everything is final. I even looked up the lecturer to tell him that I want to start the project earlier than the rest. I guess it's justifiable since he is the only good lecturer left whom I know of and is approachable since the other lecturers have left or are not mentoring anymore. And I just looked up the topics of which I must choose from:

1. An organisation’s budgetary control system and its links with performance management and decision making
2. How the introduction of a new technology can assist an organisation in achieving its business objectives
3. The impact of an aspect of impending legislation on the operations and financial position of an organisation
4. The impact of e-business on an organisation
5. The effects of globalisation on an organisation
6. The key factors or indicators in the motivation of employees in an organisation
7. The restructuring of an organisation’s operational activities and the effect on the organisation’s financial performance
8. The business and financial performance of an organisation over a three year period
9. The planning and implementation of an information system in an organisation
10. The effectiveness of the use of costing techniques within an organisation
11. The financial and operational costs and benefits of the internal audit / internal review activities within an organisation
12. The possible effects of a proposed accounting standard on the financial statements and business activities of an organisation
13. The relationship between an organisation’s human resources activities and its business objectives
14. The business and financial objectives of a strategic investment decision made by an organisation and its impact on key stakeholders
15. The management of an organisation’s working capital over a three year period and its impact on the organisation’s funding strategies
16. The financial and operational risk management within an organisation
17. The quality of the corporate governance within an organisation and the impact on an organisation’s key stakeholders
18. The marketing strategy of an organisation and its effectiveness
19. The financial and operational consequences of a merger between two organisations or of the acquisition of one organisation by another
20. An organisation's corporate social responsibility policies, including business ethics, and their impact on business practice and key stakeholders.

(http://www.accaglobal.com/students/study_exams/qualifications/degree/RAP/topic_areas)

Honestly, I have no idea what half of them are talking about, and am just guessing the other half. I hate project like these where I have to CHOOSE!! Why can't they just give us an ultimatum; this, or that. Not, A, B, C up to Z! I'm thoroughly confused as to which one to pick. I know I'll definitely do something about costing and management accounting, but WHICH ONE??? I hate the fact that I'm over ambitious, I always want to do this, that and everything under the sun, but with time constraint (thank God for such a thing), and procrastination, I never achieve what I plan to do, only part of it. And being a perfectionist, I always go too in depth, hence not covering enough grounds. I just know that I won't finish this in time. I'll start digging for information, and at first, it will look as if I don't have anything to talk about at all. And then I will procrastinate, and when the time constraint suddenly hits me, that's when the bottleneck will come in. Suddenly, everything will look relevant, and all the relevant things will have more things relevant to them, and those things will have an even deeper and wider scope to cover, and all of a sudden, I'm talking about a totally different thing, and then perhaps, I'll consider changing my topic. How on earth do I overcome this? I just hope the P1 exam wont be like this.

Other than that, I don't know how many papers to do next semester. Can you imagine that??? I have a remaining total of 4 papers to do (that is, if I clear all the papers this semester), and the dilemma consists of:

• taking 2 papers for 2 semesters, which means that I will have to stay here up to December 2009, which means that my mum will have to fork out almost RM4000 extra (which I know she doesn't mind, but will remind me about it for the rest of my life) compared to the other options.
  
• taking 3 papers next semester, and in my final semester, start working full time, as well as take my last paper part time, with a basic salary of RM2600 (today's current market rate offered by BDO Binder), which would add to my PER requirement to become an ACCA member. However, one of the papers that I MUST do next semester is called P2 Corporate Recording, which means that Menon is back in my life. I love how she teaches, because I don't have to go back and study after that. But I don't like her attitude. We're students! Not crap! I was lucky enough to have a calmer Menon during my F7, but apparently the dropping passing rates are driving her up the wall again, let's just see what happens next semester, maybe I'll be lucky again. By the way, this woman gives 12 hours of lectures a week, which means that if I'm going to be taking 3 papers, I'm going to be killing myself with almost every day of class, again! And after what I've gone through this semester, with only a three-day-week, i really don't feel like stressing up myself like that. I find it so much easier to breathe with the space I'm having now.
  
• taking 3 papers next semester, and then one in my final, but working towards a World Prize. Maybe this is far-fetched, but something tells me I have what it takes. It's just that I don't have enough time. And so, perhaps concentrating on one paper will definitely ensure that I will get a World Prize, and of course, a better job opportunity. Perhaps I'll go freelancing around. I'm already freelancing and the money is good, although I know it can be better. So maybe I will be able to convince her to let me stay outside and get me a car. I will, anyway, be paying for it, and I will have to use it once I start working.
  

In conclusion, I don't know when to graduate.

I need to do a cost-benefit analysis. That's the accountant speaking, by the way. I love costing. I don't know why I didn't think of CIMA in the first place, which leads to my next confusion, to CIMA or not to CIMA, that is the question. I know I definitely don't want to stop here. I know I want to get a PHd, and I know I love costing, but do I really want to put myself through all the pain of exams once I'm done with ACCA, just to get another professional certificate? I know people like Peter will tell me that I don't need it, but I want it! And that's why I don't know what to do. Need and want are two different things. But what if CIMA will give me a better, happier, more self-satisfactory job and life? And what if it doesn't? Also, I will have to pay for not one, but TWO freaking expensive professional fees in FOREIGN CURRENCY. And not just any foreign currency, but in POUNDS!! Which is almost 7 times our own currency on normal days, and close to 6 during recession, which is still freaking EXPENSIVE. By the way, our DPM thinks that we MALAYsians have a very high saving rate. Yes, we save more than Americans, ON AVERAGE, but please go to the shopping malls, and see the way *ahem certain people spend money (I'm not talking about myself). It's as if there is no tomorrow! It's as if money is going out of fashion and they need two freaking bright red sofas from Ikea, when they can get 5 for the same price at their beloved Court's Mammoth, which is ironically situated near Ikea.

I don't even know why I'm blogging. Probably too stressed up. I've attended Mr. Goh's class religiously, although I missed the morning part of today's because the medicine made me so drowsy. I fell really sick two days ago, and yesterday, Auntie talked Sunil (I'm guessing it wasn't his own initiative since I'm not Calista) into drag me to the clinic. It was kind of weird because it seems like we've ran out of things to talk about. Maybe we're growing out of each other. I don't know. I don't have time to think about that. I've now developed a "whatever shall be, shall be policy" when it comes to friendship. I really can't be bothered about people who can't be bothered anymore. Because I've learnt to live with what I have and make the best out of it.

Anyway, I went to class in the afternoon, and I must say, I hate hardworking people. I hate people who think that they are better/ smarter than you are. I hate people who look down upon you. It's as if, if they cock-stared you down hard enough, you won't be able to rise up again. I so want to show this people that they're just not all that. And I don't know why I always work on negative vibes, such as nervous energy, wanting to prove others wrong, and wanting to make them swallow their own words. So let me rephrase that, I hate kiasu people, and I hate people who belittle other people. What happen to late bloomers and silent killers? I don't understand why they won't help and insist on lying. Urgh! I miss having Kuan and Angeline in class with me. Classes are so lonely without them, I still have friends, but they aren't as reliable and trustworthy as Kuan and Angeline. Am looking forward to next semester when they'll hopefully come back. I know that being a professional, your coursemates never last, but I believe in the case of Kuan and Angeline, we'll always be in touch. Because what one lacks, someone will compensate.

By the way, my audit lecturer is resigning. He was supposed to be the lecturer for P3 next semester, but now they've left it to Menon's brother (whom I heard, thank God, is nothing like her). But that would mean that there will be sibling rivalry again! Even Mr. Marcus couldn't steal time from Menon, so now I'm wondering how Dinesh is going to do the same from his much more dominant and loud sister. Funny, how I never liked my audit lecturer, but I do admire his brains, and the way he deciphers information. Makes it so much easier to swallow. At the same time, I don't like how he manages time and his favouritism. I guess everything has its pros and cons.

I don't even know what I'm doing blogging at this state. I'm supposed to be studying. I have to cover law, audit and corporate governance. I don't want to be over-confident this round. I want to do well, to keep my second class upper grade.

Here's to the future...Cheers!


By the way, today, or rather a few hours ago, someone turned a ripe 22.

Happy birthday boo...

will make it up to you with Mango Cheesecake when you come back..

I am Jane, paranoid!!!

Today, while I was rewarding myself with a short (but turned out to be long) afternoon nap, I felt this stupid mosquito fly around me, making their irritating sound. And being a person who DOES NOT kill mosquitoes or flies, or any other things, I decided to live and let live. Later on, when I was fully awake, I saw the same bloody mosquito again (because the mosquito population up here is not big, therefore the possibility of that mosquito being the same one that bit me is very likely), now all bloody fat and jolly flying around me. Apparently the greedy PIG mosquito decided that it didn't get enough and came back for seconds, maybe thirds or fourths! A closer look gave me a full view of its STRIPED BODY and STRIPED LEGS. And that's when the paranoia settled in. Apparently these creatures DO NOT deserve to live. Because they turn around and bite you everywhere! You won't believe what I did to kill it. I had to crawl under the bed, jump on my bed when it was resting on the ceiling, climb on the table when it flew near the aircond, and finally, I decided to use myself as bait, which worked. And now the stupid mosquito is resting in pieces on my desk, for close inspection. I google-imaged "aedes" to confirm my 'catch' and now I'm freaking out because by the time the incubation period and everything is over, I would be sitting for my exams!! :s some one please help, how do I kill the virus before it spreads? Why do stupid things like this happen to me?? ARRGHHH... I wonder if it has been slowly feeding on me before this, because for the past few days I've been having headaches and muscle aches..Shit!! This cannot be happening to me! Stupid bloody mosquito. You had better not bred in my room. I blame my housemates. They freaking don't know how to keep the place clean. My roommate is just as irritated. I hope the flies and cockroaches go over there, and not here.