I am Jane's new level of low

It's been so long since I've had a self-actualizing moment.

I miss them.

Days when I finally see through the whole layer of dust after digging deep into the unknown.

Days when things weren't exactly alright, but it made sense.

I know I have a lot to write down,

but I really can't get it out in words.

The emotions,

the feelings,

the pain,

the doubt.

Sorry I missed out week two, three and I suppose, four.

As you can tell, it has been hell for me.

Worst of all,

I have no emotional support now whatsoever.

Just pieces of strings dangling around.

Every one I pull risks not being a secure one.

Heck, to find one that's firmly tied is next to impossible now.

All I can say is I'm not at peace with myself.

As Ezra says, I have no direction.

I kind of lost it when I achieved the first one.

Nothing got me as motivated.

Now everybody tells me that I know what I want,

I know where I want to be,

It's just at the back of my head.

But the thing is,

even I can't bring it out!

Even my blog sucks now..

I used to have depth.

So much that I didn't need width..

Now, all I have is shallowness and emptiness.

Basically..

I suck..