Tuesday, September 21, 2010

I am Jane's new level of low

It's been so long since I've had a self-actualizing moment.
I miss them.
Days when I finally see through the whole layer of dust after digging deep into the unknown.
Days when things weren't exactly alright, but it made sense.
I know I have a lot to write down,
but I really can't get it out in words.
The emotions,
the feelings,
the pain,
the doubt.

Sorry I missed out week two, three and I suppose, four.
As you can tell, it has been hell for me.
Worst of all,
I have no emotional support now whatsoever.
Just pieces of strings dangling around.
Every one I pull risks not being a secure one.
Heck, to find one that's firmly tied is next to impossible now.

All I can say is I'm not at peace with myself.
As Ezra says, I have no direction.
I kind of lost it when I achieved the first one.
Nothing got me as motivated.
Now everybody tells me that I know what I want,
I know where I want to be,
It's just at the back of my head.
But the thing is,
even I can't bring it out!

Even my blog sucks now..
I used to have depth.
So much that I didn't need width..
Now, all I have is shallowness and emptiness.
Basically..
I suck..

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