I am Jane Learning

I have no idea what drove me into this state of depression, but I know for sure that I don't want to continue being depressed. I dread waking up, and I wished that there were more hours in a day for me to sleep, but life goes on, regardless of whether or not I want to go on. Time is running out for me. I never had much of it to begin with, but the work load keeps piling up. And so, if no one will help me, I have to help myself. If no one will understand me, I must understand myself. And if I can't, I shall just pretend that I do.

Strange enough, I felt kind of relieved the past two days that I've been moaning and groaning about how unfair everything is. It's as if complaining about life makes me happy. Well, at least I know I wasn't lying to myself, pretending that everything was okay, and perhaps that's why I felt relieved. Who said being sad was sad? Being sad kind of made me a little bit...relieved? Why bother pretending that everything is okay when it's so obviously not?

And since now I'm in the gutter, and no one is offering a lending hand (rather, they're all just turning around and pretending not to see), I shall pick myself up. Even if it's a monsoon drain, I will climb up. I refuse to let myself be a victim of other people's flaws. To hell with all the stereotypical motivational talks! They're only teaching you to lie to yourself, and that is never healthy. I should know. And so, I will take control of my life. I will be my own master, I will not bow down anymore, and I will rise to wherever I'm supposed to be. I know I'm supposed to be somebody, I just haven't figured out who.