Oh, I'd hate to be my own beau. My mood swings are horrible, I know! But what's a girl got to do about it? I think I secretly enjoy having mood swings, although I really don't have the luxury of doing so (seeing that I am insignificant to most people, I hate that! But I've learnt to live with it). Oh, I'll leave that whiny story for another day (it involves some kiasu bitches and bastards from my class).
But on a serious note, what does go into the making of a successful woman?
Her stone-cold heartedness?
Her cut-throat bitchiness?
Her ability to manipulate people?
Her ability to maintain two faces (something I really suck at. If I don't like you, I make sure you know it. But I ain't fucking retarded and low enough to smile at you when I need something, I avoid you at all cost)?
Her ability to flash a smile and have people swoon at her feet waiting to take orders?
Her slutiness and ability to sleep all the way to the top?
Her selective hearing?
Her ability at shoe polishing?
WHAT?
It's killing me. If you have the answer, please share with me. I want to be successful, but the more I want it, the more I see myself as a cut-throat bitch. I will never succumb to sleeping my way to the top, NEVER. But bitchiness? I learnt that a long time ago. I thank you and everyone else for it. Yea, I'm being a bitch about it, bite me. So what does it take to be a successful woman? Saint Teresa, or successful corporate bitch? It seems impossible to incorporate the two into one. And I, for one, am a strong protestor against hypocracy.
Hey bitch (no one here in particular, just that one person I had to force a smile out to today), I may be emotional and irritated by your tiny stupid antics, but know that at least I'm the better person.
So yes, after a very horrible and dreadful day in class (I kept myself as far away as possible from these bitches and bastards, but no, they wouldn't leave me alone), I came home feeling like crap (heck I know I shouldn't let them make me feel that way, but I think at least I know how to FEEL, unlike them who smile and go "hello, darling, muah muah, how have you been? I was just at the Park Royal sipping tea with the minister and his wife. Oh, what a wonderful afternoon it was." *shudders..). Nikki, my niece was online, and for the first time, we spoke over facebook, she of course, asking me how I was and everything. Now THAT's a woman who knows how to twirl you around your finger. And me being me, I vented out 10 hours worth of frustration, although it didn't feel very well because she doesn't know me personally. Well, I did go downstairs to vent at Sasha who wasn't home, so Bhavini was next in line.
People always comfort me, saying that the only reason why they're doing this is because they're jealous of my achievements. I know that, but can't there be any other reasons? I mean, yes, I think I have tried that over and over again in my head, "I'm younger, I don't work as hard, but at least I have a life. I have friends who love me (maybe..I hope so..shut up, I'm not over it yet)". I know for a fact that I can lie to myself very well. So well that sometimes reality slips pass me. I am a fantasy girl. I live in my own world where it's cozier and less hostile. I live in bliss there in a white dress with a headdress of flowers running through the fields of daisies when I feel it, and sitting on the window parlour, sipping a hot cup of coffee staring out into a winter wonderland on other days (how wonderful, I get to wake up to a different season everyday depending on my mood). not very Asian, but I do get my fantasies from books. Oh, what a gift imagination is. At least I don't need to get high to imagine. How I wish..Oh, how I wish I can be transported to my dreamland forever and ever. Some how, Bhavini and Amrita seem like my soul mates, if only time would permit us to get to know one another better. I mean, these people are like the very extremes of me, impulsive, coffee-lovers, we study, but we know when to take a break, procrastinators, temperamental, mood swingers, did I mention OCD-ists, perfectionists and CONTROL FREAKS? lolz!! We just know what we want, is that wrong?
Anyway, I fell alseep watching another very disturbing episode of SouthPark, with the earphones still plugged in, and so I had this very horrible dream, what with the on-going Perak political situation going on. Urgh, I just hope it will NEVER happen. Someone actually had to set himself on fire before he was allowed to leave the state assembly hall!
But I woke up, (still feeling shitty), came across a really great song by Mariah Carrey (I don't know why, I've always liked her songs, but I've never considered any of them my favourites) and it just reminded me of how great it feels to be loved (do you still love me, beau? after all the frustration I caused (and am still causing) you? Art is a big part of my life, see how it takes me from one mood to another. Now tell me, am I in the wrong course? Good night people. Tomorrow is the last of my revision classes and the end of this hell of a semester. I will be going on a hiatus for about less than a month, see you when I feel like it. I'm feeling extremely lazy, something I can't afford to do. Wish me luck! Lots of love, since I'm feeling like it.
Mood: Swings from time to time, but currently in L.O.V.E., probably an illusion due to the song that's stuck in my head, but nevertheless, still in dreaming :p
Good night
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment