It's not like i forgot on purpose, it's just that i didn't know where i wrote it down. It's been 20 days since the anniversary of my most beloved and favourite uncle's death. To think I took at least 2 years to get over it. Come to think of it, I've been living in denial for a very long time, to the extent of not wanting to remember the date of his death. Nobody knows how much I really miss him. They all thought we weren't close. Heck, even I thought we weren't close. But as they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Problem is, when will I get to see him again? I guess it's too late for that. Or maybe it's just the fact that I'll never see him again as long as I live which got to me. Either one, I remember his funeral as if it was just yesterday. The sight of my auntie pouring her eyes out. In a way I can relate to her feeling of loss of a loved one. But who can thoroughly understand the feeling of a newly widowed woman? The person who vowed to spend his entire life with you has fulfilled his part of the promise, till death do they part. I'm not saying I understand how she feels, but I can relate to it. Although maybe, just maybe I'm still very naive about that feeling. Because it seems that she has gotten over it. But whether or not she really has, only she will know. Life goes on, people will meet new people, and then who knows what will happen right? But can someone new actually take the place of the person who's been so dear to your heart for such a long time? The person whom you've been one with for almost half your life? Or will he just be another chapter in your life, just someone else to spend the rest of your days with. Or just a temporary fix? I don't know, but to me, nobody will every replace him. Come to think of it, as I'm writing this, I haven't really gotten over the fact he's now gone. You know I never knew I was close to him till after he was gone and my aunt told me how much he loved me. Only me. Nobody else. Only then did I know what I've been missing out all my life.
It really is sad isn't it? I really don't know if I'll ever get over it, part of me doesn't want to, because I never want to forget him and how I missed out on all the opportunities I had to spend time with him. Let it serve as a reminder to me to cherish those around me. Those who are permanently in my life since birth, those I'm bonded to with no choice, those brought into my life by destiny, those who come and go, and those whom I really wish will stay forever. We never know what we've got till it's gone right? To deceased leave this world, some with a wary heart, some with relieve, only to live the living here, some to cherish the memories, some to moan the loss. It really depends on how you look at it right?
In memory of Tay Hock Chee,
Devoted follower
Path setter
Humble role model
Faithful husband
Loving father
Understanding uncle
Forgiving brother
Filial son
To think I only have this photo to remember him. That's me in his arms. So guess how old this photo is.
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