I am Jane's Nearing Future

You know how you always hear people saying cheesy slogans like "The Future is NOW!" and stuff like that? Well, I'm guessing that they don't really know the meaning of it. But I do!

I have always been very enthusiastic when it comes to doing anything that will bring me closer to my future, i.e. escaping from mum. That being with an exception to studying real hard. It's not like I don't study at all, it's just that I don't study as hard as I'm supposed to. I know for a fact that if I really pay attention and really put in the hours, I can do much better than I am doing. Needless to say, I think I value life a little too much to spend it all on books. But then again, I don't really have a social life right now, safe for the little outings here and there. In fact, I myself, have insistently and purposely secluded myself and shunt out the world just so I won't have an excuse to stay out late on useless 'yumcha' sessions, with my heart beating fast because I know I should be home studying for a test in a few days time.

Let me get this straight. I HATE 'YUMCHA' sessions, and I even hate the term 'YUMCHA'. Why? Because it sounds so boring and lame. Not only that, I believe it's something that only old men do. BALDING OLD MEN, whose kids have left the nest, and who refuses to go back to a NAGGY MENOPAUSAL OLD LADY, who can't get enough, or rather who's not getting 'any', who gossip more than the women at the hair saloon, who wear those plain white shirts which fit so tightly to show their bellies, and whose pants are worn either too high right up to their diaphragms or too low because they couldn't get enough cloth to cover their big bellies. And so, I do not understand why youth today, who have much better things to do, have decided that they too, want to be like this old men who sit in the coffee shop with a single glass of kopi-o in those crack-filled, off-white cup-and-saucers shaking their legs, waiting for the first drop of rain to fall. I don't have anything against old men, I just think that 'yumcha' is a waste of time.

However, that being said, I don't really mind the term 'lepak'. In fact, I like 'lepak-ing'. Perhaps it's because 'lepak' involves other things BESIDES sitting down and drinking ais kosong at the mamak (seriously, I know people who do such things*hint: his name starts with G). It's not like I have to be on my feet all the time, walking here and there, I do enjoy sitting down at Starbucks (No, I'm not implying I'm highclass, it's just that I've so happened to ONLY lepak there), Hartamas Square, Republic, or wherever... (just not in a mamak, because I hate the smell of unclean floors, and I SUPER HATE looking at what they do with food). But at least, besides sitting down, 'lepak-ing' also involves walking around aimlessly, playing snooker, throwing your friends into the pool, and the likes. Now, how on earth are you supposed to do that, when you only limit your 'yumcha' to drinking tea?

I don't even know why I went there. Nevertheless, this semester has gone by pretty quickly, and I'm getting quite used to this lifestyle. In fact, I believe this has been quite a smooth sailing journey, despite my having being admitted into the hospital, ear bleeding, and stuff like that. I guess I'm growing up. I feel more composed, not all over the place. It's like I've managed to pick up the bits and pieces and hold them still. Let's just hope it stays this way. I wouldn't mind! I know it's a little bit boring, but dullness is easier to fix than heart break. I've even come to the point where I've succeeded in ridding myself of un-answerable questions such as "Why not?", "I wonder why", "Maybe", and "Was it a lie?". Because I feel that it's not worth it.

Nevertheless, in a blink of an eye, I'm finally where I envisioned myself to be almost two years ago. It might have taken me longer to reach here, but at least I'm here. I'm just praying hard I'll be allowed to stay HERE and not be force to step back. But now that the future is so near, I'm a bit apprehensive about what to do. I've always worked for it, but now that it's mine to grab, I just don't know what to do!

For example, the thesis project for my degree will be starting the minute I finish my exams. Being the typical me, I lunged right into it without any second-guessing! It has always been my policy to strike while the iron is hot because I don't want to miss out on anything (past experience has taught me that). However, that policy has its shortcomings. Like, not being able to get the best deal, and sometimes regret follows suit. Whatever it is, I'm sure I was the first person to enquire about the project, and obviously pay for it. Once you pay for it, that's when everything is final. I even looked up the lecturer to tell him that I want to start the project earlier than the rest. I guess it's justifiable since he is the only good lecturer left whom I know of and is approachable since the other lecturers have left or are not mentoring anymore. And I just looked up the topics of which I must choose from:

1. An organisation’s budgetary control system and its links with performance management and decision making
2. How the introduction of a new technology can assist an organisation in achieving its business objectives
3. The impact of an aspect of impending legislation on the operations and financial position of an organisation
4. The impact of e-business on an organisation
5. The effects of globalisation on an organisation
6. The key factors or indicators in the motivation of employees in an organisation
7. The restructuring of an organisation’s operational activities and the effect on the organisation’s financial performance
8. The business and financial performance of an organisation over a three year period
9. The planning and implementation of an information system in an organisation
10. The effectiveness of the use of costing techniques within an organisation
11. The financial and operational costs and benefits of the internal audit / internal review activities within an organisation
12. The possible effects of a proposed accounting standard on the financial statements and business activities of an organisation
13. The relationship between an organisation’s human resources activities and its business objectives
14. The business and financial objectives of a strategic investment decision made by an organisation and its impact on key stakeholders
15. The management of an organisation’s working capital over a three year period and its impact on the organisation’s funding strategies
16. The financial and operational risk management within an organisation
17. The quality of the corporate governance within an organisation and the impact on an organisation’s key stakeholders
18. The marketing strategy of an organisation and its effectiveness
19. The financial and operational consequences of a merger between two organisations or of the acquisition of one organisation by another
20. An organisation's corporate social responsibility policies, including business ethics, and their impact on business practice and key stakeholders.

(http://www.accaglobal.com/students/study_exams/qualifications/degree/RAP/topic_areas)

Honestly, I have no idea what half of them are talking about, and am just guessing the other half. I hate project like these where I have to CHOOSE!! Why can't they just give us an ultimatum; this, or that. Not, A, B, C up to Z! I'm thoroughly confused as to which one to pick. I know I'll definitely do something about costing and management accounting, but WHICH ONE??? I hate the fact that I'm over ambitious, I always want to do this, that and everything under the sun, but with time constraint (thank God for such a thing), and procrastination, I never achieve what I plan to do, only part of it. And being a perfectionist, I always go too in depth, hence not covering enough grounds. I just know that I won't finish this in time. I'll start digging for information, and at first, it will look as if I don't have anything to talk about at all. And then I will procrastinate, and when the time constraint suddenly hits me, that's when the bottleneck will come in. Suddenly, everything will look relevant, and all the relevant things will have more things relevant to them, and those things will have an even deeper and wider scope to cover, and all of a sudden, I'm talking about a totally different thing, and then perhaps, I'll consider changing my topic. How on earth do I overcome this? I just hope the P1 exam wont be like this.

Other than that, I don't know how many papers to do next semester. Can you imagine that??? I have a remaining total of 4 papers to do (that is, if I clear all the papers this semester), and the dilemma consists of:

• taking 2 papers for 2 semesters, which means that I will have to stay here up to December 2009, which means that my mum will have to fork out almost RM4000 extra (which I know she doesn't mind, but will remind me about it for the rest of my life) compared to the other options.
  
• taking 3 papers next semester, and in my final semester, start working full time, as well as take my last paper part time, with a basic salary of RM2600 (today's current market rate offered by BDO Binder), which would add to my PER requirement to become an ACCA member. However, one of the papers that I MUST do next semester is called P2 Corporate Recording, which means that Menon is back in my life. I love how she teaches, because I don't have to go back and study after that. But I don't like her attitude. We're students! Not crap! I was lucky enough to have a calmer Menon during my F7, but apparently the dropping passing rates are driving her up the wall again, let's just see what happens next semester, maybe I'll be lucky again. By the way, this woman gives 12 hours of lectures a week, which means that if I'm going to be taking 3 papers, I'm going to be killing myself with almost every day of class, again! And after what I've gone through this semester, with only a three-day-week, i really don't feel like stressing up myself like that. I find it so much easier to breathe with the space I'm having now.
  
• taking 3 papers next semester, and then one in my final, but working towards a World Prize. Maybe this is far-fetched, but something tells me I have what it takes. It's just that I don't have enough time. And so, perhaps concentrating on one paper will definitely ensure that I will get a World Prize, and of course, a better job opportunity. Perhaps I'll go freelancing around. I'm already freelancing and the money is good, although I know it can be better. So maybe I will be able to convince her to let me stay outside and get me a car. I will, anyway, be paying for it, and I will have to use it once I start working.
  

In conclusion, I don't know when to graduate.

I need to do a cost-benefit analysis. That's the accountant speaking, by the way. I love costing. I don't know why I didn't think of CIMA in the first place, which leads to my next confusion, to CIMA or not to CIMA, that is the question. I know I definitely don't want to stop here. I know I want to get a PHd, and I know I love costing, but do I really want to put myself through all the pain of exams once I'm done with ACCA, just to get another professional certificate? I know people like Peter will tell me that I don't need it, but I want it! And that's why I don't know what to do. Need and want are two different things. But what if CIMA will give me a better, happier, more self-satisfactory job and life? And what if it doesn't? Also, I will have to pay for not one, but TWO freaking expensive professional fees in FOREIGN CURRENCY. And not just any foreign currency, but in POUNDS!! Which is almost 7 times our own currency on normal days, and close to 6 during recession, which is still freaking EXPENSIVE. By the way, our DPM thinks that we MALAYsians have a very high saving rate. Yes, we save more than Americans, ON AVERAGE, but please go to the shopping malls, and see the way *ahem certain people spend money (I'm not talking about myself). It's as if there is no tomorrow! It's as if money is going out of fashion and they need two freaking bright red sofas from Ikea, when they can get 5 for the same price at their beloved Court's Mammoth, which is ironically situated near Ikea.

I don't even know why I'm blogging. Probably too stressed up. I've attended Mr. Goh's class religiously, although I missed the morning part of today's because the medicine made me so drowsy. I fell really sick two days ago, and yesterday, Auntie talked Sunil (I'm guessing it wasn't his own initiative since I'm not Calista) into drag me to the clinic. It was kind of weird because it seems like we've ran out of things to talk about. Maybe we're growing out of each other. I don't know. I don't have time to think about that. I've now developed a "whatever shall be, shall be policy" when it comes to friendship. I really can't be bothered about people who can't be bothered anymore. Because I've learnt to live with what I have and make the best out of it.

Anyway, I went to class in the afternoon, and I must say, I hate hardworking people. I hate people who think that they are better/ smarter than you are. I hate people who look down upon you. It's as if, if they cock-stared you down hard enough, you won't be able to rise up again. I so want to show this people that they're just not all that. And I don't know why I always work on negative vibes, such as nervous energy, wanting to prove others wrong, and wanting to make them swallow their own words. So let me rephrase that, I hate kiasu people, and I hate people who belittle other people. What happen to late bloomers and silent killers? I don't understand why they won't help and insist on lying. Urgh! I miss having Kuan and Angeline in class with me. Classes are so lonely without them, I still have friends, but they aren't as reliable and trustworthy as Kuan and Angeline. Am looking forward to next semester when they'll hopefully come back. I know that being a professional, your coursemates never last, but I believe in the case of Kuan and Angeline, we'll always be in touch. Because what one lacks, someone will compensate.

By the way, my audit lecturer is resigning. He was supposed to be the lecturer for P3 next semester, but now they've left it to Menon's brother (whom I heard, thank God, is nothing like her). But that would mean that there will be sibling rivalry again! Even Mr. Marcus couldn't steal time from Menon, so now I'm wondering how Dinesh is going to do the same from his much more dominant and loud sister. Funny, how I never liked my audit lecturer, but I do admire his brains, and the way he deciphers information. Makes it so much easier to swallow. At the same time, I don't like how he manages time and his favouritism. I guess everything has its pros and cons.

I don't even know what I'm doing blogging at this state. I'm supposed to be studying. I have to cover law, audit and corporate governance. I don't want to be over-confident this round. I want to do well, to keep my second class upper grade.

Here's to the future...Cheers!


By the way, today, or rather a few hours ago, someone turned a ripe 22.

Happy birthday boo...

will make it up to you with Mango Cheesecake when you come back..