I am Jane in the clouds

I have no idea what has gone into me. Some may call it resting on my laurels, some may call it just taking a break. I call it flying among the clouds, running across a vast field of daisies with the wind in my hair and finally just collapsing. No, I am not high. Maybe I am, on the fact that I'm actually doing what I want, when I please. But deep down inside, I know this 'nonsense' (makes perfect sense to me, though) has to stop. Soon. Or I'm going to be stuck at the same place. Again. For one, it is that same subject again, with the same lecturer.

Apart from the occasional unavoidable expected ups and downs, life's been pretty calm. Just the way I like it. I can actually breathe now. And sigh in relief! I just hope I don't jinx it.

There's only one thing left to do, before I continue on with my life: FINISH MY OBU! Which I haven't gotten down to even start yet. The whole problem lies with my being a perfectionist, especially when it comes to stuff like this: WRITING. I don't start writing until this great big idea hits me. And that great big idea always only hits when I'm under stress. So I think I need a little bit of self-inflicted stress, just enough to give me the boost. My mum's right, I live on nervous energy. Still am. But it does me good.

Speaking of which, the mum has been pretty silent. Apart from her random boredom, and lack of communication (I think it has to do with my dad not paying attention to what she says and my brother being far away from home). And so, I'm at PEACE. I like it this way. Perhaps, MAYBE, just MAYBE she has learnt that her little girl is growing up and needs her space. PERHAPS, just maybe she has learnt to give the girl her space. And if that day comes, you can bet you'll see me running across a field of daisies!! I don't hate her, I just can't see eye to eye with her. And she only makes me angry when she interferes (or makes me bear the consequence of her own stupidity). Other than that, I'm perfectly fine with her existence.

There are days when I wake up, and see other people going to college. There are days when I wonder whether these people are going to college to study something they like, or just because they have to. There are other days when I see people studying hard, and wonder what their lives must be like, for them to be so motivated. And all these days are days when I feel at peace with myself. Days when I take the backseat, and look at the world as an outsider. And I sure love those days.

I had this lecturer, Mr John, whom everyone thought was a hottie (I did too at one point, but then he cut his hair. And then *poof!! he just wasn't hot anymore). He's the vocalist of Silent Scream. But of course, he completed his ACCA before becoming a rock star. And I wonder, when will it be my turn to chase after the rainbow of my choice?

Oh, lookie! It's 6.30 am, meaning that I've spent half of the time sleeping, and reading novels (Cecilia Ahern is ADDICTIVE!! I need more!!). I better squeeze some OBU in before my energy level drops and I fall asleep without even knowing I did. I'm in such a good mood, I might even start writing that novel I've always dreamed would become a best seller. Oh, happy days.. (please stay!! I do enjoy you very much..)