I am Jane after yesterday

A normal person would feel better after a good night's sleep.

A normal person would feel less angry after 12 hours.

A normal person would forgive.

A normal person would possibly forget.

A normal person would look back on the past.

and think "Maybe I'm too harsh".

A normal person would take it out on something else.

Based on the above premises,

I am an abnormal person.

After yesterday,

I still feel as angry as I was,

as hurt as I did,

as betrayed as I think.

After a good night's sleep,

I still haven't forgiven,

and I definitely haven't forgotten.

After talking it out with someone who has proven herself to be a better friend.

After going shopping and after a movie with the said person above.

After her trying to make me see that I am in no wrong.

After our random phone call to our "divine" master, Mr. E of whom is known to ask such random questions,

After his very insightful opinion.

I think I know what to do.

But saying and thinking is easier than doing.

And he is just making it worse.

I hate you right now.

From the bottom of the heart.

I am to blame for having relied on you for so much.

I will let no one else in ever.

I thought that boys will come and go,

but you would stay.

But you proved that you too,

are a boy.

For all the wrong reasons.

And boys are just icky.

Even your good friend TJ could sense that I was angry with you after 3 minutes of conversation.

I can't believe I looked up to you.

I can't believe I thought so much of you.

My eyes are opened now.

You are an immature fool just like any boy.

You are an idiot who thinks highly of himself.

You are so stupid to think that I will never know.

You made me.

And I'm sad to tell you that I am now better.

I don't sit.

I'm not stagnant.

I have this forever moving mechanism in me

that wants to do more,

do better,

be more,

be better,

all that is within my own power.

That's because I analyze myself.

I don't look to other people to analyze me.

You are the scientist who injected the catalyst.

I am the substance that has mutated and grown to be self contained.

And now I must part.

This wound will take forever to heal, if not never.