I am Jane Nearing The End

This is it.

This is good bye.

This is the end.

Or at least I hope so.

Given the things that have happened recently,

I'm really praying that it is.

Some of these people I might never see again,

some of these people I really want to meet again sometime later in life,

some of these people I want to keep in touch with,

and some of these people, I never want to see again.

I'm tired.

I'm tired of being the good person.

I'm tired of always having to think ahead.

I'm tired of having to accommodate,

I'm tired of having to put someone else's feeling before my own.

And it hurts to know that the gestures are not appreciated,

let alone reciprocated.

Dear God,

I'm tired.
I've never given up even though I say I would,

I've never given up hope that there would be better things to come.

I've never given up hope that if I put in a little bit more effort,

and wait a little bit longer,

then everything would be alright.

And even if things weren't alright,

I still never gave up.

I fell many times,

but I picked myself up right after.

I'm not saying that I deserve an award,

or that I should be made a Saint.

I'm just asking that you give me,

time to recuperate,

time to sort myself out,

time to figure out my issues,

time to grow and mature,

so that I may prepare myself for the things to come.

I won't give up.

All I ask is for the courage to face them,

the strength to endure them,

and the wisdom to learn from them.

I may not be pious,

I may not be the best person out there,

but I like how our relationship is, for now.

I have flaws,

I have bad qualities,

but I'm willing to learn.

I may not like everyone who has come into my life,

but each and everyone has taught me something.

I hope I'll have the right judgement to separate,

those I want to keep for life,

from those I need to stay away from.

Four years ago,

the night my mum left me to fend for myself,

I learnt the meaning of being homesick.

Four years later,

the night before I leave (and hopefully never come back),

I learn what "Home is Where the Heart Is" means.

Four years ago,

someone came into my life,

made me realise things I never knew existed,

gave me an experience of what true friendship is.

Four years later,

on the night before I leave,

I learn the hardest lesson,

that nothing is forever,

not the boys who come and go,

not even the friends who promise to stay.

I think this is good bye.

I hope this is good bye.

God, I pray,

I want nothing more than this,

Let me pass all my papers this February 2010,

And fly me away on the winds of change.

Good bye Zen,

Good bye Zephyr,

Good bye bastard of a security guard,

Good bye male chauvinist pig Lagoon View hostel warden,

Good bye comfortable bed that has rested my body and soul for four months,

Good bye my beloved soulmate kaiser whom I might never see again,

Good bye back-stabbers,

Good bye bitches,

Good bye late night excursions,

Good bye sofa which I have placed outside my window,

Good bye view from 24th floor,

Good bye fluffy clouds,

Good bye Shisha and "I've never" games,

Good bye Bhavini,

Good bye Amrita,

Good bye Shabnam,

Good bye Sasha,

Good bye great memories.....