I am Jane and it hurts to be Jane

I haven't felt so upset for the past three years.

I never felt as if I couldn't talk to anyone.

I want to know why you haunt me.

I want to know why I let you.

I want to know how I can end this.

It's because you were there for me,

even when you eventually weren't there for me,

I deluded myself into believing that you were.

Your mum didn't make it any easier,

but there is only so much a rug can cover.

As the dust accumulates under the rug,

it will slowly show

like a pregnant belly awaiting child birth.

I can't blame you.

I can only blame myself.

I don't know since when was it wrong to voice out your thoughts.

I don't know when it started being wrong to show your feelings.

I don't know why is it wrong to feel upset when someone has upset you.

I don't understand why is it that we shouldn't be bitter when we have been wrong.

I am not blind.

I am not stupid.

I just don't understand why I'm not allowed to feel how I feel.

It just means that being me,

is every fibre wrong.

I'm being bitter

and what's wrong with being bitter please tell me

is a person not allowed to feel upset when she is upset?

why does one have to be scolded for being upset?

when someone makes you upset do you not have the right to be upset?

I hate that I let you hurt me so much.

I hate that I'm even hurt.

I hate that I'm allowing you to upset me so much.

I want to be a cold hearted bitch.

And I never want to care about you again.