I am Jane, not dead

No, I'm not dead, and I've not been that busy so as NOT to have time to blog, just very distracted...VERY...

I need to snap out of it. I've given myself the time to hope and dream and DREAM... because I knew it never would be and I'd snap out of it, but now it's time to wake up and chase the bigger more realistic dream. A very pressuring one I'd say. I don't even know why I call it a dream when I don't really desire it. Sometimes I'm so scared of what I will become, not because I don't know my future, but because I know I'm doing something I don't like. I'm just scared I won't be happy. I already learnt that money doesn't make you happy, it's just the financial independence that makes you happy. What if I want other things in life? I don't ever want to wake up and say "Oh, no, I can't do that, it's way past my time". I want to be forever young. Sigh...

Beau is still away, and I'm starting to get BORED. The last time he was away this long, I started rocking the boat. And until today, he still isn't satisfied with me. To me, it was just a small matter, probably because I was selfish, I didn't think of the consequences, but sometimes, it's fun to live life like that, just do what you want to without thinking; be spontaneous! We all know how much I hate routine..

I want to go to Genting this Monday, but because the IDIOT (he's going to kill me when he sees this, but you know you're MY idiot right?) couldn't inform me earlier, now all the rooms are booked online, and if they don't have anymore when I call, I'm going to be very mad at someone.


p/s: Been procrastinating a lot recently, I blame House. I'm so hooked on it that I watch episode after episode NON-STOP! The habit has to stop, it's affecting my work, and that's not good. My sleeping pattern is totally screwed up. I'm drifting in and out like crazy, and I'm eating like a mad person!! I need to have self control...help!!