I am Jane's new leaf

I've been going to gym consistently.

Well, I try.

And I think I did put in a lot of determination.

The only reasons why I didn't go was because

I went home,

I wasn't in Sunway,

I had other things to do.

I even went the day before my exam!

When Sunil was going to gym in 2006, he constantly nagged me about how great exercise is (note: not how important, okay?).

How it makes you feel good,

How it works as a stress buster,

How it just works and shit.

I never listened.

I never liked exercising.

I HATED exercising.

Some how, to me, exercising = running

Running = something I can't do = I'll just get asthma and die there

Even when I was going to True Fitness I didn't feel like this.

But I have to say that going to True Fitness is part of the reason why I like gym now.

I slowly developed a routine,

And slowly pushed the self-consciousness out of my head (although it is definitely still there)

only to replace it with will-power, determination and the need to improve.

It used to be "I have to do this because it's good for me"

And then it became "I have to do this because I want to look and feel good"

And now, it's "I just have to do this because it makes me feel so much better overall"

Yes, I have a new goal in life.

I don't only want to look good,

I want to feel good as well.

I know I've been talking about this for a gazillion years and never achieved any results and starting to sound like a pro-ana failure, but I think this is it.

I used to think that I lost a lot of weight last time because I just didn't eat and slept through the whole day,

but then I started to realise that I DID exercise.

I played a lot of tennis.

Heck, I wasn't really good at it, but I really did enjoy it.

I used to skip school and call in sick,

but I'd still go for tennis in the evenings.

Worse still, in order to reach the tennis court by foot,

I have to cross the house of my then-discipline teacher who'd always be sitting outside watching over her son.

I don't need a supermodel body, I just want to be comfortable looking at myself in the mirror.

Don't diss me.

I know I sound damn shallow saying all that,

but I know how it feels to be both sizes.

It does affect your self-confidence and in turn, every other aspect of your life.

So here's to a new dawn.

When I was in Form 2, I used to weigh 60 kg,

I started losing weight after PMR.

At one point, my weight dropped to 35 kg.

That was the lowest I went.

And then everything went erm...

'Downhill' since then.

Mid July, I weighed in at 70 kg.

Today, I weigh 68 kg.

I'm literally two of 'me'

My goal is 40kg.

I don't know how long it's going to take,

but I definitely know this is it.

I just have to put in more effort,

Once I have the momentum,

and once I start seeing results,

the rest will be easy-peasy..

Oh, wait. I forgot one minor detail.

I have to work on time management.
All this gym thing is also making me feel very productive.

And I do need to put this productivity to great use.

Wish me luck!

On a side note, my best friend's coming back soon!! =D