I am Jane, and I lack discipline

Heck, I just finished my articles.

I am so behind time.

Mum came today.

I am now allowed to go overseas by myself (not that I couldn't have seeing that I have regained possession of my own passport),

I want to go to Hong Kong Disneyland for Christmas.

Anyone wants to come with?

I'm really going offline for the next two weeks plus.

I can't.

I'm horrible.

I know.

Life's not the bitch.

I am!

On another note, I think I am a horrible friend.

A friend who over-analyzes relationships

Who gets jealous easily

and who is over possessive.

And on another random note,

ever wondered why our parents used to whack the shit out of us?

They didn't really have to,

but you know,

things like "If you do that one more time I will cane you!!"

it doesn't really hurt.

not flesh-wise.

maybe it hurt,

but it wasn't some kind of unbearable pain like going to the doctor for a jab!

why the hell were we afraid of them?

and you know,

it's so damaging.

the next time they scream "I'll WHACK you!"

or even just whip the sofa,

you'd go running for your lives.

Urgh!

How we've been mind-slaved.

And then we grow up and learn to be ashamed

and learn about public humiliation

But all it is is "positive comments, feedbacks and criticism",

not reprimands.

We get yelled at, and then we start crying, or our face expression changes, or we get angry.

Why can't we treat it as a normal conversation?

It's not like one has any more right to speak than the other.

This world is so full of shit with its hierarchies and self-confidence levels.

And guess where it all stems from;

That's right.

Our childhood.

Shouldn't there be a new way of parenting already?

I can't remember the name of that famous psychologist who had the same believe,

Unfortunately, his son died..

Which made his theory a mockery.

I don't think so.

I think that's an entirely different story all together.

And then there's this thing about being over weight.

Just today, I was at GJ with my favourite people.

And in comes an old friend who nonchalantly comes up to me and goes

"Hey, how come so fat already? What did you eat?"

Weird question which I didn't know how to answer

(possible answer could have been, I drank a gallon of oil, but I doubt she'd get my sarcasm)

My favourite people SNARED at her!

The thought of such a comment almost made them puke their guts out

Now you know why they're my favourite people =D

Not that I don't need the motivation to NOT be fat..heheh

Last but not least

Before that I must put in a disclaimer right now

MY LIFE DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND ALCOHOL
okay.

My lecturer told us that drinking is the direct route to heaven.

Why?

Because when you drink, you're happy

when you're happy you don't cause harm

and when you don't cause harm you go straight to heaven.

and when you drink too much

you pass out,

when you pass out you can't cause harm

and therefore you go straight to heaven.

simple right?

I feel very deprived now.

If Sasha wants to drink herself silly on new years,

I want to pour alcohol down my throat and then pass out.

I don't even want to get high.

I just want to pass out and be happy in my dreams

At least I'm happy there..

Urgghh...I hate how I jump every time *this (phone beeps) happens!

My very random post..lolz

I am Jane looking for a confession box

Father, Father forgive me for I have sinned.

Bloody satan tempted me and I caved..

Who am I kidding?

I have no discipline what so ever.

So from tomorrow onwards,

The laptop is going into cold storage.

On an entirely different note,

YOU CONFUSE THE HELL OUT OF ME!!

I just don't understand...

I am Jane confused

I just realised Sunil is coming back tomorrow..

I don't feel overly excited

I don't feel anything

Maybe it's because it doesn't seem like he ever left.

I am Jane's sponteinity

I LOVE SHABA SHABA!!
WE spontaneously decided to go on a drive because I am happy and because I don't want to stop being happy. I'm so going to regret this but I think I'm going to need the psychological break.

Love you heaps!

I am Jane in a day

I think, today was the most perfect day in this entire year.

I am one of many temperaments,

most of them from the extreme ends of all aspects.

I like to go out and party,

be surrounded by intoxicated loud people who are grinning like idiots

enveloped by loud music

and letting loose like there's no tomorrow.

But there are days when I don't even feel like stepping out of my bed,

totally zone out,

stare at the ceiling,

outside my window (which is why my bed is strategically positioned beside the window),

stare at my neatly arranged books,

stare at the squirls on my quilt cover.

I like to have company,

have good conversations,

about how blue the sky is,

anatomy,

girl talk,

mindless bullshit,

and the matters of the world,

heck even our topics vary so extremely.

But there are days

when I just want to be left alone,

and may God have mercy on you

if you even try to break into my solitude.

I love movies.

Sometimes when my brain is too tired,

and I don't even want to laugh,

I pick up a chic flick,

and stare at it.

You don't always have to use your brain to be smart.

You don't always have to watch movies that mean something

On other days,

especially when I want to be alone,

I go to the cinema really early

hoping there won't be anyone else

watch something like 2012,

and ponder about life.

(This is the boring part that sounds like every other blog, skip it!)

I think today was awesome.

I went to class,

I got my Progress Test 2 answer script back

(which I thought was forever gone since my lecturer forgot he left it in his car)

Re-read my answers and never thought I could produce such words and thoughts,

Came back,

Went for an awesome swim with an awesome friend in an awesome pool under the awesome sky during an awesome weather,

had a good bath,

realised my hair wasn't spoilt by chlorine,

got dinner,

found my favourite fruit,

had bubble tea,

had dinner in the middle of the field

under the stars

with the breeze in my hair,

had great conversation with two great friends,

came home,

sat in the spot which nobody else was smart enough to put a sofa there,

enjoyed the wind,

sat quietly beside another fantastic friend,

until she made conversation,

had conversation,

realised at the same time that we are both very happy

to know that we have dreams and goals

and that we're half way there

and that no guy can ever take anything we don't want to give from us,

realise that we are stronger than that,

realised that even if at the end of the day we have no man,

we are capable of being happy.

I think I can genuinely say that I am now happily single but not available.

I hope my ex doesn't feel in any way offended.

I just needed to know that I am capable of being that.

To know that I am happy alone to be able to be happy with someone else.

And today, I knew.

How I wish this could be my everyday routine.

I am Woman,

I am Independent

I am Strong,

I am Happy.

W.I.S.H. =)

"My head is in the clouds..."

"...and I like it there..."

I wish I never ever have to come down...

The end of Sunlounger's first disc is fucking-tastic!!

But current music to suit the mood is Chase the Sun...

How wonderful is it that I found the disc with the perfect song to end my perfect day by coincidence?

I love these friends..they're temperamental and there are days I can't stand them,

but so am I,

Me and my mood swings,

quite apparent from my blogs..

I am Jane's missing brain

I managed to finish half of my P5 syllabus in a day.

That was yesterday.

And I only spent two sessions of two hours each.

Again, that was yesterday.

Today, I woke up late.

I had a series of unfortunate events.

I wasted a lot of time.

I still have half a syllabus left,

past year questions to do,

not forgetting two other subjects to revise for.

God help me.

My brain is missing.

I swear.

It's already in Canada or something.

Wherever it is that I want to go.

I want to go away from here.

Can money please drop from the sky from me?

I am Jane a minute later

I just realised something.

I make perfect sense when I'm emotional.

But I'm nonsensical when I'm happy.

Should I just not be happy?

What? Makes sense,right?!

I am Jane's two-cents

Have you gotten any of those Birthday rewards/ gifts/ redemptions/ rebates?

They're pretty common.

Sometimes, if they're really nice and generous,

they give you gift certificates,

free merchandise,

vouchers.

If they're not-as-nice,

they give you vouchers and coupons for other shops other than their own.

But most of the time they are not-so-nice.

They send you SMSes and E-mails and snail mails with things that sound like this:

"Happy Birthday! We at blablabla (insert name of company), would like to reward you our valued customer on this special day with a redemption/ rebate certificate WHEN YOU PURCHASE THIS/ ABOVE RMxxx at our participating outlets."

"We would like to show you how much we appreciate our customers by giving you x% off every purchase at blablabla (insert name of company) on your birthday!"

"Get blablabla (insert name of item or service)/ x% extra on your birthday when you purchase (some random item or service) at the nearest blablabla (insert name of company)! Hurry, promotion is only valid on your birthday!"

And of course, in fine print:

"Terms and conditions apply"

Let me translate all of the above for you into one nice big paragraph:

"Happy Birthday, dearest customer!

We at blablabla (company) would like to take advantage of your 'joyous' mood (if you're a lady above 35, please change to: vulnerability at this point because you're a year older and your biological clock is still ticking!) at which point you are most likely to spend exuberant amounts of money because you are simply ruled by emotions and hence, is more likely to cash out on 'impulsive purchases' which you obviously don't need. Let us help you to make yourself happy by allowing you to purchase our 'wonderful' products at a discounted price that sometimes isn't really that attractive but what the heck, it's your birthday and nobody uses their brains on their birthday because your system has to reboot and readjust itself a year older. Not only that, because we are so nice, we will also throw in some worthless stuff together with your purchases, stuff that you don't need. Yes, because it's your birthday, you're a year older, and hence you have more right to spend an even larger sum of money than last year. Happy Birthday once again, and we're looking forward to see you walking into our stores with a big grin on your face and a valid credit card in hand."

This, coming from a person who has split personalities:
One day, she's a shopaholic

who will travel from north to south

just to look for that one particular thing

The next, she'd be too lazy to shop

because she rather sit and drink warm coffee by the big glass window on a comfy sofa.

One thing's for sure.

When I'm stressed out,

at some point,

I'd resort to retail therapy.

The weirdest thing I've bought on that impulse

is two bedsheets.

Not ONE, but TWO.

Why?

Because I couldn't make up my mind.

And then I left,

feeling a little less stressed for the day.

I'm getting there. I'm going to be a cranky old lady.

Watch 2012 alone today.

Although I didn't much get the 'loneliness' I wanted so much.

It's just one of those movies I want to sit by myself in an empty hall to ponder about.

If the world is coming to an end in 2012,

there are somethings I'd like right now.

I shall save that for another day.

P/s: I remember there used to be a bully/ really mean girl when I was in pre-school. I don't remember why I think she's mean. She was never mean to me, but I know she was mean some how. Anyways, I was going through facebook (I know!! I broke my vow), and I stumbled upon her album full of our pre-school pictures. Funny how I still remember everyone's names. I can even recognise Prema in the photos! Except for the boys. Don't remember all of their names, but some including Adrian and Li Wern (who ended up being my brother's friends in highschool because of PTS), Chin (back then, if you didn't have an English name, you were only known by your surname), another Choong, and Iklis (whom we called Ikan Bilis, of course). Boys were icky back then. Who says they aren't now?

I am Jane looking for a one-way ticket

I like travelling

I like shopping

I like travelling to places to shop

Unfortunately I don't have a limitless credit card or a bottomless account.

But a girl can only dream right?

After all, I am a girl with many wants and needs.

I was just looking at Cathay Pacific's website and wishing I could anyhow book a one-way ticket to some random place and never come back. I want so badly to leave. I've repeated this so many times I think I've gotten the point across, but will it come through? or come true?

For that, a girl can only hope.

I am Jane (C) Copyright 2009

I hereby declare "Looking for a Rain God" and all its related euphemisms (TM).

Err....I deleted the story because nobody would get it anyway.

But I do see it being used everywhere. WTF..

Go look for your own Rain God.

Also, FURB is registered trademark of Heaven, Zen, NERDwana & Co.

I am Jane and I want to Fly

I want to fly...

Far far away

to a place where I will find eternal bliss.

And I need someone who can take me there...

ACCA is just awesome like that:

http://www.accaglobal.com/careers/findajob/?view=Global&country=all

And now I just need to wait for the right time...

Still listening to Sunlounger.

That man is a GENIUS!!

World, here I come..

I am Jane slowly going mad...

I've been writing the whole day.

And when I say writing, I mean HAND writing.

Actually I covered all grounds when it comes to writing today.

I did my articles,

I'm writing my blog,

I rewrote answers to the practice questions.

And I rewrote my notes.

I know.

I'm damn OCD.

I like my notes properly handwritten.

Not even type-written, okay.

Actually I do like type-written, nicely printed out notes,

but if they were my own notes,
I wouldn't read them unless they were handwritten by ME.

My hands hurt so badly I think they're going to drop off.

My thumb has a huge callus on it,

and my middle finger looks pregnant.

Brings a whole new meaning to showing your middle finger huh?

I think I will have carpal tunnel syndrome by the end of this week.

I swear.

And back to the topics.

I'm slowly going insane.

I'm losing my mind.

I'm being hypnotized.

By....

iTunes visualizer.

If only I had a nice MacBook to go with it...

and a nice iPhone too..

Ohmigod, since when did I become a Mac fan?

I always liked MacBooks, but iPhone?

I think I'm succumbing to peer pressure...

And the song to go with it?

Sunlounger-Another Day on the Terrace by Armin Van Buuren.

After David Guetta, Armin Van Buuren is my next favourite DJ.

Heck, after listening to this, he may very well take Guetta's place in my heart!

Trance is not just loud music and repetitive bass.

Trance is not how the ah bengs like it.

It is not all Ching Chong Ching Chong

Tong Tiang Tong Tiang (suddenly, it sounds like a CNY song)

I love this song.

Perfect for winding down.

Coupled with the visualizer,

I'm high and I'm not even under any drug or alcohol influence.

I get literally lost in space.

Erm, beach.

Can't decide which one.

The visualizers take me out of this world, (if only I had a big LCD screen)

And the song takes me back to the beach.

I feel as if I want to drop everything and run to Redang.

Now, I shall commence with my getting-lost-ness...

The whole set is F-ucking awesome.

I have it in my car.

Bhavini claims that I drive more calmly while listening to it.

I now enjoy long drives and heavy pours on the road...

My favourite part is the guitar solo (or not-so-solo) around 17:17.

I shall stare at the visualizer until I fall asleep.

Hopefully I will have a fantastic dream.

I'm in paradise.

Anything,

just to spend another day on the terrace...

I am Jane's tears

You will never know how you make me feel.

I doubt you care,

I doubt you will even think twice,

I doubt it will even affect you.

You used to know me so well,

You used to care,

And then you got bored,

And you didn't bother no more.

It hurts to know that you don't know me anymore.

It hurts to know that I have to put up a front with you now.

It hurts to know that I cannot be myself anymore

I used to cry to you,

but now I'm crying about you.

In the end, you will never know.

P/s: This is something I wrote a few months ago. I never thought I could still write something like this. This version has been heavily edited and censored.

I am Jane's Top 5 Treat List

Obviously, my wishlist extends way beyond five things (hello? I belong to the female species!). But if I were given a chance to make any five of them come true, this would be my list for the foreseeable future :

1. Passport to the world
This is it, my final semester. I've been counting down ever since the day I started ACCA. Sure, I do enjoy some of the papers, but there are some I swear I'd never want to see ever again. People have always given me encouragement, telling me that I can do much more than I think I can, giving me hope that maybe there's much more to me than even I know. That's why I chose ACCA instead of a normal degree. It is my passport to the world, and to the rest of my life. I have given 20 years of my life to my parents and other people's expectations of me. I have fulfilled them and it is now time for me to live my own dreams. I hope I will land a job that I will be so passionate about, I won't mind spending late nights in the office. And for that, I hope I will pass my final three papers. (reminder to self: stop staring at laptop and study more)

2. Two months in Redang

For the last three years, I have not had a proper holiday. That is an ACCA's student life. Shish!! No wonder people call us boring. Except for my own self-declared holidays and late night drinking expeditions, my life has been the same-old "attend-freaking-long-lectures-from-8am-to-9pm" routine (I am not a person of routine. Now I'm wondering how I survived the three years) from January to April and July to October, Exam Exiles every May and November, with my exams starting in June and December respectively, I am only left with two weeks of holidays while my counterparts in other courses have three months of semester break. I think two months in Redang by the beach and clear blue sea would make up for lost time. And I'm not being unrealistic, wanting to go to Bora Bora and Miami, who wouldn't want to? At least in Redang I'll be away from home, but close enough not to feel homesick.

3. Shopping trip to Hong Kong

And when I've finally gained my sanity back and achieved a state of 'zen' and 'gemeinschaftsgefuhl', I shall fly over to Hong Kong, (where I hope I will meet prospective employers), and spend about two weeks there just wondering the streets, shopping, eating, sight-seeing and enjoying life. I've been to Hong Kong when I was 14. I loved it there (except for the culture and the crime rates), but my parents had to spoil it by joining a freaking tour which took us from one factory to another. Which 14 year old wants to buy Jade pendants and funny Chinese herbs? On the flight back, full of resentment and dissatisfaction, I vowed that I would be back, by myself, so that I would be able to call the shots and make up my own itinerary. One that will obviously not involve me waking up in the morning.

3. Gym membership for three months

I've been to gym before, the first time, I just dragged myself there because I knew it was good for me. I never believed in gym. I never understood why people would want to run on a treadmill like hamsters on a wheel. But two weeks ago, I went for a trial, and I really enjoyed it. I guess it's just one of those things that has its own time and place, and I think I found mine. It's time to get into shape! Now, I have an even better goal. I will not only revert to my old shape, but be better than that.

5. The Dell Inspiron 13

My laptop is dying. There's this hole in the LCD screen (I swear I didn't poke a hole in my LCD) and it's getting bigger and bigger every time I stare at it (maybe I should stop staring). My lappy is almost four years ago. I remember how much I hated it when I first got it because my parents refused to listen to me when I told them what I wanted. It caused me a lot of pain and frustrations (and money as well as time), but it has served me well. Heck, only an IBM can withstand having being dropped onto the ground from a shelf while still running (again, I didn't drop it). But it's time to move on now. I need a new laptop, this one is slowly dying. And that's why the Dell Inspiron 13 will be a perfect fit.

The Obsidian Black body will remind me of my IBM, and of course, it will be the perfect travelling companion. I am a tech-geek. I love gadgets and the internet is the one thing that I need during "Me" time. I "LOVEEEEE" slim gadgets compared to bulky ones (the Dell Inspiron 13 measures only 1 inch thick), and it weighs only 2.22kg (would be a great relieve after so many years of lugging the heavy IBM around)! It would be perfect for me to carry around. Best of all, it has a 13.3 inch widescreen, perfect watching movies!

I feel the start of a new chapter coming, and right now, I'm so motivated to study, I'm going to sit at my desk for at least four hours non-stop!

If you want a Dell Inspiron 13 yourself, you can get an immediate RM100 in cash redemption when you call 1800-88-0301 to make an order with this special code 7ZQVQF2RLZRKW3.

I am Jane an angry consumer

Angry.

Pfft!

When am I not?

This whole week has been a total drill for me, classes starting at 9am, ending about 5-6pm.

And then not being able to resist the temptation to go to Pyramid.

I was feeling sick on Thursday, and I decided to get some instant liquid vitamin boosters.

There's this little stall called Berry Passion located on LG1 near the ice skating rink.

Above it is Coffee Bean,

And below it is New Zealand Natural.

I'm not advocating them, and I'm definitely not doing free advertising for them.

As I was walking towards the stall,

I saw this tower banner on the right that said "Pink Lady: Ladies who are wearing pink (anything pink at all) get drinks at RM5"

And so I thought "Wow, for a change, this must be my lucky day!"

And so I go up to the counter, and I chose my drink,

All this while the idiot foreigner of a cashier speaks broken English in some weird slang and keeps asking me if I understand what he's saying.

At first I just nod out of politeness but after that I think that was just part of his stupid scam.

After I made my order, I saw that he had punched in RM9.90 instead of RM5.

When I asked him, his English suddenly became so bad that he couldn't understand what I was saying or neither could he understand what the banner read.

This is how the conversation went:

Me : Oh, I thought it was RM5.

Him: No, RM 9.90.

Me : But it says there that ladies wearing pink get to buy the drink at RM5.

Him: But you not wearing pink.

Me : What?

Him: Only for ladies wear pink.

Me : But I'm wearing pink. (I don't usually wear pink, that was just one of those days and how dare he take that right away from me!)

Him: Beraildwaehi kadaj (I swear it sounded something like that)

Me : What?

Him: You not wearing pink.

Me : Then what colour is this? (pointing to my shirt)

Him: That is not pink.

Me : *rolls eyes and suddenly all the pent up frustrations for the day come back up.

SSM: (SSM is my friend) Okay, then how about this? This is pink. (points at the HOT PINK motives on her T-shirt)

Him: That is not pink.

Me : Then what colour is it?

Him: That is brown.

Me : What?

Him: That is bwonoielirh

Me : I'm sorry, you're not making any sense. (When I say things that bluntly, you know you're going to get it from me)

Him: RM9.90

Me : I want to speak to your manager.

Him: OLIJAJLROIJLWAR

Me : I'm sorry your English is horrible, can you get someone else here.

Him: RM9.90 please.

Me : *leaves.

I was going to take a picture of that banner and send it to the Tribunal court or at least come back another day to make a report. But dumb ass wasn't so dumb after all. He got out of the counter and removed the banner. WHAT THE FUCK? Is this some kind of new scam? Its not about the extra RM4.90. It's about being cheated and knowing your rights. If I ever go back to Berry Passion, I'll be sure to speak to the manager. You wait and see.

I am Jane in Exam Exile

Exam exile has started,

Although this semester I'm trying something new.

The usual exam exile is implemented.

But I'm going to be a bit more flexible about my study habits.

Hopefully, I will be more motivated to study.

Never too late, right?

So far:

• Motivation - check
• Labelling - check
• Filing - check
• Arrangement - check
• Materials - sufficient
• Will power - check
• Determination - check
• Guidance - somewhat sufficient
• Time management - somewhat in tact
• Discipline - horribly missing
• Luck - praying I'll find it soon

I just realised that not only is life a bitch, it's full of bitches too. =)

I am Jane very irritated

Please explain to me why you would eat other people's food?

If the package was not open, and you STEAL the package, at least I understand.

But finishing up other people's half-drunk milk?

WHAT THE EFF?!!!

Fucking go buy your own groceries.

I don't intend to feed strangers.

I ain't your mamma.

And I definitely ain't some charitable organization.

I can't help but be racist.

Every person I've met from that country is fucking RETARDED.

And they ALL steal food.

And they ALL like to dirty the kitchen.

And I can't help but wonder what they do in the toilet because it feels like they've never bathed for years;

Once they come out, the whole floor is black, and there's slime everywhere.

FUCK YOU BITCHES!! I HOPE THE MILK GIVES YOU A STOMACH ACHE AND EXCRUCIATING DIARRHOEA IN COLLEGE!!

I'm cursing because I don't have time to go do grocery shoppings and here these people are, nicely drinking my milk.