I am Jane's overstressed and misunderstood mind

Okay, so I broke my vow of not blogging till my exams end. The truth is...

I think I've already grown attached to this blog, or rather..
warmed up to it?
Hmm..why must I choose such a 'great' timing to 'warm up' to my new blog when I have exams just around the corner? And by that I mean in a month's time.
Okay, so it's not around the corner, but it's close enough to let my life flash before my eyes, close enough for me to see the light at the other end of the tunnel(I secretly want to go there, but NO! I'm not as weak as that, although I seriously don't have any confidence whatsoever this time around:( ) HELP ME!!

Must...Blog!!...
NO!!Must..Refrain..
Mustttt...MUSTTT...MUSTTTTT TYPE...
NO!!MUST SIT DOWN AND STUDY...
Yea right, how on earth am I supposed to sit down to study when I just came back from 10hours of class? YEAH..10 hours..that's how crazy an ACCA life is..I can't stand it anymore. I seriously feel like giving myself a good beating for even THINKING I'm immortal enough to finish ACCA with a snap of a finger..

I guess this is my wake up call.
In a way I'm glad. I'm glad I'm still young, and the wake up call is for NOW, and being glad isn't enough to get me anywhere..so WAKE UP!
I'm glad..I don't feel so invincible anymore? No, actually I don't like the feeling. But seriously, I don't know why, after I hit 18, the magic just *poof! went away, I mean...(considering whether to elaborate or not)

.............................................................................

I must keep all my stories for another day. Write now, my essay writing skills need to be channeled to writing long,long boring, monotonous, full of facts which I don't really understand and stuff which I don't really want to bother about, LONGGGGG,long, oh-mi-gosh-if-I-need-to-read-one-of-these-scripts-I'd-rather-be-stabbed-with-a-blunt-scissors-which-when-already-inside-is-flared-open-and-then-twisted-round-and-round-till-my-insides-are-all-tangled-up
theory answers for PERFORMANCE MANAGEMENT...

Seriously right, I really don't know what I'm supposed to venture further into.
SERIOUSLY right, I chose my options paper (wah, so far-sighted, not yet finish part two already choose option papers<--why am I writing like that today? Too much of Voonsia is NOT GOOD for blogging) using the elimination method <---Decision making technique not taught under ACCA syllabus, but the next Management Accountant History Maker says it's relevant.

Okay, so today as I was walking to class (dreadfully, but) somewhat happily, this idea struck me! Again, I think it's due to Voonsia-overload that my brain is working like that, I will sit down and write a blog, wholly on STANDARD COSTING, JT style..

I suddenly feel like taking something green...I wonder if Siau Kok Wee has it..lol...

NO!!!

I tell you, I really don't know how to stop typing. It's seriously an addiction..SERIOUSLY!!

I must STOP...
I must study...
I wanna drink...
I must pass this round...
I must go to class and sit through...
I must stop playing games...



The only way to stop..is by clicking the 'publish post' button, which I'm going to do...

NOW..

wait, I have something to say...

I was reading Meiyuin's blog way back in 2005, and I saw this entry, which was something we wrote in highschool, and I seriously miss sitting in school and being forced to write essays (not that I was complaining). Lol...


And NOW I shall click on the button...

I am Jane, going into Exam Exile.

I sadly announce that this will be my last entry until my exams end on 9th of June. Why? Because I am going into Exam Exile again, something which has become a routine to me ever since I started doing this bloody course. Right now I am heavily intoxicated with cough mixture and the words don't seem to flow (writer's block eh?). Maybe this being the last post for the time being is a good thing. I may love words, but words are what so often those that get me into trouble. Perhaps it is time for me to choose my words wisely, but then again, I wouldn't be me if I did that.
First and foremost, let me express my utmost displeasure in knowing that my 'territory' or rather, my habitat is soon to be contaminated with the stench I once knew and have left behind not-so-long ago. I was very eager to leave this stench behind, and I was not at all afraid nor did I bother even looking back. Therefore, I was the least excited to learn that this place shall be filled with the familiar stench that I have been stuck with for at least five years. Though I guess it is because of my mother's Reiki thinga-ma-jiggie that has brought this familiar stench back to me, although I so do not welcome it. Nevertheless, maybe this is the booze and drive that I need to push me towards, (now) wanting to leave this stench again, and hopefully never to smell/see it ever again. Perhaps, there is a possibility.
Long story short, I need an express ticket out of here, and I want it fast. Therefore, from today onwards, I solemnly wow to:

1. Manage my time properly, which means that I shall start allocating time to study every week, and not just waste my time away.
2. Aim for the best, because I know I can, it's just a matter of whether I want to or not, and since now, the drive that I have been wanting has arrived in a displeasing form (perhaps displeasing forms work better for me?) I have no more excuses.
3. Not skip class as and when I like in order to save studying time.

*The above shall be ammended as and when I see fit with no need of viewer discretion. Terms and Conditions obviously apply.

Other than that, today I woke up feeling unproductive, and so i decided to go shopping with Sasha and Ezra the Malay boy, am too lazy to list down the details, but yes, we dragged Ezra every where and he did not complain a single bit (which is weird for a guy)! But then again, we were mostly shopping for him, but ended up indirectly buying more stuff than him. Typically girls!

Which leads to:

Today's random stuff:
1. Somehow, blogspot isn't functioning properly today. I don't know why.
2. I don't know where someone has gone since he hasn't bothered messaging me or tried any other form of communication
3. Ezra couldn't stop touching himself after we made him change into the "EvilAngel" T-shirt.
4. Sasha is, from now on, SaSa and Ezra is Siau Kok Wee.
5. Since my plans are all cancelled, I seriously feel even more pissed right now with nobody to complain to.
6. I think I need a wish list, how do I incorporate one into my blog?
7. I saw THIS and I really liked it, mostly, I liked the shape, but not the texture or the colour...I wanted white, but they were out of white! Just my luck...again :( It's so hard to find a bag I REALLY REALLY like... sigh

http://www.billabonggirls.com.au/?sect=product|sid-4

additional random stuff that I can't be bothered to open a new entry for:
8. I still feel empty after 'clearing' things up. Although the stuff here are heavily edited in the sense that I know who is reading, and I omit the stuff I wish not to tell them (thought sometimes, some things slip), but this is nevertheless personal to me. This being so probably because I know, no matter if I say it out loud, or write it out here, it makes no difference, it will still fall on deaf ears.
9. I've decided to hate my birthday. Why? Because it's just another ordinary day, just like any other, which I've always put false hope in...Too much hope in fact, always thinking that this year will be different although it has never been that much different. After all these years, I think I'm old enough to face the fact that my birthday is just another bad day that if it's been bad so many times since I was born, what are the odds of it ever getting any better? Maybe if I stop acknowledging it then I won't feel as disappointed. After all, it's just another ordinary day to any other people, so why should it be different for me? Sad but true, inside, there's still a part of me that still wants to believe, but my head says forget it, and be practical. I shall safe myself from all future heartaches and disappointments this way.
10.Now you know how bad my mood swings are. It sucks to be me. Seriously.

I Am Jane, 98% Emotions, 2% Flesh

Again, this will be a short blog, and this time I plan to keep it that way because I'm under medication and it's supposed to give me a good night's sleep (something I intend to indulge in because I desperately need it).

People say that over time you tend to know a person better. I sometimes wonder if it's true. I really didn't intend to blog tonight, and I'm still wondering if I should blog this out. But as I've said, there is no where else, no one else who understands me as well, no one else, to whom what I say matters as much.

Maybe it's the drugs, maybe it's the flu, maybe it's the splitting headache, maybe it's the fact that I've just seen someone I don't like leaching on my family (which was actually going to be my blogging subject for today), maybe it's because things aren't going my way (as usual), maybe because I can't see the future anymore, and maybe because talking to someone just now has made it seem as if that one particular dream I've been having reveries about for the whole of last week seem like...just a dream...maybe because the sky today was blue..maybe..just maybe..

I wouldn't say I'm an entirely understanding person, but I guess wanting and hoping for someone to understand me isn't too much to ask. But what Jane hopes and wants for, never comes to hand easy, that's just life for Jane isn't it?

Few days ago, Isabelle came up with this question "So, everything better now, or still emo-emo?". It made me appreciate who I'm with at this moment, thinking "I finally have someone that doesn't make me bid around the bush only to leave me in heart ache". But then again, maybe it's just because I don't understand. Maybe I'm just not cut out for these things. I thought I was doing fine, but maybe it really is fault on my part, and that's why it's never worked for me. Possibly because I'm too idealistic, and idealistic people tend not to get understood.

I don't know, I'm feeling slightly more awake now, and I'd hate to be drowsy and awake at the same time.

I'm only human, ruled by emotions.

And I'm going to bed alone now, so alone...
Suddenly the bed feels bigger than it should be...
It's as if even if I were to shout at the top of my lungs, no one would ever hear...
And maybe I should stop trying once again, and forget about hope and what not...

And now I'm contemplating whether or not to post this or not...
And of course, if you're reading this, it would mean that I did post it,
Sigh,...all I want is...nevermind what I want, it never meant anything to anyone anyway

How naive was I to think that I'd be able to maintain a happy blog?
It's like I'm trying to be something I'm not.
Emotions has always been my inspiration and if I'm to be the emo-queen then so be it, Fuck you all who think that being emotional sucks.

I Am Jane, Freshly Thawed after Freeze for World Earth Day

As promised, pictures from FWED.
I have A LOT of things to blog about (heck, I've been accumulating them since the last blog) because I have A LOT of things to say (as usual), but what I don't have is the TIME which I so desperately need, and so my thoughts will have to be sacrificed for the good of the upcoming exams. :(
I wish I were Albus Dumbledore from Harry Potter. I wish I had a wand with which I could extract my thoughts and store them in jars/ blogs. That'd make my life easier! Then all my random thoughts won't go to waste. LOL.
So, today's post shall mainly consist of photos and not words (which I love so much).

While waiting for the photos to upload (taking bloody long, all the pictures were painstakingly dragged into place, why can't blogger make it easier and put the pictures where I left my cursor? Arghh!!And it deleted one of them too!!:( ), let me give you a glimpse of what happened:

• 7.30pm - I reach there JUST IN TIME, and Hem and I go searching for the little green post that was supposedly there (it was NOT). Anyways, they told us that the meeting point was near the skating rink, so we waited, and HEM was excitedly prancing around looking for people wearing even a slight hint of green.
• 7.45pm - Hem is starting to panic, because apparently there's supposed to be a briefing before freezing (shish..how hard is it to stand still for 5 minutes?). And so, he starts to make a big fuss and I tell you, a lot of people were staring.
• 7.55pm - There seemed to be this telepathic connection going on which obviously Hem and I did not receive because people were all flocking towards the new wing. We still had no idea who was coordinating the whole thing.
• 7.59pm - Hem starts to freak out because he wanted to freeze so badly. 20 seconds before it struck eight, as if to give it's freeze-ers ample warning to get ready to pose, people started counting down and before you know it,...

• 8.00pm - The unready Hem's pose became a huge disaster (no, I'm just exaggerating). The original idea was to stick some stupid paper (again, irony, aren't you supposed to be saving paper?) behind his back while he pretended to tie his shoe laces. I, of course, was semi-frozen in the sense that my finger was still clicking the snap button on the phone. People, it's the thought that matters, substance over form

Note the crumpled paper which was STEPPED ON behind HEM. Wasting paper right?check out those yoyo dudes..and that guy in light blue..his expression was like that for the whole five minutes!
That girl was biting on her biscuit for five minutes.. I wonder if she drooled on it

The crowd, all this people froze, seriously, well, some of them were just there to see other people make a fool of themselves by doing really weird things, nevertheless, like I always say, it's the thought that matters, they were there, they supported the cause, done and accounted for.

At first I thought these two old ladies just happened to be sitting on that big blob pyramid calls a chair, but when 8pm struck, they froze, and ironically, that little girl in pink had no idea what was going on and she was so terrified as she walked past this big crowd who've gone stiff all of a sudden.Cam-whoring... Okay, they're supposed to be donating to this poor guitarist who has an assistant to wipe her sweat for her.

I'm kind of pissed right now because three of the photos I've painstakingly uploaded are MISSING!!

And before I forget, this is these are a list of things I'd really want to do, but don't have the time to:

1. Go on a holiday, far FAR away.
2. Shopping!
3. Blogging (more often)
4. Read a good book (next in line is The Joy Luck Club. I really don't dare pick up books in fear of never putting them down. I CAN'T AFFORD THAT!)
5. Catch up on movies
6. Clubbing (I miss the clubbing scene)
7. Go scenecasting-crazy!
8. Reorganize my pc files.
9. Have a good night's sleep
10. Go on this food-hunting extravagant

Oh yeah, I have this other list of things I really want to complete today, and guess where studying fits in? Right at the bottom..sad isn't it?

Today's random stuff:

1. I had a 12-hour sleep last night, interrupted by a few phone calls, but sleep nonetheless. My mum managed to go to Ipoh and come back by the time I woke up.
2. I'm craving for sushi and so is HE..so baby, we're going to Shogun's or Sushi King once I come back! WHEEE!!!
3. Scenecaster seems to be less of a problem now, though I still have missing furniture and a missing bathtub! Whatever said and done, it's a great application with a lot of kinks waiting to be smoothen out.
4. Today, one of the girls I met from HELP, Isabelle, suddenly messaged me on facebook (actually, I have to thank facebook for this having this new feature!). It turns out that one of the nasty people from HELP did decide to give me my certificate after all!! Maybe they still don't intend to give it to me, but the DSA so happened to print my name out as well. I soooo didn't get the recognition I ought to have, and that's actually the minimum, you know? If I had knew, I'd had cut of my ties right there and then. Think of all the times I spent sitting in that room for NOTHING???!! One of the lecturers there is a real bitch I tell you. Yes, I'm no longer in school and I should take responsibility, but is definitely not MY fault that you are so fussy and you decided to take matters behind me and make decisions without telling me, and thus landing me in trouble with the suppliers. MS CHIA, you still haven't given back the suppliers the T-shirt samples and I'm getting blamed for it. I think I speak for a whole lot of people when it comes to this, you are definitely unethical. If I were to blog my dissatisfactions with HELP, I think I'd have to dedicate an entire post to it. I'm not exaggerating, it really was that bad, of course there is no one perfect University, but I think that some things are a must because of ethics. For example, releasing certificates I have paid for. And releasing exam results I have PAID for. I know that you do not wish for your students to leave HELP as this would result in less income for you, but you really shouldn't go out of your way to ensure that, especially when it becomes an ethical issue!! At this point, I think I WILL commit myself to writing a blog on my dissatisfactions with HELP, just not today.
5. I realized that a lot of colours are missing from my wardrobe, such as GREEN, yellow, PINK. Whatever said and done, I'm not a bimbo who goes out shopping for one new piece of clothing just to wear for one occasion, I'm happy with my wardrobe-make of mostly black, though I wish it was bigger.
6. I'm so lazy, I've only been back for one day, and I've already gotten a terrible flu and sore throat. Again, I'M FEELING SO LAZY!!!
7. Totally random:

Everybody, this is Kaiser Julio the third, he is Sunil's son, and I fell in love with him the minute I saw him sprint out of the house to greet my beau and I.

This is how Kaiser is supposed to like, or at least this was how he looked like when he was happy


Unfortunately, due to his 'daddy's' laziness and a flea accident, this is how he looks like.
Heck, even I'd (especially me) throw tantrums if you shaved off my hair like that! After his hair got shaved off, Kaiser has reportedly been having tantrums, as well as insecurity issues. The bean bag he is on right now has become his comfort zone. He doesn't even step out of it to chase his squeeky ball anymore, as you can see, his cage has been moved to the side of the bean bag so that he can drink water without having to leave the bean bag. His bowl is also there, and if his ball rolls off the bean bag, he starts howling.
Incidentally, Kaiser has taken a liking to sitting on my bag, specifically, with his ass touching the zip...Kaiser, what are you thinking???

This is a clearer picture of how bald Kaiser is. Tell that if you were a shihtzu, you wouldn't even be the least bothered by having less hair on you body.

Nevertheless, Kaiser, you are loved <3>

I Am Jane's One Whole Post full of Profanity, also wanting to know how to kill a mock(ing bird) exam

Don't worry about the Title, it's just something I made up since last year, ever since I started having to go through MOCK EXAMS AGAIN. I hate mock exams. I swear when I'm free, I shall write a whole post on why the college cannot bar its students from going for the final exams. Freedom of speech, people! Basic Human Rights.
Yes, as if having mock exams is not enough to torture students, Moonway* decided that students who DO NOT pass their mock exams....MUST BE BARRED. Seriously, how old do you think we are? Okay, wrong question to ask, let me rephrase that. Seriously, how stupid do you think we are? You can't just bar us to make your statistics look good because you made a mistake in the first place. If you want quality control, then you HAVE to control quantity. If there's one thing I know, when it comes to education, quality does not go hand in hand with quantity. Just because you want to make more money, you can't sacrifice ours! That's just not fair. Having the student pay his/her entire semester's fee (not like I'm paying any,) only to bar him/her at the end. If you gave compensation, then you AT LEAST have an argument. But not only you DON'T give compensation for your very-over-highly-overrated and more-expensive-compared-to-everyone else tuition, you do stupid things like threaten students. Seriously, if I could sue you for blackmail, I would. And as if the fact that people like you do stupid things is not enough, PARENTS have to agree with you. PARENTS!! HELLO!!! This is YOUR money he's leaching on! Think of it this way, you've ALREADY PAID your entire semester's fee, you've already paid your examination fees, which mean that if you don't go for the exams, not only will you have to resit the whole semester again and of course, pay the bloody expensive fee, but you will have to pay your examination fee, which AGAIN is bloody expensive, AGAIN! Makes no sense right? If you at least sat for the examinations, then AT LEAST you have a shot at passing right? Who gives a damn whether you'll forget everything right after the exams? The lecturers are spoon-feeding you anyway. Once you come out into the corporate world, you'll have to re-learn everything anyway. Lets face it, not everything we learn IS applicable. Even if it was, you'd not know how, and thus, you'd have to re-learn everything again! However, whatever said and done, you still have to know your stuff. I mean, re-learning everything when you come out to work would be much easier if you already have a rough idea (<---this refers to book knowledge). Anyway, this blog is supposed to be short, because I don't have time to waste. Because I have stupid fucking mock exams. Because I haven't studied enough. Because it is not humanly possible for me to finish the syllabus in one day. Because I have to spot questions since I cannot cover the whole syllabus. Because I have lecturers who know how to point fingers and not troubleshoot. Because I just I decided to burden myself with 1300++ pages of additional reading for Management Accounting. Sigh, I'm so not cut out to be an accountant. Cost accountant, maybe, but chartered secretary, tax authority, NEVER..and yet I have to sit for those papers. Sigh, no more time for backlogs. Just like clearance sale, everything must GO! The faster the better. Sometimes I wonder if I really do put myself in situations that cause me unnecessary stress. Yes, I chose to do this, because YOU gave me no choice. I chose this because I knew you'd never let me go till I got to this level. And so I chose the shortest path. Can you blame me? On the other hand, HemBodoh is coming tomorrow. So, I'll have a dinner break or so (which I think I really don't deserve). This is the perfect example of somebody who's penny wise pound foolish, only in another sense: There's this thing going on in Sunway Pyramid tomorrow (I really don't understand why everything has to happen only when I have exams, seriously). It's called Freeze For World Earth Day, organized by RandomAlphabets. This freezing thing originated from the US (though they don't freeze, but do something else), and being the typical Malaysian thing to do, someone decided to bring the idea to Malaysia and turn it into something else! Whatever said and done, the idea is the same. So, no big deal over there. Anyway, Yes, I'll be attending, since he is attending, and since I'm attending, I might as well take a few pictures and blog about it, eventually. Well, if I'm going to do something, I might as well have fun right? By the way, for more information, please visit RandomAlphabets HERE. The event is tomorrow, at 8pm sharp, to the minute, to the second. Another reason why I'm going: I want to see how the other people loafing around Sunway Pyramid are going to react when a bunch of people suddenly start acting as if they've been frozen in time. Oh, I'll freeze alright! But my finger will be clicking the camera button!
Back to my point, we're freezing for WORLD EARTH DAY! Yes, it has something to do with the environment. Don't ask me what does stopping what you're doing and standing/posing still for five minutes saves the environment. Even I can't see the connection, unless it's just some way to make other people aware of the campaign, that is. Unless they get Sunway Pyramid's management to shut off the air-conditioning and lighting, ...(long story short, shut off the main power source) at 8pm sharp, for five minutes. I seriously doubt they'll do that, because then, all their other customers will go frantic and probably never come back again.
My point is he's coming ALL THE WAY from Malacca just to freeze for five minutes, for WORLD EARTH DAY. In other words, he's trying to save the environment by freezing for five minutes, but to get to Sunway, He'll have to:

1. Take a bus/taxi to Malacca Central, and of course, the vehicle runs on fuel. And if he does take the bus, then a bus ticket will be issued to him, thus wasting paper.
2. He will have to get on a bus to get to KL, which takes 2 hours. Thus, waste of time. And again, waste of paper used to print the bus ticket. And in addition to the fuel burnt for the vehicle to run, the Express bus would have an air-cond which uses CFC which is harmful to the ozone layer.
3. Knowing him, he will run all the way to Masjid Jamek, thus increasing his HBM, thus panting, and thus letting out more carbon dioxide, which in turn worsens the green-house effect.
4. From Kelana Jaya, he will have to take a shuttle bus, which again, is a waste of time and other fore mentioned resources.
5. He will then meet me, and thus, make a lot of noise which will contribute to noise pollution.
6. We will then freeze for five minutes, which will be the only environmental friendly thing we'll be doing the whole day/
7. He will have to go ALL THE WAY back to Malacca and so, causing the same wastages to happen.
   

Geez, if there's one thing I'm good at, it'd be wasting time, and writing freaking long blogs.

*Name changed to protect myself, not the college.

Today's Random Stuff:

1. Stupid LAN wire is pissing me off. TELL ME. Why am I always unlucky when it comes to gadgets and what-not's like these? The first 30metre wire I bought COULDN'T connect me at all, but when taken back to the shop and tested, it seemed perfectly fine! And then I come home to find that my place on the switch has been taken. Thus needing me to pull my wire all the way from the other room. And now, STUPID FUCKING WIRE IS DISCONNECTED SOMEWHERE INSIDE I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE, thus the "A local connection has been unplugged" pop-up showing up umpteen times. I seriously swear I did not mistreat my wire...I've learnt from my past mistakes to not bend my wire or over-stretch it. But NO!! Despite that, the stupid wire still can get spoilt!! WHAT THE FUCK!!! You mean to say whatever I do my wire will STILL somehow get spoilt?
   
2. Stupid lappie is lagging. I found this application I really like on Facebook, it's called Scene Caster, something like The Sims where you can build your own scene (including room, apartment, mall, bar, whatever) and furnish it, although you don't get to put people inside and make them commit suicide, LOL. I tell you, this it the ONE APPLICATION ON FACEBOOK that has got me addicted. But NO! I don't get the priviledge of enjoying it. Every time I log on to it, and work on something, in about 20 minutes, the system goes haywire and my browser is forced to shut down. And no, there is no recovered file or anything. And sometimes I don't even get to save my hard work. And the most irritating part is how hard it is to move furniture around as well as navigate the camera controls. It's not exactly HARD to navigate or move furniture around, the problem lies in the lagging browser.
3. Other than that, I have pretty much nothing to say today (actually, I never have nothing to say, it's whether I have the time to say it or not), except that I'm RUNNING OUT OF TIME! My life is frustrating. No matter how I try be optimistic about it, it always turns around and kicks me in the ass just to prove its point. POINT TAKEN!

LIFE'S A BITCH, GIVE IT TWO TIGHT SLAPS AND MOVE ON!

I am Jane, Whom they Perceive as Dumb

I'm trying my best to keep this blog as light-hearted as possible. So reader beware, don't get offended. Don't say I didn't warn you. I'm just expressing opinion as well as discontentment. And I do intend to keep this short and simple. But then again...

A year ago, while I was visiting a friend in Malacca, my friend's father (his initials are CCK) took us out for Chicken Rice Balls (hehe, some how when I think of it, it sounds a little bit wrong.LOL!) . And being an elder person, it was normal that he'd give us some advice here and there at random. Two of which I found most true, and worth living by (at that point):

• Most of the time, you do things you DON'T like, to please people you DON'T like.

and

• Sometimes, it's smarter to play dumb, then to show what you're really worth.

Now, I will leave the analysis of the first phrase for another day, and shall concentrate on the second one.

Being brought up in a very typical Chinese family, I was never taught to gloat about myself or my achievements, for I knew, there'd always be people greater than me, as well as lesser than me. Inside, I knew what I was capable of, but I didn't want other people to know. In a way, I wanted people to underestimate me so that I'd be able to worm my way through without being noticed (or maybe I just wanted to have the element of surprise). I confess I'm not hardworking at all, which means that there are only two possible reasons for me to be where I am today,

1. Sheer luck
2. Possibly intelligent
3. Maybe the question papers were leaked out before the exam

I just added the last one in to make you feel better, just in case you still have doubts. LOL. Now, I really wouldn't say that I'm downright unlucky when it comes to exams (I'm thankful enough that even though I am quite unlucky in other areas in my life, when it comes to exams, my luck is so-so), but I couldn't have possibly just relied on luck alone to get freaking 10A1's in my SPM, okay?

Secondly, I quote my mum who told me this when I was lazing around the house, refusing to study for my finals, "You are more intelligent than your brother but he makes up for it with diligence". So maybe, just MAYBE I have and intelligent streak in me, but I don't walk around boasting about it everyday do I? And no, if you're thinking "But, you're boasting about it now, though I seriously you're intelligent at all," then go screw yourself. I most certainly am not! If I were to......nevermind..let's not go there or I'd really be boasting.

Anyway, I confess I did not study well for any of my exams, which means that I did rely a bit on luck, but then again, events such as FAILING TWO PAPERS, once again prove to show that I do NOT have sheer luck in exams. And if you're thinking "AH HAH! You failed two papers! How can you even think you're smart when you've failed before?", mind you, this was the first time I've ever failed an exam and mind you, that every genius you know has undoubtedly faced failure before. If I were to go through my life without facing any sort of failure, then I ought to be dragged to the lab and tested on.

Thirdly, and most unlikely, no, I've never encountered leaked question papers before, which then again proves that I did not go through my exams with sheer luck. Even if there were leaked questions, I'd be too lazy to go scout around for them like all the other people do (you know who you are if you did what I said, and sorry, I have no mercy for people like you so I'm not sorry that I offended you).

The reason why I wrote this is because recent events of which have been going on for about two years now, seem to be going out of hand. Now, I for one do not think that it's nice to call people dumb no matter what the reason, but if I DO call you dumb, then you must be really dumb (or you did something to really piss me off, which is more likely). Even if I DO think you're dumb, most of the time I wouldn't tell it to your face or even make you FEEL dumb. However, most people will not agree with me. It is their nature to tell other people that they're dumb, and you know what? They always turn out to be the dumb ones in the end. And THAT'S exactly why I do not like to act like a smart-alec. My hands are so itching to type out what they did, but I think I'll do that in a separate blog and put a password on it.

I wouldn't say I'm acting dumb, but rather, acting oblivious. For you see, those who stand out loud and are too busy basking in their own glory do not see the little things that make life much more wonderful. When you're laid back, and watching the bloody fool making a fool out of his own foolish glory, you get to see the bigger picture; the things going around the fool, and of course, how foolish he is. Isn't that better than having to strive to defend the empty glory you've made for yourself? Glory, to me, is self-satisfaction, knowing that I've achieved something. That in itself is enough for me, no need for newspaper headlines, no need for a cert to hang on the wall, no need for people to acknowledge how great it is to have achieved what not. As long as I get the recognition (because I have been taken for granted one too many times) I deserve, I will be contented with my own self-satisfaction.

Unfortunately, playing oblivious for too long does have its disadvantages (seriously!). For one, beau said that "If you always act dumb, then you're going to start believing you really are, and you will unconsciously set your own limit to your capabilities". And I tell you, he does have his point. For one, I'm feeling not as smart as I did when I was in high school. Maybe it's the different environment, I am, after all, competing with people way older and more experienced then me. Or maybe the alcohol consumption has taken a toll on my brain cells (better eat more fish to make up for it). Or maybe because, like limbs not put to use, they're starting to deteriorate or become 'redundant'. So, from now on, on my part, I shall limit my alcohol consumption and 'exercise' my brain more often. Other than that, I can't really change the environment I'm in can I? Even more so, sometimes I feel they are the main cause of all this. Being younger, and almost same aged as the CAT-progressing students, they often take me lightly, and think that I'm naive as THEM (I'm not saying that CAT students are all naive, but I've come across SOME who act like total dumb blondes, talking about who's slept with who, and how the guy on TV should ditch his fictional girlfriend and be with them instead; it's as if they have BIMBO tattooed onto their forehead!).

Sometimes I really don't understand how people can be so full of themselves. During my days as an editor, I learnt that there are some things that are common mistakes, and some mistakes which are so obviously accidental. For a teacher to not know the difference between a careless mistake and a mistake done out of uncertainty, she is no teacher at all. Worse still a teacher who comments on her students' grammar mistakes when she herself doesn't know what perfect grammar is. I've come across (one too many) English teachers with whatever-certs and what not who do not even know simple annotations. These, as my friend calls it, are blisters on the page. They really aren't just small curves, dots and lines added to sentences, and just like me, they're always taken for granted of.

Every time someone calls me a dumb or implies it, I don't feel angry with them, it just makes me want to do my best so I can shove it in their face. Sadly, that is my main driving force, and if it's taken me this far, you can start calculating the statistics on how many people have actually called me stupid in my face. And yes, I've made quite a number of them eat their words (again, self-satisfaction for me). Although, I really have to thank these people for getting me thinking:

Today's random stuff:

1. This is really a rare situation where I'm thankful I have my mum as MY mum and nobody else. Because without her, I'd really just be another one of you who doesn't know my annotations by second nature. Although my mother is the one who laid the foundation for my writing, she is also the glass ceiling which stops me from going any further. I for one, will never let a mere glass ceiling stop me from achieving greatness.
2. My sleeping habits are screwed...AGAIN
3. Despite the majority of people I know who DO think I'm stupid, I have to thank these people for still believing in me: GK Gunasakaran(for merely KNOWING I act oblivious), Mabel Choong(for believing I'm still smarter than most people she knows), Premaaloshinee (for really appreciating me). And no, Hem, your name is not here. Simply because I don't want to put it in here. So, go and die.
4. Actually I have to thank these fools for being fools. Because of you, I have something to blog about, because of you, I know what I DON'T want to be, and because of you, I'm thankful for the people in my life.
5. My blog is my only place I can vent my emotions out on. So be prepared for more emotional turmoil.
   
6. I want Mary Jane heels...
7. I can't remember the original 7th random stuff I wanted to write, but I really need to get some sleep right now. I have a mock exam to kill!! And a beau who doesn't feel like studying to support.
8. Sticks and stones can break your bones and so can MY WORDS hurt you. There are a lot of things I keep to myself. I don't say them out loud (unlike some people) because I don't want to hurt your feelings. But just as how you can have your perception on me, so can I on you. And if you do succeed in forcing the words out, then good luck mending that broken heart I'd have speared with words sharper than any sword
   

Disclaimer: I do not claim that my blog is mistake-free. Could be typing error, could be broken train-of-thought, but please know that my mistakes are ACCIDENTAL and not done out of uncertainty.

I Am Jane's Materialistic Form of Happiness

You know how people say happiness is contagious? It's true! That's why I want to share my happiness with everyone so that I can contaminate you with my HAPPY VIRUS!!! (shit, why didn't I think of this during that Happy Moments contest?).

Few weeks ago, beau said that he has never seen anyone as temperamental as me, and that my mood swings are the worst he's ever seen, in the sense that when I'm feeling down and all hope is lost, my face and actions are that of this nobody who walks the face of the earth just waiting for days to pass by, but with just (usually it is) a phone call, or an email, or any other form of communication some good news is conveyed through, in that split second, I look exactly like a spring finally let go
after being suppressed for a very long time (and no, I do not go boinggg!). I seriously don't know how I've come to be this person, I used to never show my emotions, maybe it's only when I'm around him. I don't know. I used to feel as if I could never understand who I was inside, but as time passed by, as I grew older, and as I started changing, I'm still not sure whether I know who I really am. I wonder if I'll never know who I am, because after all, change is the only thing inevitable in life. As I grow older, I'll inevitably keep changing, but during that process, I don't get enough time to understand who I am at that time, within that short period when I am what I am at that moment. And as the time passes by, so I will change, leaving behind the person I never got to know in myself. Thus repeats the perpetually vicious cycle. If at one time, I finally come to understand myself, does that mean that I will gradually stop changing? Ah...lack of sleep really does make you think about nonsense. Few years back, I read an article which said that research has shown that a (wo)man who has not slept in more than 24 hours is as 'drunk' or 'high' as a person who is drunk on alcohol. I really really never thought it did make sense as I used to not sleep the whole night, burning midnight oil for tomorrow's exam and then head straight for the examination hall, only to come back for a nap right after exam. It was as if the exam pressure had this catalyst effect on my body which made me go on and on like an Energizer bunny right to the second the exam ends, which is when my body automatically switches off as if it knows that it's all right to stop working the brain so hard now. But during the last periodical test, I really felt my body aging!!! I knew I'd never have this ability forever, but I do need it for at least 3 more years. As I was doing my test paper, it's as if I was in a daze, but my hand was still writing and my brain was still functioning, it was as if I had no control!! On the other hand, it's still good to know that I can still function although I'm intoxicated.

Anyhow, the original plan for this weekend was for me and Gan to go for the MMU prom in Melaka. Damn sad right? My own course doesn't organize proms and balls (except for simple social gatherings and the big ACCA gala dinner where you meet all the dato' seris and bigshots, obviously including the FIVE BIG BIG SHOTS from THE BIG FIVE), and Gan's sad sad prom committee usually doesn't allow outsiders to buy tickets. So what do we do? We find other people's proms to crash. Nah, just joking. Just simply wanted to go see my friends, which I did last week. Anyhow the plan got cancelled because somebody was supposed to study but he isn't and now everybody shall know that he didn't study (oh boy am I going to get a good spanking when he sees this).

But no weekend is wasted when I'm with him, especially when it is the PC Fair WEEKEND! Oh, yes, my beau is a real geek. The bright colours from the LCD screen, the clickety-clackety of the keyboard and mouse, the sharp and clear sound of the PC speakers, that all puts a big smile on his face. And yes, he is currently hunting for a PSP so if you would like to sponsor one, please do because he has been going on and on about it for ages now. I, on the other hand, went a-handphone -hunting. Been eying that Sony Ericsson K770i for half a year now, and on this very auspicious date, my hands are finally wrapped around this gorgeously slim phone who really has curves that would drive any man (or lady, in my case) wild. At first I wanted to get myself a digital camera since my darling Cybershot has decided to be as temperamental as me, but why get just a camera when I can get a 3 in one? I never was a big fan of MP3 players anyway, but just having some music playlist lying around has proven themselves handy at times of utter boredom. However, being an ardent Nokia supporter for the past 3 years, switching brands was really difficult to me. I love the technical specifications of my new phone, but I love how easy it is to navigate through a Nokia phone, and to make matters worse, I'm a big sucker for Samsung's design. WHY CAN'T ANYBODY HAVE ALL THOSE IN ONE PHONE???? But then again, if they really did, there wouldn't be a need for all this different companies, which means that would be only one company who will monopolize the whole market, which means that us consumers will b less spoilt for choice! That's just how the economy goes. Anyway, I got my phone for quite a reasonable price, but if it was a great buy, I'd really have to see. Only time will tell, and in my case, I think I'm jinxed when it comes to gadgets. It's not like I mistreat my things, but they just seem to slip through my fingers, or get scratched by nothing. I'm serious!

The whole of last night I couldn't sleep, (I think I subconsciously didn't want to sleep because I had some weird dream in the afternoon) but I took a nap at 10am, after which I was awakened by a call from my trusted hometown handphone dealer, which affirmed my decision of buying the phone that very afternoon (which later on turned into night). So I dug the lazy bone up, and bugged him to have lunch as well as get ready to go see the doctor about his swollen jaw. After which I managed to pester/bribe him into coming with me to buy the phone. He complained for 20 minutes and spent the rest of the 25 minutes sleeping.

I have this weird thing, sometimes, when I crave/lust/obsess over something to the point I try every way possible to obtain it, but the minute I have the means to obtain it, that lust/craving/obsession magically disappears, probably because I've worked so hard for it to the point I feel it's not worth all the hard work. Weird right? And of course, being human, I just start craving for new things! This sometimes leaves me with a lot of idle 'resources'. My point is, as I was nearing the dealer's shop, I was really starting to have second thoughts. That's why I dragged Gan along. To be that voice outside my head that will ensure I follow through. Anyway, I do feel more confident around him, sometimes to the extent of shocking even him.

So, long story short (as if my story will get any shorter), I got my phone, and I was beaming from ear to ear with pride. And yes, I've finally managed to convince him how much even a camera phone can do! So, we went to Zanmai for dinner and had a feast! Again, because I had extra leftover resources. Beau, being a true, all-things-Japanese fan, obviously loved it there! And we went home happily, well, that's not the end of the story for him, but that's his story to tell. As for me, I shall sit and play games and pour my happy glow over my new phone, of which as I expected, I can't get use to the messaging system. Obviously I did go camera-snapping crazy, but sadly, my phone's charging it's new battery, and I can't seem to find my card-reader anywhere, so photo uploading will have to wait for tomorrow. Which leads to:


Today's Random Stuff:

1. Beau got a new baby as well, her name is EVO5, of which I'm very jealous off. His personal message on MSN read "I've got a new baby, I love it!! HEAR HER ROAR!!!!!!". HEY! Don't forget this baby helped you chose it too and introduced you to the new world of SONIC GEAR!!!By the way, we saw Altec Lansing at RM178 (prior year's price for above RM250). Scary or what?
2. My things always go missing only when I need them the most, other than that, when I don' need them at all, they simply pop up everywhere! And if you must know, I have a little bit of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) as well as perfectionism in me. I need to have my things in a particular order BUT they must also be easily assessable. However, when coupled up with perfectionism, it does sometimes become a disaster, in the sense that when I do arrange my stuff, I take a whole day just to REARRANGE EVERYTHING and if not, I simply don't start. :D
3. I have had only 4 hours of sleep today, but somehow I don't feel like sleeping.
4. If you're really bored online, and you really have nothing to do, please go to www.gamezhero.com and look for amateur surgeon. AH, I'll do you a favour and make your life easy. It's kind of sick, but entertaining as well!
5. It's really creepy, but nowadays, instead of just wasting my time, I actually SLOT studying into my other activities! Amazing right. I always believed I had high inertia, when I'm static, it's hard to get me going, when I start going, I don't really know how to stop.

GOODNIGHT!! And I know I'm very cheong hei (Long-winded) but I just love WORDS!!! I like how words describe and make you feel. I love writing, because without writing, I will be an average Jane, just like everyone else. Take writing away from me and I will be practically nothing. Sadly, I don't really have much time to do so anymore, and I feel like the gift of words is slipping away. Hopefully, all will be well when I finally learn how to fully utilize my K770i!

Post note: As promise, virgin shots from the K770i...

I am Jane's One Day Affair in Malacca

Can you imagine? I went all the way to Malacca BY MYSELF! ME, MYSELF and I! Alone! All the way to Malacca! Not like it's some far away place, but still, the only inter-state traveling I've done alone is from KL back home and vice versa(hmm, come to think of it I haven't been home for quite some time, but I don't miss it. I don't know why..strange). Anyway!! Since SOMEBODY (new ardent fan and critic <--self-proclaimed) complained how wordy my blogs are (aren't blogs supposed to be about words? I never claimed to be picturesque, right?), I shall upload some pictures here (also so that Hemadaren Subramaniam won't need to bug me for them). See! Killing few birds with one stone. Genius, right?? Hehe..

Left for the dreadful Puduraya at 12pm, was tempted by Burger King on the way from Masjid Jamek (nah..I was just hungry), reached Puduraya about 1.30pm. Now, I'm one of those big-time Puduraya-haters, mind you, I totally and absolutely loathe Puduraya from the deepest depth of my heart. WHY?? I bet you'll hate it too if you were there. Plus, my being claustrophobic, paranoid, easily irritated, etc..etc, and need of PERSONAL SPACE makes it all the more worse. The place stinks, (used to be and still is quite) dark, stuffy, dirty, and congested through out the whole day. Heck, the only time I've seen it NOT congested was at 6am! Even then there were people sleeping on the benches, hawkers setting up stalls and an already-building-up jam starting. By 7am it was it's usual madness (I wonder if one day I'll get to see when the crowd starts subsiding, oh wait. I HAVE! 11.30pm, but I'll save that for another post). DON'T ask me what I was doing at Puduraya at 6am. I don't have time to study Puduraya, okay?

Back to the point, thus, I began my bus-search. You see, my dear Malaccan friend was (I asked him about this last year, I think) no help at all. When asked which bus is the most frequent to Malacca from KL, his answer was "Dunno, any guy who walks up to me offering to sell bus ticket I hentam only lah!". However, I did remember some MMU-an (is that what they're called?) say that KKKL is the best bus for KL-MELAKA-KL trips. So, in I went into that crazy place where people had no courtesy of queuing up and insisted on pushing each other in order to obtain tickets, in search of the KKKL counter. Turns out the supposedly frequent bus was not so frequent at all, next bus was at 4pm, which, in Puduraya-time, can be translated into 'at least 5pm'. So was Transnasional as well as Konsortiom. My next choice was StarMart and I was sooooo elated that they had a bus in 20 minutes time that I threw all caution to the wind (as usual) and of course, it didn't turn out as I expected. When I saw the ticket, it was written 'METROBUS'. )!*@&^T*@&^#*@&!*@&..ohmigosh I just wanted to curse right there and then. Asking for a refund would definitely be impossible so all I could do was PRAY that it was a decent bus.

The ticket was way more expensive than other counters, but the bus wasn't as spacious.
Interestingly, I found cockcroaches lurking under the seats and on the sides!! Meiyuin would have definitely screamed till the bus driver stopped the bus so she could run at least 1km away if she were with me. Turns out, the bus was own by the same company that operates shuttle busses around Klang Valley. YES! I mean those old, smelly Metrobusses you take from the LRT stations. No wonder the interior was so familiar.

After exactly two hours, I finally got to Malacca Central in ONE PIECE (bloody bus was so shaky, I thought it was going to fall into pieces anytime). And this culprit here...

our servant for the day...

decided to take a 'nap' which he couldn't wake up from even though people messaged, called, and nudged him on MSN a gazillion times. And he accused me of calling up the whole Malacca! HMMPH! I was lost. I needed DIRECTIONS!! Stupid hypocritical pig. After I finally found the exit to the domestic busses and almost got onto the wrong bus, then he decided to call me. And I only reached MMU an hour after that.

First person I met was.. Sopha! Her hair is still so bouncy and curly. Good to know that some people don't change even as the years go by. And so, we had to do the whole cam-whoring thing, since the last time I did it with her was in High School...private function

Finally met the sleeping pig (you see!!everything you do is what pigs do, can't help it if people mistake you for a pig!) and his much talked about friend Putra, who actually IS some sort of Putera, only much friendlier. And off we went to the well-known Jonker Street for some bargains (or so they seem).

Putra's feminine side.

But first! Did you think I'd come all the way to Malacca and go back without a taste of my favourite Ais Kacang? I think, if I'd ever want to be a food connoisseur, I'd specialize in deserts made out of shaved ice, specifically, Ais Kacang and also Laksa. I told Hem this a week before my visit "My love for Ais kacang and laksa exceeds way beyond any feelings of fondness I have for you, you baboon!". And so...

This is not your everyday Ais Kacang. It has Mango puree on it!! Two of my favourite things in one bowl! I can't ask for more..I deliberately took pictures so that I could show my beau who is, also, a mango-lover! I must say, although my taste buds do not agree with spicy food at all, they do create an exception for must-haves such as LAKSA. hahaha..I think I'm going crazy.

After the long-awaited, taste-bud-satisfying feast, our hunt through Jonker's began! First off, Sopha and I stopped at some accessory shop which sold stuff at RM10, the most. Through out the shop, and even on the street, there were necklaces, bracelets, rings, chokers, earrings and things-I've-never-seen-before-and-still-don't-know-what-they-are made from a wide range of material ranging from seashells, plastic, beads, glass, to metal. I got a pair of bracelets for me and beau, and a chunky bangle for myself which cost only RM3 compared to at least RM10 in KL! And then, I bought a pair of fancy looking rings of which HE broke within 24hours, I still don't know how. This is the second pair of rings which he has lost/broke! And then, some fancy looking pouch I got just because I liked the design, (hehe..I deserve a treat too!) Hem got me some earrings (which I still do not approve of the idea of him doing so). The list goes on, I'm too lazy to remember. What matters is, at the end of the day, I was HAPPY! Retail therapy always works. ALWAYS. I saw these Fedora hats selling for only RM10!!! Unfortunately, they didn't have the plain ones without the stripey material :( After which, was time for more photos!This time, involving a street lamp.

Hem likes it doggy style!

Amateur pole dancer/performer. Please give your support by donating. Every cent counts.

Tolong kami, bantu kami, Bersedekahlah sebelum anda disedekahkan!

After Jonker's, Hem decided to show me the ever-famous Pure Bar (<--whom I don't remember which idiot said was supposedly the best club in Malaysia). We took one hour to find it! I didn't know Malacca was so big, or maybe Putra was just going around in circles. Went back to Mabel's place, unfortunately, she was not properly dressed, so I couldn't take pictures with her. Any further details disclose might cause my head to fall off when she reads this. Saw Kak Nana early in the morning and she sent us to Malacca Central, and that concludes my trip to Malacca :D RANDOM STUFF:
1) Malaccans are SICK!! They shoot birds out of trees. Not to scare them, but literally shoot them dead! And then they pick the bird up by it's wings, not bothering to see if it's still alive or not, and dump them into the river where that famous big ship-museum is! How would they feel if they were in the middle of having sex with their wives and all of a sudden some gunman shoots them from a rooftop afar and then barge into their house, and drag their corpse and throw it into the monsoon drain? Even if the birds are pests they don't deserve to be treated like this!

2) I saw this Indian lady at Puduraya with a huge orange plastic bag on her head, just like how they do it in India! NO HANDS! Amazing...

3) I believe that nowadays, when you apply for the post of security guard, having photographic memory is a pre-requisite. I can imagine how some guy's (who's applying for a job at one of the condominiums) application form to be somewhat like this:
Name: Guudmemari a/l bolehingat <-----no racism intended here
Age : 43
:
:
:
:
Please state your work experience which you think may be relevant for us to take into account:

• Previously from MENSA
• Former Private Eye for rich Datins spying on their cheating Datos (good memory was necessary as I had to keep track of which girl he was sleeping with every day and report back to the Datins as well as describe their facial features)
• former discipline teacher at a high school where I got fired for bringing up all the students' mistakes everytime they were brought forth to me
• Had a part time job at a busy restaurant and had no trouble remembering orders even without a notepad and pen

Do you have photographic memory?

• Yes, I am able to identify faces quickly as well as match them to given names.

WHY?? Because the bloody guard found out I was entering illegally. I really don't get these people. Even here we have the same problem. Seriously, what is wrong with bringing home people when your parents are paying for your rent? I don't understand, they obviously have a gazillion reasons to justify it, but I have a gazillion and ONE reasons to oppose them as well. As it is, I ain't following the rules here anyway.


4) Putra, if you're reading this, you have officially made my list of top ten crazy drivers!

5) Been feeling really demotivated today (why is demotivated not in the dictionary?). And it's all ACCA's fault!

This is the length of the path you see when first enter:

|-------------------------------|

This is the length of the path when you first fail:
|--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------........

As you can see, you really don't know where the line ends, although ACCA does give you a limit of only ten years. I don't want to spend that long here!!! OHMIGOSHH... I solemnly swear I will, from now on, take my work seriously.

p/s : I promised myself I wouldn't start off with a moody post so I channeled all my negative energy into positive ones. Now, if only I could channel all the wasted time into revision time...

I am Jane's Fatigue from running around (and anticipating more to come)

Just came back from a visit to Malacca. I bet the post will be interesting! Other then that, my Langkawi post is way long over due, but I promise a good post for that as well. I am currently stressing out over my upcoming exams, and beau and I have had to cancel our plans to go to MMU's Prom :(
So, until I have time to write a proper post, see you!

p/s: I am praying really hard that my lappy will survive. I solemnly swear that I will back up my files and delete the unnecessary. Please PLEASE don't die on me YET!

Oh yeah, did I mention? Forbes FINALLY paid me, though the amount is less than what i expected, and besides, they haven't officially laid me off, so, I think that's very unprofessional of them. If I were in US, I'd probably sue them, but then again, I'm too sweet to do so. Or am I? :D Does anybody know how I can put smileys in my posts? Goodnight!