I Am Jane, 98% Emotions, 2% Flesh

Again, this will be a short blog, and this time I plan to keep it that way because I'm under medication and it's supposed to give me a good night's sleep (something I intend to indulge in because I desperately need it).

People say that over time you tend to know a person better. I sometimes wonder if it's true. I really didn't intend to blog tonight, and I'm still wondering if I should blog this out. But as I've said, there is no where else, no one else who understands me as well, no one else, to whom what I say matters as much.

Maybe it's the drugs, maybe it's the flu, maybe it's the splitting headache, maybe it's the fact that I've just seen someone I don't like leaching on my family (which was actually going to be my blogging subject for today), maybe it's because things aren't going my way (as usual), maybe because I can't see the future anymore, and maybe because talking to someone just now has made it seem as if that one particular dream I've been having reveries about for the whole of last week seem like...just a dream...maybe because the sky today was blue..maybe..just maybe..

I wouldn't say I'm an entirely understanding person, but I guess wanting and hoping for someone to understand me isn't too much to ask. But what Jane hopes and wants for, never comes to hand easy, that's just life for Jane isn't it?

Few days ago, Isabelle came up with this question "So, everything better now, or still emo-emo?". It made me appreciate who I'm with at this moment, thinking "I finally have someone that doesn't make me bid around the bush only to leave me in heart ache". But then again, maybe it's just because I don't understand. Maybe I'm just not cut out for these things. I thought I was doing fine, but maybe it really is fault on my part, and that's why it's never worked for me. Possibly because I'm too idealistic, and idealistic people tend not to get understood.

I don't know, I'm feeling slightly more awake now, and I'd hate to be drowsy and awake at the same time.

I'm only human, ruled by emotions.

And I'm going to bed alone now, so alone...
Suddenly the bed feels bigger than it should be...
It's as if even if I were to shout at the top of my lungs, no one would ever hear...
And maybe I should stop trying once again, and forget about hope and what not...

And now I'm contemplating whether or not to post this or not...
And of course, if you're reading this, it would mean that I did post it,
Sigh,...all I want is...nevermind what I want, it never meant anything to anyone anyway

How naive was I to think that I'd be able to maintain a happy blog?
It's like I'm trying to be something I'm not.
Emotions has always been my inspiration and if I'm to be the emo-queen then so be it, Fuck you all who think that being emotional sucks.