I am Jane, Whom they Perceive as Dumb

I'm trying my best to keep this blog as light-hearted as possible. So reader beware, don't get offended. Don't say I didn't warn you. I'm just expressing opinion as well as discontentment. And I do intend to keep this short and simple. But then again...

A year ago, while I was visiting a friend in Malacca, my friend's father (his initials are CCK) took us out for Chicken Rice Balls (hehe, some how when I think of it, it sounds a little bit wrong.LOL!) . And being an elder person, it was normal that he'd give us some advice here and there at random. Two of which I found most true, and worth living by (at that point):

• Most of the time, you do things you DON'T like, to please people you DON'T like.

and

• Sometimes, it's smarter to play dumb, then to show what you're really worth.

Now, I will leave the analysis of the first phrase for another day, and shall concentrate on the second one.

Being brought up in a very typical Chinese family, I was never taught to gloat about myself or my achievements, for I knew, there'd always be people greater than me, as well as lesser than me. Inside, I knew what I was capable of, but I didn't want other people to know. In a way, I wanted people to underestimate me so that I'd be able to worm my way through without being noticed (or maybe I just wanted to have the element of surprise). I confess I'm not hardworking at all, which means that there are only two possible reasons for me to be where I am today,

1. Sheer luck
2. Possibly intelligent
3. Maybe the question papers were leaked out before the exam

I just added the last one in to make you feel better, just in case you still have doubts. LOL. Now, I really wouldn't say that I'm downright unlucky when it comes to exams (I'm thankful enough that even though I am quite unlucky in other areas in my life, when it comes to exams, my luck is so-so), but I couldn't have possibly just relied on luck alone to get freaking 10A1's in my SPM, okay?

Secondly, I quote my mum who told me this when I was lazing around the house, refusing to study for my finals, "You are more intelligent than your brother but he makes up for it with diligence". So maybe, just MAYBE I have and intelligent streak in me, but I don't walk around boasting about it everyday do I? And no, if you're thinking "But, you're boasting about it now, though I seriously you're intelligent at all," then go screw yourself. I most certainly am not! If I were to......nevermind..let's not go there or I'd really be boasting.

Anyway, I confess I did not study well for any of my exams, which means that I did rely a bit on luck, but then again, events such as FAILING TWO PAPERS, once again prove to show that I do NOT have sheer luck in exams. And if you're thinking "AH HAH! You failed two papers! How can you even think you're smart when you've failed before?", mind you, this was the first time I've ever failed an exam and mind you, that every genius you know has undoubtedly faced failure before. If I were to go through my life without facing any sort of failure, then I ought to be dragged to the lab and tested on.

Thirdly, and most unlikely, no, I've never encountered leaked question papers before, which then again proves that I did not go through my exams with sheer luck. Even if there were leaked questions, I'd be too lazy to go scout around for them like all the other people do (you know who you are if you did what I said, and sorry, I have no mercy for people like you so I'm not sorry that I offended you).

The reason why I wrote this is because recent events of which have been going on for about two years now, seem to be going out of hand. Now, I for one do not think that it's nice to call people dumb no matter what the reason, but if I DO call you dumb, then you must be really dumb (or you did something to really piss me off, which is more likely). Even if I DO think you're dumb, most of the time I wouldn't tell it to your face or even make you FEEL dumb. However, most people will not agree with me. It is their nature to tell other people that they're dumb, and you know what? They always turn out to be the dumb ones in the end. And THAT'S exactly why I do not like to act like a smart-alec. My hands are so itching to type out what they did, but I think I'll do that in a separate blog and put a password on it.

I wouldn't say I'm acting dumb, but rather, acting oblivious. For you see, those who stand out loud and are too busy basking in their own glory do not see the little things that make life much more wonderful. When you're laid back, and watching the bloody fool making a fool out of his own foolish glory, you get to see the bigger picture; the things going around the fool, and of course, how foolish he is. Isn't that better than having to strive to defend the empty glory you've made for yourself? Glory, to me, is self-satisfaction, knowing that I've achieved something. That in itself is enough for me, no need for newspaper headlines, no need for a cert to hang on the wall, no need for people to acknowledge how great it is to have achieved what not. As long as I get the recognition (because I have been taken for granted one too many times) I deserve, I will be contented with my own self-satisfaction.

Unfortunately, playing oblivious for too long does have its disadvantages (seriously!). For one, beau said that "If you always act dumb, then you're going to start believing you really are, and you will unconsciously set your own limit to your capabilities". And I tell you, he does have his point. For one, I'm feeling not as smart as I did when I was in high school. Maybe it's the different environment, I am, after all, competing with people way older and more experienced then me. Or maybe the alcohol consumption has taken a toll on my brain cells (better eat more fish to make up for it). Or maybe because, like limbs not put to use, they're starting to deteriorate or become 'redundant'. So, from now on, on my part, I shall limit my alcohol consumption and 'exercise' my brain more often. Other than that, I can't really change the environment I'm in can I? Even more so, sometimes I feel they are the main cause of all this. Being younger, and almost same aged as the CAT-progressing students, they often take me lightly, and think that I'm naive as THEM (I'm not saying that CAT students are all naive, but I've come across SOME who act like total dumb blondes, talking about who's slept with who, and how the guy on TV should ditch his fictional girlfriend and be with them instead; it's as if they have BIMBO tattooed onto their forehead!).

Sometimes I really don't understand how people can be so full of themselves. During my days as an editor, I learnt that there are some things that are common mistakes, and some mistakes which are so obviously accidental. For a teacher to not know the difference between a careless mistake and a mistake done out of uncertainty, she is no teacher at all. Worse still a teacher who comments on her students' grammar mistakes when she herself doesn't know what perfect grammar is. I've come across (one too many) English teachers with whatever-certs and what not who do not even know simple annotations. These, as my friend calls it, are blisters on the page. They really aren't just small curves, dots and lines added to sentences, and just like me, they're always taken for granted of.

Every time someone calls me a dumb or implies it, I don't feel angry with them, it just makes me want to do my best so I can shove it in their face. Sadly, that is my main driving force, and if it's taken me this far, you can start calculating the statistics on how many people have actually called me stupid in my face. And yes, I've made quite a number of them eat their words (again, self-satisfaction for me). Although, I really have to thank these people for getting me thinking:

Today's random stuff:

1. This is really a rare situation where I'm thankful I have my mum as MY mum and nobody else. Because without her, I'd really just be another one of you who doesn't know my annotations by second nature. Although my mother is the one who laid the foundation for my writing, she is also the glass ceiling which stops me from going any further. I for one, will never let a mere glass ceiling stop me from achieving greatness.
2. My sleeping habits are screwed...AGAIN
3. Despite the majority of people I know who DO think I'm stupid, I have to thank these people for still believing in me: GK Gunasakaran(for merely KNOWING I act oblivious), Mabel Choong(for believing I'm still smarter than most people she knows), Premaaloshinee (for really appreciating me). And no, Hem, your name is not here. Simply because I don't want to put it in here. So, go and die.
4. Actually I have to thank these fools for being fools. Because of you, I have something to blog about, because of you, I know what I DON'T want to be, and because of you, I'm thankful for the people in my life.
5. My blog is my only place I can vent my emotions out on. So be prepared for more emotional turmoil.
   
6. I want Mary Jane heels...
7. I can't remember the original 7th random stuff I wanted to write, but I really need to get some sleep right now. I have a mock exam to kill!! And a beau who doesn't feel like studying to support.
8. Sticks and stones can break your bones and so can MY WORDS hurt you. There are a lot of things I keep to myself. I don't say them out loud (unlike some people) because I don't want to hurt your feelings. But just as how you can have your perception on me, so can I on you. And if you do succeed in forcing the words out, then good luck mending that broken heart I'd have speared with words sharper than any sword
   

Disclaimer: I do not claim that my blog is mistake-free. Could be typing error, could be broken train-of-thought, but please know that my mistakes are ACCIDENTAL and not done out of uncertainty.