- If I so happen to wake up one morning and decide to take a bus down to Johor Bahru, then so I shall.
- If I so happen to be doing my homework and am hit by a sudden urge to go shopping, then shopping I shall go.
- If I so happen to have the urge to eat something out of the extraordinary like, for example, Chilis, then Chilis I shall have.
- If I so happen to come back from class and find myself bored to death and suddenly am hit by the boogie waves, then to the clubs I will hit.
- If I so happen to feel very very down and am hit by the need to drink, then Mr Walker I shall consult.
- If I so happen to want to do something at a strange point then so shall it be done.
- If I so happen to want to say something that I know will offend the people around me then so shall it be said. Yeah, right. I know I won't.
So, tell me how to not be angry with the world. I really don't understand. These kind of things only happen to me. Not once, not twice, but EVERY SINGLE FREAKING TIME. Is that luck, coincidence or just pure fact? People like these are like a finger scratching an itchy patch on your skin. At first it feels REALLY nice because it takes away the itch. And then it becomes addictive, and you keep scratching. After awhile, you find part of your epidermis gone, and then the flesh starts feeling raw, and next thing you know it, you've scratched part of your skin off, and it smarts whenever you touch it or sweat. Yes, I find solace in describing such things. I'm sick, I know.
I'm telling your, I shall only concentrate on making myself happy from now on. No need to share my happiness, because the happiness that I am capable of having isn't even enough for me. And so, if I appear selfish, then I have all the reasons to be. Why? Because not only don't I get appreciated, but all my thoughts go to waste, all my time go to waste, and I end up being frustrated. So why should I bother when others don't? I guess being with a loner has made me one as well. I now see the beauty of being ALONE and looking out only for yourself. Why be self-sacrificing when not only the other parties don't know, but make a mockery out of your sacrifice? Might as well let them all rot and go to hell. I don't know why I sacrifice my own happiness for others. They seem to have plenty of it, whereas I am in short supply. So why make the rich richer at my own expense. Bloody pissing off. Go to hell for all I care. Don't know why I take over your banging-head-on-wall burden in order for you to go jollying and then bang MY head on the wall for your burden and make myself frustrated. Although I have them to thank for giving me a reason to write. Just because I get inspired when I'm angry and sad doesn't mean you have to make me angry and sad. And they say I'm sadistic because I laugh when I see balls bursting on television. So, today, I declare that I no longer am bothered by your feelings, unless you are someone who DOES value me. And I officially admit that beau is right when he says "That's why I don't care less. You have enough problems and lack of happiness of your own. Don't need donation from others". So maybe I altered his words. But believe me, what he says is much more straightforward and so, I don't know why I altered them to be less blunt.
On another note, on Tuesday night, the lunatic in beau's house decided to take his lunacy up another notch. He was beating up his girlfriend who had ALREADY broken up with him (this is what I don't understand. You've already broken up with him, LEAVE! Why give him another chance and excuse to beat you?). But this time, she was SCREAMING. Pure sign of enough is enough. And so, somebody called the police, who only arrived after four to five calls, how 'efficient'. Imagine if he really did kill her. Not only would she be ALREADY DEAD, but the other people who DID NOT KILL HER, will be involved to, AND suspected for murder, which obviously isn't fair. After they arrived, knocked on their door, and saw the girl rubbing oil on the obviously angry EX-boyfriend who has the look of a killer in his eyes, they just left without doing anything. The lunatic obviously got angry and so, confronted his housemates who couldn't be bothered with him at all. Imagine feeling hostile in your own home, how sick is that. And so everyone fled. Beau spent the night with me, which he complained afterwards that he should have stayed on (yeah, right). My point still stands that all psychotic abusive boyfriends/husbands/guys in general should have their balls tied with rubber band until they wither and drop of by themselves.
No balls = no testosterones = no violence. Problem solved. PERMANENTLY.
And if you say that it isn't fair since they won't have kids of their own flesh and blood, then I say serve them right. And maybe since these psychos can't have kids, then there would be nobody to carry on their psychotic abusive genes. Thus, less aggressive people in the world, thus less criminals. See, I almost found the solution for world peace. I should be given a Nobel prize.
I need to go to sleep. I'm freaking sick. We both are. And he slept off already! Anyways, the plan to Melaka is STILL on, because it was so hard for me to convince him to go, and I shall spend time with him, his bro (YAY! I'm going to see Sean Kingston, the Malaysian version of course) and whoever so who will meet me without jeopardizing my day. So if you're going to spoil my mood, then PLEASE, just don't see me. I've been frustrated enough. I want my Ais Kacang, his Chicken ball rice, and some heavy duty shopping. And maybe a drink or two after that, and we'll see how it goes. Like I said, I'm done planning. I really am.
p/s: The irony about all this is that I'm PLANNING to NOT PLAN. Isn't that planning also? Shish! I'm going to ditch this getting old thing and be as childish and immature as I wish. Live with it or be gone.
p/p/s : I'm thinking of changing my nickname to Ms. Cheong Hei, since all my blogs are NEVER short, although short to me, is long to a layman.
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