I am Jane catching a breather

Been meaning to blog, but just couldn't find the time, between getting caught in class, rushing here and there, meeting so-and-so, and the unavoidable shopping. I'm finally sitting on my bed, eye lids feeling heavy, articles finished, stomach full, and all ready to hit the sack.

I really should think about investing in a voice recorder to record all my thoughts, but then again, I'd probably lose interest in a few days, or worse still, never even bother to open it. Nevertheless, this week has been an eventful week, and I'd say that although things didn't go 100% my way, I think they were tolerable times.

Things I've come across on my path to self-realisation this week, very random because they happened on different occasions, but still, serve as a very good lesson and a great satisfaction to me:

1. I hate injustice: I don't only hate it when it happens to me, but I hate it when it happens to other people as well, and this includes characters of movies I'm watching. I really don't know why, everytime I see someone getting a sucker punch for something he didn't do, (even if it's just a movie), I feel my temperature and heart beat rising, I wish I could do something (change the story line?). Probably because I've gone through so much injustice, that's why I now have empathy, maybe. Well, nobody ever said that life was a fair, what I always here is life's a bitch, so you've got to be the bigger bitch to survive, which brings me to the next one:
2. I am a Cut-throat bitch and I'm proud to be one almost two years ago, when I was staying alone in Damansara Heights, Diane stayed over and we had the best girl talk ever (yeah, totally *just for effects). She also told me, just before she left, and she also permanently inked it into my book of memories that in life, sometimes you've just got to be the cold hearted bitch for people to respect you. During those days, I wouldn't consider myself weak, but vulnerable I was. Even though I did see the truth in her words, it was hard for me to live up to them, maybe because I just don't like being cold hearted. Today, I really see that I sometimes turn into a stone cold cut-throat bitch, especially when I am angered or injustice is hurled into my face. And I don't mind being one, because deep down inside, I know why I'm doing it, it's because people who DON'T get the cut-throat bitch treatment treat me like crap and walk all over me, and people who do but still treat me like crap deserve all the crap I throw back at them. Agree?
3. Turn right, turn left, go straight, still die; No, not literally, it's really an old Malay saying. It's when whatever you do is considered wrong, no matter what your intentions are. I went clubbing last week after a very long while, and found out my best friend's new policy in dating. I won't exactly approve of it, but he has his points. So, we shall live and let live. The thing is, I met his new official girlfriend, but I really didn't like her even after the first meeting and I kind of guessed that the relationship was out of lust (either that or my friend has thoroughly gone insane). I really couldn't say anything because everytime he called or I did, she was always there, so I assumed that he was deeply and newly in love again, although I really didn't think that it'd last. Whatever it is, things aren't turning out well now, and one day, he started telling me all the things that I noticed the first time I met her. I really don't understand how a mere stranger can see through another stranger on the first meeting while lovers take almost three months to figure one another out. But that really isn't my problem. My problem is I was asked why didn't I say that I didn't like her in the first place. Why? My reasons are pure logic, common sense with a hint of experience. For one, the last time I told my best friend I didn't like her lover, I lost a best friend, not that I feel anything now. I really don't feel the lost. Secondly, if a person can spend every single day with another, it would mean that you really like the person, or at least can tolerate the person, right? Which would mean that if I were to say that I don't like the latter, chances are that you're going to defend the latter, right (or worse still, just turn your back on me)?
4. I am slowly forming a personality of my own, and nobody else's. I don't mean to say that I had no personality back then, I'm just saying that when you're young, you tend to get influenced easily. I find that I'm slowly growing out of it, which is both, good and bad. Good because now, I don't really bother about what other's think about what I do. I just do what I think is right and don't give two flying fuck about the rest. Bad because I'm stubborn, and I'm scared that once I become personally stable, then I will become even more stubborn in my ways. As it is, I already have many principles of which I am very unwilling to compromise. Is it wrong if I have my own justification of what's right and wrong? You can't judge me. Because I say it's WRONG! Lol. Seriously, I really agree with the theleological moral standard of egoism. Why should your actions be any more right than mine? If you can tell me, than we can compromise, but I'm not bowing down. With egosim, also comes my bigger than life ego; which is very rare for a girl. (is there such a thing as an Alpha Female? Lol). By the way, I think the right to privacy should be made a mandatory human right.
   
5. Money and Me don't go together. I wish it really wasn't this way, but my bank account has really suffered a huge severity in terms of materiality this month. I've been over-activating it, I think. I promised I'd save my pay for something better, but money has been flying out of my wallet/ bank account/ pocket/ hands as if it is able to defy all gravitational forces. Nevertheless, I shall make a new resolution to try harder from now on.
6. I'm not your average girl. I don't do things that average girls do. Maybe I've passed the average girl stage, or maybe I'm purely just simply not one. I don't know. Sunil doesn't see me as a girl although Gan HAS to or else he'd be so gay, but I think I'm a different type of girl to him, in the sense that I'm his one and only girl (muahahaha). The other day, after clubbing, we were all sitting at the Darussalam having supper and because there was a guy to girl ratio of 3:1, I got incorporated in as one of the guys. Even though I provided a girl's kind of view, I was still, one of the guys. Not to say that I'm always just one of the guys when it comes to my guy friends, but with these people, I'm always one of the guys. However, after their long discussion, they have come to a conclusion that I'm not your average girl who goes bimbotic at the sight of pink and fluffy things. I may be a cut throat / corporate bitch, but I'm definitely not a bimbotic bitch. That's the different.
   
7. I will always have friends I can count on. Let's hope it stays that way. I feel like things are getting back to normal. And I'm glad to have all these wonderful people around me. I just hope things stay like this without having to drift them apart. I wish there weren't anymore misunderstandings that will make us mad at each other. I'm not exactly miss popular, but just as long as these handful of people stay close to me, I'm grateful enough.

By the way, I met Ai Li last week after I took of my stitches (which was fucking painful), and she brought the whole convoy with her. Met some new friends who were with me in HMC but never got to know them, and met the old great gang; well, part of it. Sharon, Mandy, Boon Woei, Sharon still looks the same (and she has an O-kui or what they like to call Sook Tau Woo Kwai boyfriend). You should have seen her face when Kevin threw it over his shoulder, it looked as if he threw her heart down! Lol. Mandy still has evolving funky hair styles, she reminds me of that Harry Potter character whose hair colour always changes. Aili is still Aili, same dyed hair colour, same tone of voice , same kind of funny (People, Aili says she deserves to be slapped sometimes, so if you feel angry, and feel like slapping someone, please call Ms Ng Ai Li at 0163******. Or, you can just go to her blog from the links at the side and set an appointment with her). The shocker here was Boon Woei, he looks....taller, and not Boon Woei.

Boon Woei being shy. When asked if he missed me, he non-hessitantly answered "No, I don't miss anyone wan". GG.

I remember the best day I had in Help with them. It was definitely not the first day of school,it was definitely not my birthday, but it was the night when they all crowded into my small but cozy and filled-with-sorrow room and we chatted all through out the night. I even remember Weiling acting funny in front of the web camera with Han Foong and Boon Woei's expression show. He was so good at it. I kind of miss those days, really. If I had the chance, I would have made them better, spent more time with them, instead of spending my time with someone so useless who didn't even appreciate my existance. Nevertheless, the experience gave me a really good friend, so I'm not one to complain.

After meeting AiLi, I headed over to meet Diane, and off to Sungei Wang we went. Mind you, I'm not a Sungei Wang girl and I most definitely hate the crowd. But that was the only place that sold the belt I really wanted and so, what I want, I will try my best to get and that's how we ended up in Sungei Wang. Fortunately, the usual crowd was not present because it was a week day and so, I could walk freely without having to worry that I'd be squeezed in between smelly armpits. I think Sungei Wang has this aura about it. The minute I stepped into the place, I felt a shiver down my spine, not a scary one, but a disgusted kind of thing. It was as if I had just stepped into LALA-land, where the Lalas go crazy over RM10 clothes and what not. Diane agreed, Sungei Wang has this way of making you feel cheap, not to say that we feel a must buy branded clothes, but it puts us at ease to know that we did not cause or rather, help promote child labour and un favourable working terms.

Random picture because my blog is so wordy. Looks like I'm giving the De Wars bottle a titty fuck, and am enjoying it too. Curse the camera man who took the picture for positioning the camera that way. By the way, the guy in white, his name is Nike. Seriously. It says so on his I.C. And the Chinese guy in black, Sam, he's single and currently looking. So any takers? And the Cheshire cat at the back grinning from ear to ear, don't bother.

By the way, did I mention I cut my dress? It's the exact one I'm wearing in the picture above. It used to be a spaghetti straps with bra paddings. Spaghetti straps don't flatter me as much as halters do and even then, the spaghetti straps were always coming lose, exposing my boobs. And thus, I decided to do a 5 minute alteration by snapping the spaghetti straps at the end so that I can tie it as a halter, and made little incisions like those done for boob augmentation, and removing the bra paddings which made my boobies look pornstar-like. Hahaha..

Doesn't this look like an arts and crafts lover's heaven. It sure does for me, although the things are too over-priced for my liking. They do sell great stuff and offer a very huge variety though. Art Friend (or heaven) in The Gardens Midvalley.

Doesn't this look familiar? This is one of the 'smart' toilets our DPM had to personally officiate not long ago. I guess somebody decided to show the toilet who is smarter. Or maybe the toilet just wasn't smart enough. Goes to show that any toilet will be vandalised by Malaysians. Why bother building smart ones? They'll just end up like this. With flies swarming around, and rubbish in the sit.

By the way, went for my first belly dancing class and absolutely loved it, although it's priced at RM 35 per class (oouch says my wallet). I think it's worth it because they only have a small class and the teacher is really nice and patient. And I have bad coordination. Lol. That isn't new, but I do have agility, which is good for belly dancing. Expect a toner me soon! In view of my healt consciousness, I have decided to detox. Anybody knows a good detox plan?

My penthouse idiots housemates made an even bigger mess and these people should be sent to reform school where they teach them basic manners and courtesy. The whole house is full of flies and the flies have migrated into my room, which is VERY ANNOYING especially when I'm trying to sleep. I've tried killing them with Ridsect but the buggers were still flying around even after one whole day. In the end, I killed the ones who accidentally flew in between my screen protector and LCD by smashing them lightly. Disgusting, but necessary.

Till then, my boring blog will be boring, although I'm not complaining because boring means I'm not angry. Bear with me.

P/s: Today is supposed to be "Malaysia Day". I'm still looking for the new government but I don't see one. I don't mean to say that the soon-to-be new one will be any better than the old, but what's really obvious is that it's time for a change. Let's just hope for the best

Also, I got my Progress Test one marks back this week. The paper I studied my ass off for, I failed! Not only that, some idiot who calculated my marks understated my marks and my stupid lecturer refused to add them back for me. It's not just one or two marks. It's a lot. Irony is that he's the same guy who never forgets to remind us that "every mark is precious". Why don't you live up to your words? The other paper, which I didn't study at all, and went in to the exam hall only thinking of going back, I did pretty well! Seriously, the only moral of the story here that I see is don't study so that you will not only pass, but get good marks as well.

P/p/s: Since somebody said that he hasn't been very involved in my life for the past few weeks, let me remind him that I just went out with him last Sunday for a great lunch and successful shopping. That was the first time he ever let me pull him around Indian street looking for a long skirt after his faithful experience with his mother's Sarree shopping. Lol.